Kanae Minato - Penance

Dear Asako,

Thank you so much for attending my wedding the other day.

I was worried all through the ceremony that when you saw the crowd of my relatives whod come from that country town youd remember the events that took place back then, back in that town, and be upset. They never seem aware of how rude they are sometimes.

The only good thing about that town I grew up in is the sparkling clean air. The first time I realized thisthat besides the clean air the town had little else to recommend itwas seven years ago, after Id graduated from high school and gone on to a womens college in Tokyo.

I lived in the college dorm for four years. When I told my parents I wanted to go to Tokyo for college, both of them were dead set against it.

Some lowlife might trick you, they argued, and force you into prostitution. Then what? Whatll you do if you get hooked on drugs? Or get killed?

You were raised in the city, Asako, so Im sure youll laugh when you read this, wondering what could possibly lead them to these ideas.

You watch too much 24 City, I countered, naming one of my parents favorite TV shows, but the truth is Id often imagined the same kind of frightening scenario. Still, I desperately wanted to go to Tokyo.

Whats so special about Tokyo? my father shot back. There are other colleges in our prefecture that offer the major youre interested in. If its too much to commute to school from home, apartments are cheaper here. And if anything happens, you can always come home. We can all rest easy.

Rest easy? Are you kidding? Youre the ones who know best how petrified Ive been the last eight years living here.

Once I said this, they stopped their objections. Theyd allow me to go to Tokyo, but on one condition: that I didnt live alone in an apartment, but in the dorm. I was fine with that.

Id never been to Tokyo in my life and found it a totally different world. When I got off the Shinkansen train the first time, the station was packedpeople as far as the eye could see. There were probably more people in the station alone than in the whole town Id just come from. But what surprised me even more was how people managed to walk without bumping into each other. Even as I wandered around, stopping to check the signs to take the subway, I was able to arrive at my destination without colliding with anyone.

I was surprised, too, when I got on the subway. Passengers hardly ever talked to each other, even when theyd gotten on board with others. Occasionally Id hear someone laugh or people talking, but those were usually foreigners, not Japanese.

Until junior high Id walked to school every day, then ridden a bicycle, so the only time Id taken a train was a couple of times a year when I went with friends or family to a neighboring town to a department store or shopping mall. During the hour-long ride we never stopped talking.

What should I buy? Its their birthday next month so I should get them something. What should we have for lunch? McDonalds or KFC?The way we actedtalking the entire waywasnt so outlandish, I dont think. There were lots of people talking and laughing throughout the train, and nobody objected, so I always thought that was how you acted on trains.

It suddenly struck me that Tokyo residents dont notice their surroundings. They have no interest in the people around them. As long as the person sitting next to them isnt bothering them, they couldnt care less. Not a speck of interest in the title of the book the person across the aisle from them is reading. Even if the person standing right in front of them is carrying an expensive designer bag, nobody notices.

Before I realized it, I was crying. People might think Im homesick, I thought, a hick lugging a huge bag around, sitting there blubbering. Embarrassed, I wiped away the tears, glancing nervously around me, but not a single person was looking at me.

Right then it struck me: Tokyo was a more wonderful place than Id ever imagined.

I didnt come to Tokyo for the upscale shopping or all the great places to have fun at. What I wanted was to melt into the crowds of people who didnt know about my past, and vanish.

More precisely, because Id witnessed a murder, and the person who committed it had not been caught, what I wanted more than anything was to disappear from his radar forever.

Four of us shared a dorm room, all from rural places far from Tokyo, and the first day in the dorm we vied with each other in bragging about our hometowns. My place has the most delicious udon noodles, one said proudly, mine has a hot springs, mine has a famous Major League Baseball player who lives near my parents house, said another. That sort of thing. The other three girls were from the countryside, but at least Id heard of the towns they came from.

But when I told them the name of my town, none of them even knew which prefecture it was in.

What kind of place is it? they asked, and I answered: A place where the air is sparkling clean. I know you of all people would understand this, Asako, that I wasnt just saying this because I had nothing else to be proud of.

Id been born in that rural town and breathed the air there every day without ever giving it a second thought. But the first time I became aware that the air was so very pure and fresh was just after I entered fourth grade, the spring of the year the murder took place.

One day our social studies teacher, Ms. Sawada, told us, You all live in the place with the cleanest air in all of Japan. Do you know why I can say that? Precision instruments used in hospitals and research have to be manufactured in a completely dust-free environment. Thats why they build factories that make these instruments in places where the air is pure. And this year a new factory was built here by Adachi Manufacturing Company. That the top precision instrument maker in Japan built a factory here means this town was chosen because it has the cleanest air in the whole country. You should all be very proud of living in this wonderful town.