Raicu - Global Warming and Other Trivia: a Satirical Debate

GLOBAL WARMING

& other trivia

Published by Brolga Publishing Pty Ltd

ABN 46 063 962 443

PO Box 12544

ABeckett St

Melbourne, VIC, 8006

Australia

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All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise without prior permission from the publisher.

Copyright 2015 Stefan Raicu

National Library of Australia

Cataloguing-in-Publication data

Raicu, Stefan, author.

Global Warming & Other Trivia

ISBN: 9781925367096 (paperback)

ISBN: 9781925367515 (ebook)

Subjects: Global warming--Fiction.

Earth (Planet)--Miscellanea

A823.4

Printed in Australia

Cover design by Luke Harris

Typesetting by Tara Wyllie

It has now been a couple of years since the thought of writing a book on climate change and global warming first crossed my mind. I thought about it again and again and always rejected the idea for the reason that I didnt have any relevant credentials.

But as time passed, and having seen and heard some purportedly competent and authorised experts talking so much baloney about the subject, I resolved that it would be damn hard for anyone to do any worse than those gurus.

I originally intended to write a book titled Global Warming as Perceived by a Non-Scientist, but changed my mind before completing the first page. To me an average bloke of average intelligence and less than average polish the word scientist sounds so pompous and pretentious that even a derivative of the idiom, like non-scientist, gives me an uncomfortable feeling of self-importance.

The logic might sound strange as one would think that the potential reader would straight away discard any pretentiousness on my part, as it is obvious that non-scientist is the very opposite of scientist and it is the word scientist that gives the sense of self-importance.

But, if by trying to elucidate the logic Ive made it even more obscure, Id state as my foremost argument, omnipresent throughout this book, that nothing about global warming is either clear or logical.

Before I go any further, in case youve noticed that I described myself as of less than average polish, I should perhaps clarify that I am playing on this word, for my own amusement. For I am not Polish, though some people think I am. I am Romanian by origin and Australian by adoption.

Back to scientist In the Macquarie Dictionary, the word is classified as a noun and defined as one versed in or devoted to science, especially physical or natural science. Thats definitely not me. Im rather dedicated to grilled beef steaks, cold beer, and rugby league.

Though I am of average intelligence only and not versed in anything in particular, I still have enough common sense to spot a whopper when I see or hear it. And this monumental fabrication, not so much about climate change, but on human induced global warming and its catastrophic consequences on the planet and future generations, Ive heard it so many times that I am sick of it.

There is so much discussion on the Internet on climate change and global warming I actually got more than 13 million results when I did a Google search that I couldnt possibly throw any additional light on it.

So, my focus in this book is not so much to debate whether global warming is real or not, but to offer an unsophisticated approach pointing out how insignificant and miniscule in the context of the solar system, of the galaxy and of the greater universe, our planet is. From this perspective, I find the belief of some scientists that human activity could in any way change the climate of the planet a complete pie in the sky. I honestly find the idea that humans can play God not only nave, but arrogant as well.

I also thought it would be worthwhile to briefly present in this book the other option to global warming. The alternative being a much more sinister and indeed destructive scenario named global cooling or, in its more extreme form, glacial era, or ice age.

On the playing God aberration, I will conclude the introduction with a quip which I found pertinent. One day Jimmy met God and asked in awe, God, what is a million years to you? It is like a second, said God. Jimmy reflected a little while and asked, God, what is a million dollars to you? Its like a cent, replied God. Again Jimmy pondered that and said, God, could you give me one cent, please? Sure, just wait a second, replied God.

By the way, there are quite a few jokes throughout this book, not necessarily associated with the topics being discussed. I thought it would make the reading a little more entertaining on an otherwise pretty dull subject. And if some folks do find the global warming topic too boring, they might just flick through the book and read the gags.

Anyway, Ive deviated a little from what Id started to say at the outset. So, what I meant to say was that Id planned to put together a book on climate change and global warming and ended up writing a little bit about those difficult subjects but found myself wandering into other more or less related topics.

Some do believe in global warming and others dont. I guess it is fair to disclose from the outset that I dont. In spite of that, I appreciate that we live in a democratic system and everyone is entitled to believe in whatever they like.

The purpose of this book is not to attempt to change the conviction of those readers whose views are at odds with mine. I know very well that even if I tried to do so, it would be just a waste of time. What I propose to do is to touch on a few topics that I find of interest and, hopefully, provide some light entertainment during the process.

To make the reading easier and hopefully more engaging, the issues are presented in a discussion format, in an imaginary forum. The characters chosen for the debate are a politician named Green, a professor-researcher and astronomer called Dick, an ordinary bloke named Max and a hostess or facilitator, whose name is Belle.

The lengthy discussion was recorded over a number of short sessions which took place in a television studio of one of the commercial stations. The three men sat at a long table, while Belle used a small desk at a ninety degrees angle to the front-right of the three-man panel. The sessions, in a questions and answers format, were held in front of a sitting audience of some 200 men and women forming a semicircle around the stage.

A laptop on a console table was linked to a power point projector and gave the presenter the option of displaying explanatory slides on a white board facing the audience.

Thanks to his extraordinary memory, Professor Dick the scientist and main speaker didnt really need a projector. He quoted a multitude of data and numbers by rote.

And even when Professor Dick did use the projector very briefly, a good percentage of the mob didnt seem too interested in the displayed slides and paid instead more attention to Belle, who was in the habit of moving freely around the podium, just like a model on a catwalk whenever she felt like it. And she felt like it plenty, to the excitement of most males in the crowd. When saying this, I should add that Belle