Lawrence Dorfman - The Snark Bible: A Reference Guide to Verbal Sparring, Comebacks, Irony, Insults, and So Much More

Skyhorse and Skyhorse Publishing are registered trademarks of Skyhorse Publishing, Inc., a Delaware corporation. Visit our website at www.skyhorsepublishing.com. 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available on file. Cover design by Owen Corrigan Cover photo credit Thinkstock ISBN: 978-1-62914-429-0 Ebook ISBN: 978-1-63220-129-4 Printed in China CONTENTS THE BOOK OF
POLITICS Musing Philosophic Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business. TOM ROBBINS Never underestimate the ego of a politician. H. L. L.

MENCKEN The American political system is like fast foodmushy, insipid, made out of disgusting parts of things... and everybody wants some. P. J. OROURKE Politics is a blood sport. ANEURIN BEVAN In politics, nothing happens by accident.

If it happens, you can bet it was planned that way. FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT Power draws the corrupted; absolute power would draw the absolutely corrupted. COLIN BARTH One of the little celebrated powers of presidents is to listen to their critics with just enough sympathy to ensure their silence. JOHN KENNETH GALBRAITH When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become president; Im beginning to believe it. CLARENCE DARROW Man cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter. JAMES A.

GARFIELD POLITICS IS... ... the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy. GROUCHO MARX ... the skilled use of blunt objects. LESTER B.

PEARSON ... made up largely of irrelevancies. DALTON CAMP ... perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary. ROBERT LOUIS STEVENSON ... the art of preventing people from sticking their noses in things that are properly their business.

PAUL VALERY ... the art of postponing decisions until they are no longer relevant. HENRI QUEUILLE ... supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. like football; if you see daylight, go through the hole. JOHN F. JOHN F.

KENNEDY Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself... you can always write a book. RONALD REAGAN Politics is not the art of the impossible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable. JOHN KENNETH GALBRAITH The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.

HUBERT HUMPHREY I always figured the American public wanted a solemn ass for president, so I went along with them. CALVIN COOLIDGE The vice presidency is like the last cookie on the plate. Everybody insists he wont take it, but somebody always does. BILL VAUGHAN The man with the best job in the country is the vice president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, Hows the president? WILL ROGERS On Democracy Democracy means government by discussion, but it is only effective if you can stop people talking. CLEMENT ATLEE Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get all the blame.

LAURENCE J. PETER The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter. WINSTON CHURCHILL I believe democracy is our greatest export. At least until China figures out a way to stamp it out of plastic for three cents a unit. STEPHEN COLBERT Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people. OSCAR WILDE Democracy substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.

GEORGE BERNARD SHAW When a man assumes a public trust, he should consider himself as public property. THOMAS JEFFERSON Always be sincere, even if you dont mean it. HARRY S. TRUMAN A fool and his money are soon elected. WILL ROGERS Everybody knows politics is a contact sport. JOHN F. JOHN F.

KENNEDY Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be president, but they dont want them to become politicians in the process. JOHN F. KENNEDY Being president is like running a cemetery: youve got a lot of people under you and nobodys listening. BILL CLINTON I have no ambition to govern men; it is a painful and thankless office. THOMAS JEFFERSON All the president is... HARRY S. HARRY S.

TRUMAN The pay is good and I can walk to work. JOHN F. KENNEDY Oh, that lovely title, ex-president. DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER Capitalism is the astounding belief that the most wickedest of men will do the most wickedest of things for the greatest good of everyone. JOHN MAYNARD KEYNES Apparently, a democracy is a place where numerous elections are held at great cost without issues and with interchangeable candidates.

GORE VIDAL The office of president is such a bastardized thing, half royalty and half democracy that nobody knows whether to genuflect or spit. JIMMY BRESLIN Trying to get the presidency to work these days is like trying to sew buttons on a custard pie. JAMES BARBER Those that are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber. PLATO I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. CHARLES DE GAULLE A mans got to believe in something. W. C. C.

FIELDS A politician should have three hats. One for throwing into the ring, one for talking through, and one for pulling rabbits out of if elected. CARL SANDBURG Any American who is prepared to run for president should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from ever doing so. GORE VIDAL One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors. PLATO There is one thing about being presidentno one can tell you when to sit down. DWIGHT D.

EISENHOWER Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage. H. L. MENCKEN Theres nothing left... but to get drunk. is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind. is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind.

GEORGE ORWELL In the lexicon of the political class, the word sacrifice means that the citizens are supposed to mail even more of their income to Washington so that the political class will not have to sacrifice the pleasure of spending it. GEORGE WILL Society is like a stew. If you dont stir it up every once in a while then a layer of scum floats to the top. EDWARD ABBEY Politics makes estranged bedfellows. GOODMAN ACE If a tree falls in a forest and lands on a politician, even if you cant hear the tree or the screams, Ill bet youd at least hear the applause. PAUL TINDALE It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried.