Haigh - The Uncyclopedia

THE
UNCYCLOPEDIA

Gideon Haigh

An epigraph is the superscription of a book appearing near the title page, usually taking the form of an allusive citation hinting to its intent

SAMPLE : He was dull in a new way, and that made many people think him great. Samuel Johnson (of Gray)

or generally to the life of letters.

SAMPLE: Outside of a dog, a book is mans best friend. Inside of a dog, its too dark to read. Groucho Marx

A foreword, derived from the German vorwort, is properly a word in advance about the book and/or its creator written by someone other than the author.

SAMPLE : I was delighted to get a letter from Mike Brearley from Australia last winter asking me if Id be prepared to write the forward to his next book. Delighted not only because I could leave the letter lying round to impress people; delighted not just that a former philosophy don could make such a basic spelling mistake; but delighted also because I like the man and found his first book The Return of the Ashes the most interesting book on cricket Ive read. John Cleese, The Ashes Retained by Mike Brearley and Dudley Doust, 1979.

A preface is likewise an advance word, though generally written by the author, and containing advice about their intentions in writing the book.

SAMPLE: Study these rules and imitate the English. There can only be one result: if you dont succeed in imitating them you become ridiculous; if you do, you become even more ridiculous. George Mikes, How to Be an Alien, 1946.

An introduction is a preliminary statement, again by the author, foreshadowing and explaining the books contents and structure.

SAMPLE: Last of all I print the sad letter I received from an unknown lady, written the day before she committed suicideprompted in part, as it would appear, by gloom engendered by reading my articles in Spectator. I hope this book does not have the same effect on many people. Auberon Waugh, Another Voice: An Alternative Anatomy of Britain, 1986.

Acknowledgments may appear at the beginnings or ends of books, to express thanks for specific gestures of assistance or general acts of support and friendship.

SAMPLE: Writers often thank their colleagues for their help. Mine have given none Writers often thank their typists. I thank mine. Mrs. George Cook is not a particularly good typist, but her spelling and grammar are good. The responsibility for any mistakes is mine, but the fault is hers. Finally, writers often thank their wives. I have no wife. Edward Ingram, The Beginning of the Great Game in Asia 18281834, 1979.

Human sleep divides into four stages of non-rapid eye movement sleep (NREM) and one of rapid eye movement sleep (REM), occurring in a ninety-minute cycle repeated around five times a night. Cycles gradually replace Stage 3 and 4 sleep with longer periods of alternating Stage 2 and 5 sleep: roughly half the final cycle is Stage 2, half Stage 5. The stages and the portions they represent of a normal nights sleep are as follows:

Stage 1: Transitional sleep, 25 percent.

Stage 2: Baseline sleep, 4560 percent: Brain waves follow theta rhythms.

Stages 3 and 4: Slow Wave sleep, 3040 percent: Brain waves follow slower delta rhythms. This is the deepest and most restorative form of sleep.

Stage 5: REM sleep, 2025 percent: Breathing, heart rate, and brain wave activity quicken. Dreams occur.

A mari usque ad mare (L: From sea to sea) Canada, derived from Psalm 72:8: He shall have dominion from sea to sea.

Ad majorem Dei gloriam (L: To the Greater Glory of God) The Jesuits, Roman Catholic religious order founded by St. Ignatius Loyola (c. 14911556) in 1534.

Aut Caesar, aut nihil (L: Caesar or nothing) Inscribed on the sword of Cesare Borgia (14761507).

Bene qui sedulo (L: He lives well who lives industriously) Lords Northcliffe (18651922) and Rothermere (19251998), British press barons.

Candor illaesus (L: Purity unsullied) Giulio de Medici (14781534), nephew of Lorenzo the Magnificent, Pope Clement VII from 1523.

Cedo nuli (L: I yield to none) Desiderius Erasmus (c. 14661536), Dutch humanist and theologian.

Christus vincit, Christus regnat, Christus triumphat (L: Christ conquers, Christ reigns, Christ triumphs) Charlemagne (742814), Emperor of the West.

Cum grege non graditur (L: He does not walk with the flock) Cardinal Benedetti Odescalchi (16111689), Pope Innocent XI from 1676.

Dieu et mon droit (Fr: God and my right) English and British sovereigns, coined in 1198 by Richard I (11571199) after his victory at Gisors.

E pluribus unum (L: From the many, one) United States of America, adopted in 1782; the many refers to the thirteen original colonies, the one to their union.

Exemplum adest ipse homo (L: The man himself is present as an example) The Franklin family of the USA, including Benjamin (17061790).

Felis demulcta mitis (L: A stroked cat is gentle) The Lords Brocket, British aristocrats, lately disgraced by conviction of present lord in insurance scam. According to Tony Blair, in February 1997: The first Lord Brocket bought the title from Lloyd George; the second Lord Brocket was one of Britains leading Nazi sympathisers; and the third Lord Brocket is serving five years for fraud.

Fiat justitia et pereas mundus (L: Let justice be done, though the world perish) Ferdinand I (15031564), Holy Roman Emperor.

Hoc pretium cive servato tulit (L: He bears this reward for having saved a citizen) Appears on the Medal of the Royal Humane Society.

Honi soit qui mal y pense