Sumner Brooks - How to Raise an Intuitive Eater: Raising the Next Generation with Food and Body Confidence

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For the kids who deserve unconditional love, now and always.

As the coauthor of Intuitive Eating, which was first published in 1995 and is now in its fourth edition, I have spent many years of my career helping people rediscover trust in their inner wisdom to navigate their eating lives and to discover an appreciation for their here-and-now bodies. So many people have credited Intuitive Eating with healing their relationship with food and their bodies.

But if we pause for a moment, we might question why its even necessary for them to do this intensive work. Werent they born with all of this innate wisdom? Of course they were! Babies instinctively know when theyre hungry and full. They dont need an instruction book to guide them to and away from the breast or bottle. Shouldnt this intrinsic ability continue throughout life?

Unfortunately, a disconnect from this wisdom often emerges when an infant grows into an independent toddler who is on the path toward developing their individual identity. The well-meaning parent begins to question whether their child will make the right choices to keep them healthy and growing. The parent then begins to direct and often control what and how much their child is eating. Eventually, that newborn Intuitive Eater can evolve into a teen and then an adult who has lost trust in their inner wisdom and searches for an outside source to guide them in their eating choicesone that often leads them down a misdirected path of self-judgment and despair.

There is so much at stake when a parent tries to do the right thing and ends up failing. This failure can appear as a food fight between child and parent, a child who ends up sneaking the foods that have been forbidden, and/or a child who eventually develops shame about their body or even an eating disorder, because they dont meet diet cultures unrealistic ideals. If only these parents could have found that instruction book that didnt come with birth, to help them achieve their best intentions and to prevent their childs diversion from inner trust. The only problem is this instruction book is nowhere to be found.

Intuitive Eating is directed toward adults, and the Intuitive Eating Workbook for Teens toward teens. But adults and teens have far more autonomy, for the most part, and agency in their decisions about eating than children do. I receive innumerable requests for more information about how to raise kids as Intuitive Eaters and have known for a long time that there needed to be a book that is explicit in guidance, with a solid framework of motivation for parents to take the leap of faith and jump into this uncharted territory.

Parents want simple how-to answers to properly guide their childrens eating life and to avoid these painful problems. But how-to answers arent enough to break through what are often generations-old beliefs about child-rearing. First, the parent needs preparation for this journey, which includes a deep dive into their own eating history and beliefs and a resolution to make changes in their own relationship to food and body, if needed. Also necessary is acceptance that children are born with all the wisdom they need about how to eat, a commitment to tune in to their childs signals, and respect that the childs inner wisdom will continue to guide them throughout their growing years and their entire lives.

So why this book? Rather than an instruction book, its a comforting, reassuring safe place for parents to land that helps them release the reins and learn what it takes to help their child maintain an intuitive, self-regulating pace of eating. At the beginning of their journey, parents will find a thorough teaching and understanding of the psychology behind the negative effects of external control, as well as an appreciation for the power of role modeling. This will provide the framework and motivation to venture into a new and exciting way of guiding their children toward the joy, satisfaction, and trust that accompanies Intuitive Eating.

Before I continue describing the book that youre about to read, Id like to circle back to the newborn infant. All animals and humans are born with a survival instinct, and the primary source of survival is food. Now, most parents are eager to listen to their newborn infants signal that announces that theyre ready to eat. Sometimes there may be confusion about the difference between a hunger signal, a sleepy signal, or simply one that says, Notice meI want to be held, but very quickly, parents learn what each cry means. They also become acutely aware of when the infant has had enough to eat. If a parent tries to push the baby back on the breast or bottle after the little one turns it aside, the baby will rule, and feeding will stop.

The babys emotional journey also begins at birth. Babies are born with an ability to express their emotions. Anyone who has been around a baby knows that they express these emotions through smiles, giggles, and frequent crying. With these emotions, theyre conveying their wants, needs, and joy in living. The world can be a frightening place, and this tiny infant looks to caregivers for consistent and predictable care. The attuned parent will very soon learn to honor their childs physical and emotional needs. With this, most importantly, the child is able to trust that their needs in life will be met. Theyll also quickly learn that their hunger and fullness signals can be trusted.

What infants arent born with, however, are language and beliefs about food and appearance. They emerge, instead, as a result of their environment. Infants take in language and cadence by mimicking their parents. They babble; words emerge, and finally sentences. And as time goes on, the familys beliefs become ingrained in the child.

If only it were as simple to stay present and attuned to the childs innate wisdom about eating as the infant becomes a toddler and beyond. Something often goes awry when solid food is introduced. For so many families, a disconnect begins to emerge, as the parent replaces these inborn messages with external messages about eating that come from a multitude of sources. Whether its the pediatrician who becomes concerned that the child is gaining weight too quickly or not quickly enough, or a well-meaning grandparent who feels they know best about how to feed the child, or the persistent influx of noise from all forms of media, parents can become confused about the right thing to do when feeding their child.

This is why its so crucial for families to challenge and dismantle the beliefs that they have introjected from societyespecially if diet culture has intruded into their belief system about food and body. If not, these beliefs will be passed down to their children.

This book will literally save lives. As the authors document, dieting and a focus on shrinking ones body increases the risk for eating disorders. And eating disorders can be deadly.

By following the brilliant wisdom that this book contains, parents can break through the dogma theyre fed that tells them its their responsibility to help their children maintain or attain optimal health by keeping them in a smaller body. Accurate information offers them the first tools theyll need.