Ray Bradbury - Well Always Have Paris: Stories

He fed the canaries and the geese and the dogs and the cats. Then he cranked up the rusty phonograph and sang to the hissing Tales from the Vienna Woods:

Life goes up, life goes down,
But please smile, do not sigh, do not frown!

Dancing, he heard the car stop before his little shop. He saw the man in the gray hat glance up and down the storefront and knew the man was reading the sign which in large, uneven blue letters declared THE MANGER. EVERYTHING FREE! LOVE AND CHARITY FOR ALL!

The man stepped halfway through the open door and stopped. Mr Massinello Pietro?

Pietro nodded vigorously, smiling. Come in. Do you want to arrest me? Do you want to throw me in jail?

The man read from his notes. Better known as Alfred Flonn? He eyed the silver bells on Pietros shirtsleeves.

Thats me! Pietros eye flashed.

The man was uncomfortable. He looked around a room crammed full of rustling birdcages and packing crates. Geese rushed in through the back door, stared at him angrily, and rushed back out. Four parrots blinked lazily on their high perches. Two Indian lovebirds cooed softly. Three dachshunds capered around Pietros feet, waiting for him to put down just one hand to pet them. On one shoulder he carried a banana-beaked mynah bird, on the other a zebra finch.

Sit down! sang Pietro. I was just having a little music; thats the way to start the day! He cranked the portable phonograph swiftly and reset the needle.

I know, I know. The man laughed, trying to be tolerant. My names Tiffany, from the D.A.s office. We got a lot of complaints. He waved around the cluttered shop. Public health. All these ducks, raccoons, white mice. Wrong zone, wrong neighborhood. Youll have to clean it up.

Six people have told me that. Pietro counted them proudly on his fingers. Two judges, three policemen, and the district attorney himself!

You were warned a month ago you had thirty days to stop this nuisance or go to jail, said Tiffany, over the music. Weve been patient.

I, said Pietro, have been the patient one. I have waited for the world to stop being silly. I have waited for it to stop wars. I have waited for politicians to be honest. I have waitedla la lafor real estate men to be good citizens. But while I wait, I dance! He demonstrated.

But look at this place! protested Tiffany.

Isnt it wonderful? Do you see my shrine for the Virgin Mary? Pietro pointed. And here, on the wall, a framed letter from the archbishops secretary himself, saying what good Ive done for the poor! Once, I was rich, I had property, a hotel. A man took it all away, my wife with it, oh, twenty years ago. Do you know what I did? I invested what little I had left in dogs, geese, mice, parrots, who do not change their minds, who are always friends forever and forever. I bought my phonograph, which never is sad, which never stops singing!

Thats another thing, said Tiffany, wincing. The neighborhood says at four in the morning, um, you and the phonograph

Music is better than soap and water!

Tiffany shut his eyes and recited the speech he knew so well. If you dont have these rabbits, the monkey, the parakeets, everything, out by sundown, its the Black Maria for you.

Mr Pietro nodded with each word, smiling, alert. What have I done? Have I murdered a man? Have I kicked a child? Have I stolen a watch? Have I foreclosed a mortgage? Have I bombed a city? Have I fired a gun? Have I told a lie? Have I cheated a customer? Have I turned from the Good Lord? Have I taken a bribe? Have I peddled dope? Do I sell innocent women?

No, of course not.

Tell me, then, what have I done? Point to it, lay a hand on it. My dogs, these are evil, eh? These birds, their song is dreadful, eh? My phonographI suppose thats bad, too, eh? All right, put me in jail, throw away the key. You will not separate us.

The music rose to a great crescendo. He sang along with it:

Tiffa-nee! Hear my plea!
Cant you smile; sit awhile, be my friend?

The dogs leaped about, barking.

Mr Tiffany drove away in his car.

Pietro felt a pain in his chest. Still grinning, he stopped dancing. The geese rushed in and pecked gently at his shoes as he stood, bent down, holding his chest.

At lunchtime, Pietro opened a quart of homemade Hungarian goulash and refreshed himself. He paused and touched his chest, but the familiar pain had vanished. Finishing his meal, he went to gaze over the high wooden fence in the backyard.

There she was! There was Mrs Gutierrez, very fat, and as loud as a jukebox, talking to her neighbors on the other side of the lot.

Lovely lady! called Mr Massinello Pietro. Tonight I go to jail! Your war is fought and won. I give you my saber, my heart, my soul!

Mrs Gutierrez came ponderously across the dirt yard. What? she said, as if she couldnt see or hear him.

You told the police, the police told me, and I laughed! His hand flirted on the air, two fingers wiggling. I hope you will be happy!

I didnt call no police! she said indignantly.

Ah, Mrs Gutierrez, I will write a song for you!

All of them other people mustve called in, she insisted.

And when I leave today for jail, Ill have a present for you. He bowed.

I tell you it wasnt me! she cried. You and your mealy mouth!

I compliment you, he said sincerely. You are a civic-minded citizen. All filth, all noise, all odd things must go.

You, you! she shouted. Oh, you! She had no more words.

I dance for you! he sang, and waltzed into the house.

In the late afternoon he put on his red silk bandanna and the huge gold earrings and the red sash and the blue vest with the golden piping. He put on his buckle shoes and tight knee breeches. Come along! One last walk, eh? he told his dogs, and out of the shop they went, Pietro carrying the portable phonograph under his arm, wincing with the weight of it, for his stomach and body had been sick for some time and there was something wrong; he couldnt lift things very easily. The dogs padded on either side of him, the parakeets shrieked wildly on his shoulder. The sun was low, the air cool and settled. He looked at everything as if it was new. He said good evening to everyone, he waved, he saluted.