Arthur C. Clarke - 3001 The Final Odyssey

There were mice in my bedroom last night, Poole complained, only half seriously. Is there any chance you could find me a cat?

Dr Wallace looked puzzled, then started to laugh.

You must have heard one of the cleaning microts - Ill get the programming checked so they dont disturb you. Try not to step on one if you catch it at work; if you do, it will call for help, and all its friends will come to pick up the pieces.

So much to learn - so little time! No, that wasnt true, Poole reminded himself. He might well have a century ahead of him, thanks to the medical science of this age. The thought was already beginning to fill him with apprehension rather than pleasure.

At least he was now able to follow most conversations easily, and had learned to pronounce words so that Indra was not the only person who could understand him. He was very glad that Anglish was now the world language, though French, Russian and Mandarin still flourished.

Ive another problem, Indra - and I guess youre the only person who can help. When I say God, why do people look embarrassed?

Indra did not look at all embarrassed; in fact, she laughed.

Thats a very complicated story. I wish my old friend Dr Khan was here to explain it to you - but hes on Ganymede, curing any remaining True Believers he can find there. When all the old religions were discredited - let me tell you about Pope Pius XX sometime - one of the greatest men in history! - we still needed a word for the Prime Cause, or the Creator of the Universe - if there is one

There were lots of suggestions - Deo - Theo - Jove - Brahma - they were all tried, and some of them are still around - especially Einsteins favourite, The Old One. But Deus seems to be the fashion nowadays.

Ill try to remember; but it still seems silly to me.

Youll get used to it: Ill teach you some other reasonably polite expletives, to use when you want to express your feelings

You said that all the old religions have been discredited. So what do people believe nowadays?

As little as possible. Were all either Deists or Theists.

Youve lost me. Definitions, please.

They were slightly different in your time, but here are the latest versions. Theists believe theres not more than one God; Deists that there is not less than one God.

Im afraid the distinctions too subtle for me.

Not for everyone; youd be amazed at the bitter controversies its aroused. Five centuries ago, someone used whats known as surreal mathematics to prove theres an infinite number of grades between Theists and Deists. Of course, like most dabblers with infinity, he went insane. By the way, the best-known Deists were Americans - Washington, Franklin, Jefferson.

A little before my time - though youd be surprised how many people dont realize it.

Now Ive some good news. Joe - Prof. Anderson - has finally given his - what was the phrase? - OK. Youre fit enough to go for a little trip upstairs to the Lunar Level.

Wonderful. How far is that?

Oh, about twelve thousand kilometres.

Twelve thousand! That will take hours!

Indra looked surprised at his remark: then she smiled.

Not as long as you think. No - we dont have a Star Trek Transporter yet - though I believe theyre still working on it! But youll need new clothes, and someone to show you how to wear them. And to help you with the hundreds of little everyday jobs that can waste so much time. So weve taken the liberty of arranging a human personal assistant for you Come in, Danil.

Danil was a small, light-brown man in his mid-thirties, who surprised Poole by not giving him the usual palm-top salute, with its automatic exchange of information.

Indeed, it soon appeared that Danil did not possess an Ident: whenever it was needed, he produced a small rectangle of plastic that apparently served the same purpose as the twenty-first centurys smart cards.

Danil will also be your guide and what was that word? - I can never remember - rhymes with ballet. Hes been specially trained for the job. Im sure youll find him completely satisfactory.

Though Poole appreciated this gesture, it made him feel a little uncomfortable. A valet, indeed! He could not recall ever meeting one; in his time, they were already a rare and endangered species. He began to feel like a character from an early-twentieth-century English novel.