Haruki Murakami - Killing Commendatore

Today when I awoke from a nap the faceless man was there before me. He was seated on the chair across from the sofa Id been sleeping on, staring straight at me with a pair of imaginary eyes in a face that wasnt.

The man was tall, and he was dressed the same as when I had seen him last. His face-that-wasnt-a-face was half hidden by a wide-brimmed black hat, and he had on a long, equally dark coat.

I came here so you could draw my portrait, the faceless man said, after hed made sure I was fully awake. His voice was low, toneless, flat. You promised you would. You remember?

Yes, I remember. But I couldnt draw it then because I didnt have any paper, I said. My voice, too, was toneless and flat. So to make up for it I gave you a little penguin charm.

Yes, I brought it with me, he said, and held out his right hand. In his handwhich was extremely longhe held a small plastic penguin, the kind you often see attached to a cell phone strap as a good-luck charm. He dropped it on top of the glass coffee table, where it landed with a small clunk.

Im returning this. You probably need it. This little penguin will be the charm that should protect those you love. In exchange, I want you to draw my portrait.

I was perplexed. I get it, but Ive never drawn a portrait of a person without a face.

My throat was parched.

From what I hear, youre an outstanding portrait artist. And theres a first time for everything, the faceless man said. And then he laughed. At least, I think he did. That laugh-like voice was like the empty sound of wind blowing up from deep inside a cavern.

He took off the hat that hid half of his face. Where the face should have been, there was nothing, just the slow whirl of a fog.

I stood up and retrieved a sketchbook and a soft pencil from my studio. I sat back down on the sofa, ready to draw a portrait of the man with no face. But I had no idea where to begin, or how to get started. There was only a void, and how are you supposed to give form to something that does not exist? And the milky fog that surrounded the void was continually changing shape.

Youd better hurry, the faceless man said. I cant stay here for long.

My heart was beating dully inside my chest. I didnt have much time. I had to hurry. But my fingers holding the pencil just hung there in midair, immobilized. It was as though everything from my wrist down into my hand were numb. There were several people I had to protect, and all I was able to do was draw pictures. Even so, there was no way I could draw him. I stared at the whirling fog. Im sorry, but your times up, the man without a face said a little while later. From his faceless mouth, he let out a deep breath, like pale fog hovering over a river.

Please wait. If you give me just a little more time

The man put his black hat back on, once again hiding half of his face. One day Ill visit you again. Maybe by then youll be able to draw me. Until then, Ill keep this penguin charm.

Then he vanished. Like a mist suddenly blown away by a freshening breeze, he vanished into thin air. All that remained was the unoccupied chair and the glass table. The penguin charm was gone from the tabletop.

It all seemed like a short dream. But I knew very well that it wasnt. If this was a dream, then the world Im living in itself must all be a dream.

Maybe someday Ill be able to draw a portrait of nothingness. Just like another artist was able to complete a painting titled Killing Commendatore. But to do so I would need time to get to that point. I would have to have time on my side.