Williams - Life is not an accident : a memoir of reinvention

O n the day I almost died, I remember waking from an afternoon nap to the full glory of the sun hanging over the lake like the tip of a sparkler. The master bedroom in my place in Chicago had floor-to-ceiling windows and a wraparound deck with a patio that connected to the living room. You could turn left and see the skyscrapers. Turn to the right and there was Lake Michigan, looking as limitless as an ocean. It was one of three modern-inspired units on the 40th floor of the Park Hyatt on Michigan Avenue. I had been there just about a year, and every time I opened the front door, I would step into the foyer in shock at how my life had drastically changed. It was spectacular.

In places like Los Angeles or Miami, you take days like June 19, 2003, for granted. But in Chicago, where the winters are so cold, dark, and long that the locals call it Chiberia, days like these are treated like precious jewels. While standing in front of the window in my bedroom, I took a deep breath and gazed upon my new city of dreams. I reached out and pressed my hand against the window to feel the warmth of the light and thought to myself, Today is going to be an amazing day.

One of my dreams growing up was to have multiple homes. It just seemed like one of those things that symbolized real success. So during my rookie year with the Chicago Bulls, I rented a home in Deerfield near the teams practice facility, in addition to this sleek 2,300-square-foot luxury condo in the heart of downtown Chicago. Since my parents wouldnt let me touch my actual NBA salary, both places were covered by the money I had already made from endorsement deals. Looking back, this was one of the times when their control over me turned out to be for the best.

So many people look at what happened to me later that afternoon through the prism of a ruined NBA career, but thats not how I think about it today, or at least thats not the only way I think about it. The way I see it, its a reminder of how things can change in a flash. Theres a saying that a sense of immortality is a curse carried only by the young, but I disagree. We all do ittake the future for granted. Thats just human nature. Then one day you wake up in your perfect apartment on a perfect day, with your perfect job, leave for a meeting, and never see that perfect apartment again.

The day before, I had flown down to Durham, North Carolina, to talk to some students at a basketball camp at my alma mater, Duke. Afterwards, I played pickup ball with some of the Duke players while Chris Collins, who was still an assistant under Coach Mike Krzyzewski at the time, watched. This was my first time playing against J.J. Redick, who was one of the greatest players ever to play at Duke. J.J. and I were on separate teams in a pickup game, and I loved how as a freshman his ego was almost as big as mine. Almost. He was fiery and competitive and reminded me very much of myself. I picked one of my best friends, Graham, who had just finished a solid career at Appalachian State, to be on my teambut J.J. insisted on enforcing the unspoken rule that only Duke players have the right to play in the first game. J.J. was already on his way to taking Christian Laettners throne as the most disliked Duke player. I remember looking at him and saying, Are you fucking kidding me? I picked Graham and he is going to play on my team. Thats final. What had already slipped my mind, not even a year removed from playing college ball, was that at Duke, rules are rules. It was not only embarrassing to get overruled by a freshman leading the way, but even more so that it happened to be in front of 600 campers. Whether right or wrong, I felt disrespected on a court where I had accomplished way more than anyone there at the time. So I walked Graham over to the sideline and told him, Enjoy the show. I was angry, and I knew what was coming.

The game went to eleven baskets and I scored nine, all on J.J.

I had just finished my rookie season as a pro, and it was the most up-and-down year Id ever hadon and off the court. Our journey wrapped in April, since we didnt make the postseasonwe were 24 games out of playoff contentionand I immediately headed to the gym to work my ass off for the following season. I was determined to come back with a vengeance.

I hadnt realized how much I had improved, but Chris Collins saw it right away. Man, youve been working on your game, huh? Your game has gone to another level, he said. You are going to dominate the league next year if you keep playing like that.

The next morning, I got up to take a crack-of-dawn flight home to Chicago. When I got to my condo downtown, I threw my bags down, got undressed, and fell right into bed to take the first of two power naps that day. I wouldnt have bothered setting my alarm if I hadnt already committed to a workout at the Berto Center as well as a meeting with my marketing agent, Kevin Bradbury. Kevin had set up a brainstorming session for us with a tech guy about my new website later that afternoon. When the alarm went off, I forced myself out of bed. I always found an auxiliary source of energy when it came to basketball. With Coach Collinss comment that I was going to dominate the league ringing in my ears, I was excited to head straight to the gym.

The Berto Center was the Bulls practice facility then. The place was a pantheon for many of the legendary memories from the Jordan era. There, for about five years, the most famous player in the world wielded his trade in the hangar-like complex, exchanging elbows and trash talk with the likes of Scottie Pippen, Steve Kerr, and Dennis Rodman. The walls were covered with all kinds of championship bannersdivisional, conference, worldwhich served as a reminder of how far off the deep end the franchise had plummeted.

The workout that morning was with some of my teammates. As usual, Jamal Crawford and I went at it. Only this time, something felt different... in a good way. My legs werent heavy like theyd been the entire yearthe adjustment from playing 40 games in a college season to 82 as a pro had been gruesome. I left the workout thinking this was going to be my year. It was all starting to click.

I was running on fumes as I made the hour-long trip back to my place downtown. I finally got home, tossed the keys to the truck on the counter, stripped down, and crashed.

AS I WOKE up to that beautiful summer afternoon, I was even more drained than before. Within the past 24 hours, Id been in Durham playing ball, partied that night into the wee hours of the morning, caught the first flight back to OHare, a nap, a training session, another napand here we are.