Barbara J. Morvay - My Brother is Different: A Parents Guide to Help Children Cope with an Autistic Sibling

Illustrations By Lisa Confora

The illustrations in this book were rendered in watercolor.

Graphic Design By Jeanne B. Daubner

Pursuant to the Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act (CPSIA),

Printed in the United States

February 2010 7040

by BookMasters, Inc.

30 Amberwood Parkway

Ashland OH 44805

Copyright 2009 by Barbara J. Morvay

Library of Congress, Washington, D. C.

US $24.99

Canada $29.99

ISBN 978-0-9709582-1

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, except in the case of brief quotations utilized for the purpose of articles or reviews of the work, without the express written permission of the author.

The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real people, living or dead, is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.

For information or to order additional copies, visit www.mybrotherisdifferent.com

My Brother is Different is a book about Autism in the most unconventional sense. This book is not about the Autistic child per se. Its focus is on the sibling of the Autistic child, the so-called normal child. The book is a valuable guide to help families cope with the overwhelming feelings and fears experienced by the normal child.

The book is two-sided; Part I is for the parents. It deals honestly with the effect their Autistic child is having on their other child, the normal one. It provides straight talk and a unique perspective about a difficult subject.

In Part II, parents turn the book over and begin to read the book with the normal child. Parts II and III are written from a childs perspective with accurate illustrations, which support the realistic subject matter. The thoughts and feelings of the sibling are shared through his eyes.

Finally, Part III becomes a vehicle for acceptance through positive affirmations that replace negative thoughts with positive, reinforcing statements. It helps children accept and cope with their life while reinforcing parental love. It resounds with the affirmation, MY BROTHER IS DIFFERENT, BUT THATS OK, I LOVE HIM ANYWAY!

For CMM
For believing in me,
Forever and Always.

No work would be complete without a list of those
individuals who helped me along the way.

To my children, Sheila and Scott, my first treasures.
You are my inspiration.
For Chloe and Cooper, my latest blessings.
To Mike for his devotion.

To my brother Larry, who pushed me for 20 years
to Write it already!

~ BJM

A parents guide to help children cope with an Autistic sibling

M y Brother is Different is a book about Autism in the most unconventional sense. Autism has been growing at an alarming rate. It is hard to turn on the television, read the newspaper, or pick up a magazine without finding Autism featured.

On a daily basis, families are trying to cope and are bombarded with information. Yet, there isnt much out there about the normal child in the household, the child witnessing the family in crisis.

This book is NOT about the Autistic child; it offers no theories or magic pills. Rather, it is a recipe to help families cope with the overwhelming feelings, fears, and everyday life as experienced by their normal child. It will assist the parent with acknowledging fundamental yet painful truths while assisting their normal child cope with the life he or she lives.

The book is two-sided; Part I of the book is for you, the parent. It deals honestly with the reality of life and the effect your Autistic child is having on your other child, the normal one. This section explains the basis for the book and identifies its purpose. By dealing with the fundamental issues, it states in plain language how you got here, what is really happening in your life, and how you can help your normal child. It presents the difficulties rarely discussed about the child who is often forgotten but tremendously affected by his or her Autistic sibling. It provides straight talk and a unique perspective about a difficult subject. It details how parents can sometimes forget the emotional needs of their normal child. It reviews the range of emotions that floods the mind of the normal child in a straightforward manner. Negative thoughts played over and over in the mind become real and frightening to a child. Sometimes their young minds cant put their thoughts into words, yet they feel bad. They can feel anger, guilt, and shame. By addressing these issues with your child and reading them aloud you give your child a powerful message. You begin to control the situation and slowly replace his or her negative feelings with positive messages. Since the majority of Autistic children are males, I have chosen to call the Autistic child in this book, my brother.

Part II of the book should be read to your normal child. It is written at a childs level with simple illustrations that provide accurate visual support of this difficult subject. In terms that children will understand, it addresses their fears and negative emotions. It is written from the childs point of view. Bottled-up thoughts and negative emotions are brought out in the open. After this section is completed, the next portion of the book is read. This section, Part III, can stand alone, as its own independent book. Initially, it must be read as a partner to Part II. However once Part II is read and openly discussed a few times (you be the judge of how many), important lines of communication are established, and reviewing this section will no longer be necessary.

Part III of the book contains powerful affirmations that replace negative thoughts with positive, reinforcing statements that help the child cope. They become aware that their feelings are normal; everyone has bad thoughts from time to time. They learn that they are valued and loved and that their parents are not angry with them. It helps the child realize that he or she is not responsible for their siblings problems or behaviors. This section may be read over and over to remind and reinforce positive messages. It will help them with their anxiety and fears. You, as the parent, will help them learn how to cope with their feelings and their life. Learning to accept their situation and find peace is such an important life lesson. You will help your child work on this goal.

No one goes into parenthood looking for problems. We go with hopes and dreams. The journey as a parent begins when you first learn that you are pregnant. You are excited, happy, and perhaps fearful and concerned. You go through the long nine-month period of waiting. Finally, the long awaited day comes; the baby finally arrives! Wow, you never saw anything so small. He has all his fingers and toes and appears perfect. You are in love. The wonder of that tiny baby who gurgles and cries and needs you is awe-inspiring. You are grateful for his health, his robust appetite, and even his piercing cry. You go home and begin your new life as a family. You have hopes and dreams for your little one. You feel blessed. As you look into his eyes, you see his bright future. His tiny fingers grasp yours, and you feel so responsible for this little bundle of life. Life with a newborn is chaotic and a blur. The baby grows and seems to thrive. All is well.