Juan Pablo Villalobos - The Other Side: Stories of Central American Teen Refugees Who Dream of Crossing the Border

You cant really tell what time it is when youre in the freezer. Not even if its day or night. The freezer is the cell they put you in after Immigration catches you. They call it the freezer because its a really cold room, and the only thing they give you to put over yourself is a kind of metal blanket. Its so cold Im getting a cramp in my leg, although the cramp is probably from standing up the whole time. When they shut me in here, there was no more space to sit, or to lie down and sleep, because all the girls were sleeping on the floor and there wasnt any room left.

Psst, hey: Dont fall over, one of the girls says.

What? I ask, because I didnt understand what she meant and because I didnt see which girl said it.

There are a lot of people in this cell, maybe sixty or eighty, all girls around my age, or even younger. There are some really little girls here, too. I was in another freezer before. There, we were all mixed in together, boys and girls, and there wasnt any space to sit down or lie down there, either, because it was so full.

You closed your eyes and youre about to fall asleep standing up, the girl lying at my feet says.

I rub my eyes to stop myself feeling so drowsy and, as the girl sits up, quickly stretch my legs to try and get rid of the cramp.

Sit down, she tells me.

I obey before she has second thoughts. When I sit down my back hurts, but at least I can rest my legs. I sit in front of the girl, dark-skinned like me, her hair all tangled and dirty because we cant have showers here, or even a wash. She must be the same age as me, or fifteen at most, anyway.

I woke up because I was hungry, she says. Arent you hungry?

I tell her Im not, that when Im scared I lose my appetite. Now I realize that in all these days, since I left my grandparents house, Ive hardly eaten anything. There were a few days when I dont think I ate anything at all, when we were on the bus and we didnt even stop to eat. Then I got sick in the house where we were waiting to cross the border. I got an upset stomach from eating all that Mexican food.

Do you think theyll bring the food soon? the girl asks me.

I tell her I dont know, that they only brought me in here a few hours ago and they havent brought any food since then.

Did they only just catch you? she says.

No, I say. They caught me two days ago, but they sent me somewhere else first.

What did they give you to eat there? she asks.

A carton of milk and an apple, I say.

Thats it?

Thats it, I tell her. Once in the morning, once at lunch, and the same thing at dinner. Thats all they gave us.

Here they give you a sandwich, she says. And some juice. How old are you?

Fourteen, I say.

Me too, she says.

I can tell by the way she speaks that shes from El Salvador like me, although I guess shes from the capital.

My names Kimberly, I tell her.

Where are you from? she asks.

Ahuachapn, I tell her. What about you?

Why dont you lie down? she says. If you like, Ill stand up for a bit so you can have a rest. But youll have to let me lie back down.

She stands up and motions at me to lie on the floor. So I do.

Hey, you: Its my turn now.

I open my eyes and see the ceiling of the freezer. The girl is bending over me, shaking my shoulders. I sit up and she settles down at my side.

What did you say you were called? she asks. Sorry, Im so hungry I forget stuff.

Kimberly, I say, but people call me Kim. You can call me Kim if you like. Did I sleep for long? I ask.

I dont know, she says. Its impossible to tell the time in here, but it felt like ages to me because my feet are hurting now.

We both fall silent and I try to stir myself so that I can stand. I yawn and my head spins, as if I cant get enough air. Im so tired I can hardly tell when Im awake and when Im asleep. The first night, in the other freezer, I didnt sleep at all, then later on I did; Id fall asleep in fits and starts.

The other freezer where I was before was worse, I say, playing for time. If we start chatting then maybe I can stay sitting down a while longer. The place started to look like a garbage dump because people would just drop their apple cores on the floor and it never got cleaned. And they would drop their milk cartons, too. And I was ill, I had the flu really bad. I was in there for two days, and then they started listing the people they were going to move to the other freezer. They called my name and they put us on a bus and brought us here.

Do you think theyre going to send us back? she asks me.

Where to? I say.

I mean, are they going to deport us? she says.

I dont know, I say. But I dont tell her that I spent the first night crying, that I really wanted to go back to El Salvador. I was thinking about my grandparents. I didnt tell her that if they asked me to sign the deportation papers Id say yes. Ever since I crossed the river, I couldnt stop crying and crying and feeling really sad. And I kept thinking: