Reid Wilson PhD - Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents: 7 Ways to Stop the Worry Cycle and Raise Courageous and Independent Children

Praise for Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents

A very practical and straightforward approach to helping children learn to identify and deal with their anxiety. It has given me the tools I need to help my students and my own children. Ive tried the strategies in my classroom with great success. The kids loved naming their anxiety and even drawing a picture of it. This helped them to externalize their anxiety and take control of it. Simply brilliant and very doable!

Beth Lamb-Hamilton , teacher

I have found the strategies very easy to implement on a daily basis. It is amazing how simple they are and how well they worked!

Michelle Whalen , child and family counselor

I implemented the seven steps with my daughter who suffers from separation anxiety. As a last resort I reviewed the seven strategies and began to implement them. I am pleased and proud to say that as a family we developed a plan on how we were going to manage my daughters separation anxiety and we stuck to the plan. I think the most important skill we learned was managing the worry instead of focusing on the reason for the worry.

DeAnna Renn, RN , mother and public health nurse

This program is a simple yet very effective way to teach children and parents what anxiety is and how it works. It gives the family a common vocabulary when addressing anxiety that allows for better communication, better understanding, less frustration, and consequently, much success in empowering both the child and the parents in their pursuit to stop anxiety in its tracks. One of the best programs available!

Manon Porelle , M.A.Ps., clinical child psychologist, Canada

My son has difficulty staying overnight at peoples houses. He even gets himself so worked up he ends up vomiting and thus the late night phone call to go and pick him up. By applying the principles, we decided to have a wake-over instead of a sleepover. I sent him with flashlights, books, and crayons, with the goal of staying up all night. The other parent even made a bet of who could stay awake the longest. My son won! He stayed up until 3 am and had his first successful sleepover at a friends house! Thanks, Lynn and Reid.

Lisa Clarke , mother

Thank you to Reid Wilson and Lynn Lyons. I use their puzzle piece approach with both anxious kids and anxious parents. The approach really works if everyone works together.

Monette Boudreau , mother and teacher

The strategies of not focusing on the content of the worry have helped immensely with my twelve-year-old son who has a generalized anxiety disorder. Having him recognize the anxiety for what it is has enabled us to focus on how to deal with worry in general, rather than frustrating ourselves with explanations and rationalizations about the specific content of a worry.

Susan Double , parent

Health Communications, Inc.

Deerfield Beach, Florida

www.hcibooks.com

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Wilson, Robert R. (Robert Reid)

Anxious kids, anxious parents : 7 ways to stop the worry cycle and raise
courageous and independent children / Reid Wilson and Lynn Lyons.

pages cm

ISBN-13: 978-0-7573-1762-0 (Paperback)

ISBN-10: 0-7573-1762-6 (Paperback)

ISBN-13: 978-0-7573-1763-7 (ePub)

1. Anxiety in children. 2. Worry in children. 3. Self-confidence in
children. 4. Parenting. I. Lyons, Lynn. II. Title.

BF723.A5W55 2013

155.4'1246dc23

2013028971

2013 Reid Wilson and Lynn Lyons

All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written permission of the publisher.

HCI, its logos, and marks are trademarks of Health Communications, Inc.

Publisher: Health Communications, Inc.
3201 S.W. 15th Street
Deerfield Beach, FL 334428190

Cover photo iStockphoto
Cover and interior design by Lawna Patterson Oldfield

E-book formatting by Dawn Von Strolley Grove

To my three guys,
Crawford, Brackett, and Zed,
and of course to my parents,
Ed and Cathleen Gerwig,
with love and appreciation
for everything

Lynn

To Bob, Charlie, Michael, Matt, Jones,
Grayson, Mason, and Emma

Reid

CONTENTS

Introduction

1How Worry Moves In, How It Grows, and Why It Needs to Go

2Nurture or Nature? Either Way, You Have a Job to Do

3It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time...

4Its Actually Not Breaking News

5Same Old Worry, Very Different Responses

6The More Unsure, the Better

8Calming Down the Body

9Stepping Toward the Bigger Picture

10When Amnesia Attacks

11 Caseys Guide Will Help

12Moving Toward Courage and Independence

Using Caseys Guide to Help Your Child

Appendix A: Anxiety Disorders Diagnosed in Childhood or Adolescence

Appendix B: National Organizations That Identify Therapists Specializing in the Treatment of Anxiety

Appendix C: Childrens Books That Model Healthy Cognitive Styles

Acknowledgments

How to Find Caseys Guide

About the Authors

L ets face it: We parents are great at worrying about our kids. How are they performing in school? Is she safe walking home from her friends house? Should I limit his video gaming?

And we are all so full of good advice, arent we? You had better start working on that paper before the weekend, because youve got that camping trip coming up. When kids are mean to you on the playground, you just have to ignore them and walk away. Five servings of fruits and vegetables a day. Lets put some color on that plate!

But what happens when our sons and daughters start to show more than the average amount of hesitation about normal activities, expressing a degree of fearfulness that seems exaggerated for the circumstance? Suddenly, your son is afraid of anything to do with fire, and nightmares frighten him so that he doesnt want to close his eyes in bed unless you stay with him until long after hes asleep. Perhaps he has become more and more clingy and rarely allows you to be away from him. Is he no longer willing to play on the soccer team or perform in the school band, despite loving these activities in the past? How about spending the night at a friends house? Has it become unthinkable?

Or maybe your daughter has slowly become reticent to go to school. It started out with her staying in bed past the alarm. Then stomachaches. Then more days when she felt too sick to go to school. And now, daily tantrums, fighting you every step of the way. Perhaps she was scared by an aggressive dog last year and still acts frightened every time she hears a dog bark. What loving, caring parent wouldnt become worried in the face of a childs anxious, avoidant behavior? So you offer your very best advice, logic, and encouragement, and nothing seems to help. Its not that you havent tried the following:

• You reassure your son about the precautions you take to prevent any fire and how easy it is to call 911 if the rare event were to occur.
• You bring your daughter to the pediatrician, who assures her more than once that shes well enough for school. You even implement consequences for stalling in the mornings.
• You ask your daughter to come with you for a visit with your neighbors dog, which doesnt have an aggressive bone in its body.
• You promise your teenage son that youll keep your cell phone on while youre gone, and that you will come right home if he needs you.