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George R.R. Martin - The Wit & Wisdom of Tyrion Lannister

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The Wit & Wisdom of Tyrion Lannister: summary, description and annotation

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The perfect gift for fans of George R. R. Martins A Song of Ice and Fire novels and HBOs Game of Thrones: a collection of wicked one-liners from the incomparable Imp of Casterly Rock, fully illustrated by Jonty Clark!
My mind is my weapon. My brother has his sword, King Robert has his warhammer, and I have my mind . . . and a mind needs books as a sword needs a whetstone if it is to keep its edge.
The jealous masses of the Seven Kingdoms may call him Halfman, but none have ever accused Tyrion Lannister of being a halfwit. His golden tongue has saved his skin slightly more often than it has landed him in mortal peril. Now, this special illustrated volume preserves his most essential knowledge for future generations, featuring time-tested guidance on such varied subjects as . . .
The art of persuasion
The best lies are seasoned with a bit of truth.
Fine dining
A little honest loathing can be refreshing, like a tart wine after too much sweet.
The fair sex
The young ones smell much better, but the old ones know more tricks.
Royal politics
Crowns do queer things to the heads beneath them.
Common ailments
A sword through the bowels. A sure cure for constipation.
At once charming, insightful, and ruthlessly irreverent, The Wit & Wisdom of Tyrion Lannister is short on pretense and overflowing with finely crafted gemsjust like the man himself.

George R.R. Martin: author's other books


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The Wit and Wisdom of Tyrion Lannister is a work of fiction Names characters - photo 1
The Wit and Wisdom of Tyrion Lannister is a work of fiction Names characters - photo 2

The Wit and Wisdom of Tyrion Lannister is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the authors imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright 2013 by George R. R. Martin

All rights reserved.

Published in the United States by Bantam Books, an imprint of The Random House Publishing Group, a division of Random House LLC, a Penguin Random House Company, New York.

B ANTAM B OOKS and the H OUSE colophon are registered trademarks of Random House LLC.

eBook ISBN: 978-0-345-53914-4
Hardcover ISBN: 978-0-345-53912-0

Printed in the United States of America on acid-free paper

www.bantamdell.com

Interior design by Foltz Design

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Contents
On Being a Dwarf All dwarfs are bastards in their fathers eyes A Game - photo 3

On Being a Dwarf


All dwarfs are bastards in their fathers eyes.


A Game of Thrones


What joy to be a dwarf.


A Dance with Dragons


I was born. I lived. I am guilty of being a dwarf, I confess it. And no matter how many times my good father forgave me, I have persisted in my infamy.


A Storm of Swords


Whatever you wear, youre still a dwarf. Youll never be as tall as that knight on the steps, him with his long straight legs and hard stomach and wide manly shoulders.


A Storm of Swords

I have been called many things but giant is seldom one of them A Game of - photo 4

I have been called many things, but giant is seldom one of them.


A Game of Thrones


The only thing more pitiful than a dwarf without a nose is a dwarf without a nose who has no gold.


A Dance with Dragons


Pissing is the least of my talents.

You ought to see me shit.


A Dance with Dragons


No one fears a dwarf.


A Dance with Dragons


All dwarfs may be bastards, yet not all bastards need be dwarfs.


A Game of Thrones


Im short, not blind.


A Clash of Kings


Do you think I might stand taller in black?


A Dance with Dragons


I am malformed, scarred, and small, but abed, when the candles are blown out, I am made no worse than other men. In the dark, I am the Knight of Flowers.


A Storm of Swords


Dwarfs are a jape of the gods, but men make eunuchs.


A Clash of Kings


They say Im half a man. What does that make the lot of you?


A Clash of Kings


I have a tender spot in my heart for cripples and bastards and broken things.


A Game of Thrones


The gods must have been drunk when they got to me.


A Dance with Dragons


I only need half my wits to be a match for you.


A Dance with Dragons


I had dreamt enough for one small life. And of such follies: love, justice, friendship, glory. As well dream of being tall.


A Dance with Dragons


It may be good luck to rub the head of a dwarf, but it is even better luck to suck on a dwarfs cock.


A Dance with Dragons

On the Power of Words My mind is my weapon My brother has his sword King - photo 5

On the Power of Words


My mind is my weapon. My brother has his sword, King Robert has his warhammer, and I have my mind and a mind needs books as a sword needs a whetstone if it is to keep its edge.


A Game of Thrones


Duck has his sword, I my quill and parchment.


A Dance with Dragons


When you tear out a mans tongue, you are not proving him a liar, youre only telling the world that you fear what he might say.


A Clash of Kings


Sleep is good. And books are better.


A Clash of Kings

Let them see that their words can cut you and youll never be free of the - photo 6

Let them see that their words can cut you, and youll never be free of the mockery. If they want to give you a name, take it, make it your own. Then they cant hurt you with it anymore.


A Game of Thrones


Guard your tongue before it digs your grave.


A Storm of Swords


Words are wind.


A Dance with Dragons

On Romance Shy maids are my favorite sort Aside from wanton ones but - photo 7

On Romance


Shy maids are my favorite sort. Aside from wanton ones but sometimes the ugliest ones are the hungriest once abed.


A Dance with Dragons


My own father could not love me. Why would you if not for gold?


A Dance with Dragons


A man grows weary of having no lovers but his fingers.


A Dance with Dragons

I plant my little seeds just as often as I can A Storm of Swords With - photo 8

I plant my little seeds just as often as I can.


A Storm of Swords


With whores, the young ones smell much better, but the old ones know more tricks.


A Dance with Dragons


I would prefer a whore who is reasonably young, with as pretty a face as you can find. If she has washed sometime this year, I shall be glad. If she hasnt, wash her.


A Game of Thrones


Sleep with Lollys? Id sooner cut it off and feed it to the goats.


A Storm of Swords


Your Grace, if you take my tongue, you will leave me no way at all to pleasure this sweet wife you gave me.


A Storm of Swords


A dwarfs cock has magical powers.


A Dance with Dragons

On Family Values A Lannister always pays his debts A Game of Thrones - photo 9

On Family Values


A Lannister always pays his debts.


A Game of Thrones


I never bet against my family.


A Game of Thrones


Hard hands and no sense of humor makes for a bad marriage.


A Dance with Dragons


I should say something, but what? Pardon me, Father, but its our brother she wants to marry.


A Storm of Swords

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