Kay West - How to Raise a Lady Revised and Expanded: A Civilized Guide to Helping Your Daughter Through Her Uncivilized Childhood

HOW TO
RAISE
A
Lady

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HOW TO
RAISE
A
Lady

REVISED AND EXPANDED

................................................

A CIVILIZED GUIDE TO HELPING
YOUR DAUGHTER THROUGH
HER UNCIVILIZED CHILDHOOD

KAY WEST

2001, 2012 by Kay West

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or otherexcept for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Thomas Nelson. Thomas Nelson is a registered trademark of Thomas Nelson, Inc.

Thomas Nelson, Inc., titles may be purchased in bulk for educational, business, fund-raising, or sales promotional use. For information, please e-mail SpecialMarkets@ThomasNelson.com.

ISBN: 978-1-4016-0463-9 (repack)

The Library of Congress has cataloged an earlier edition as follows:

West, Kay, 1995
How to raise a lady / by Kay West.
p. cm.
ISBN: 978-1-55853-941-9 (hardcover)
ISBN: 978-1-40160-186-7 (leather edition)
1. Child rearing. 2. Etiquette for children and teenagers. 3. Etiquette for girls. I. Title.
HQ769.W447 2001
649.133dc21 2001004339

Printed in the United States of America

12 13 14 15 16 WOR 6 5 4 3 2 1

For my parents, who taught
me manners; For my children,
who taught me parenting;
And to RRT for the rest

CONTENTS

Leading the Way to Good Manners

Please, Thank You, Excuse Me, and Other Early Social Interventions

Yes Sir, No Sir, and Other Regional Divides

Shopping, Offices, and Waiting Rooms

Playgrounds, Playdates, and Playing Well with Others

Sleepovers: Friends and Relatives

Party Manners

Dining In and Out

Cultural Affairs: the Theater, Movies, Sports, Museums, and Libraries

Traveling Manners

Bathroom Habits, Beauty Products, and Personal Grooming

Modesty, Boundaries, and Appropriate Attire

Temper Temper

Religion, Politics, and Santa Claus

Telephone Manners

Computers, the Internet, and Social Media

Staring and Differences

Preachers and Teachers; Church and School

Mean Girls and Bullying

Good Sportsmanship

Written Correspondence

Giving and Receiving

ix

B abies are miracles, miniature models of full-grown humans, carrying the genes and DNA that form the framework of a stunning beauty or a natural athlete, an ear for music, an eye for art, a brain for business. Its all in that precious little package, the seeds of a full-grown girl with sparkly green eyes, curly red hair, a dimpled smile, long legs, an allergy to strawberries, a love of poetry, and an inexplicable attraction to reptiles.

One thing a baby is not born with and a young lady will not learn unless she is taught are good manners. Among the hundreds of expenses that constitute the soaring costs of raising a child from conception to graduation, the development of manners is the least costly. In fact, it is absolutely free. And the bonus is that teaching your little girl good manners is the one investment you can make with guaranteed returns. She may be trilingual by the time shes in second grade, but if she doesnt say please and thank you in at least one language, she is at a disadvantage among those who do. She may be able to compose an impressively thoughtful haiku, but if she doesnt write her grandmother to say thank you for a very thoughtful birthday gift, she may not receive a gift on her next birthday. She may be the leading scorer on her eight-year-olds soccer team, but if she berates a teammate who misses a key shot, shes a poor candidate to be a leader.

x

While rules of proper etiquette define a formal code of behavior and can be quite complicated, good manners are born from common courtesy and common courtesy is quite simple. Courtesy is based on respect, civility, kindness, and consideration. It is being mindful of others, whether you are in their presence or not. Courtesy walks hand in hand with good manners, and both are the embodiment of the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Good manners are the practical applications of kindness. They will open more doors, charm more acquaintances, and make more memorable first impressions than all the French, flute, and tennis lessons combined.

Good manners begin with the assimilation of examples set by parents. How to Raise a Lady is a book for parents of girls. It is for parents who want to do the right thing, but who may need a few pointers themselves. This is not a book of formal etiquette, but a guide to good manners supported by a commonsense collection of real-life advice, time-tested tips, and lessons learned. This instruction manual will prove to be as helpful for fully grown humans as it is for those still in the developmental stages. The basics can be acquired by toddlers and with daily application will last a lifetime. It is never too soon to begin or too late to catch up.

xiii

26 THINGS TO REMEMBER

Use please, thank you, and excuse me.

Always.

Wait your turn.

Be generous with compliments and stingy with criticism.

Listen to your child when she speaks to you, even if youve heard it before.

Do not discipline your child in front of others.

Do not correct any child on her manners, other than your own, and always do that privately.

Be clear about what you expect.

Be consistent.

Do not give in to temper tantrums.

xiv

Do not lose your temper.

Admit when you are wrong; offer an apology when you owe one.

Let your child know when a discussion has become a decision.

Words can hurt; do not hurl them about as weapons.

Respect your childs privacy and boundaries. Knock first.

Do not impose your ideology, and respect those whose ideology differs from your own.

Agree to disagree.

Give credit where credit is due.

Hold the door.

Lend a hand.

Be a good sport.

Be a gracious loser, and a generous winner.

Give more than you are asked.

Dont take more than you need.

Leave a place cleaner than you found it.

Do not respond to rudeness with rudeness.

Winning is not the only thing, and nice girls do finish first.