Casey Watson - Breaking the Silence

Contents

To my wonderful and supportive family

I would like to thank all of the team at HarperCollins, the lovely Andrew Lownie, and my friend and mentor, Lynne.

If you decide to make fostering your career, theres one rule you must be aware of. You should always expect the unexpected. I knew that anyway, of course, because Id been fostering for a few years now. And before that, Id worked for years in a similarly testing environment, running a unit for challenging teenagers in a large comprehensive school. And it was one of the aspects I most wanted to impress upon my daughter Riley, now that she and her partner David had decided to take the plunge, and had applied to become fostering-agency respite carers. She was excited, having received her application pack in the post that same morning, and was over at ours telling me all about it.

And how ironic it was that, the very same afternoon, shed have a chance to see the rule in action for herself. I still smile to myself thinking about it now.

It was one of those glorious afternoons in mid-June; an ordinary Thursday that had been transformed by the addition of some properly warm sunshine so much so that we not only managed to spend the afternoon in the garden, but even planned to have tea outside as well. It was also a precious few hours of rest for Riley, David having taken the afternoon off work to take my little grandsons to visit his mum. My husband Mike had just arrived home from work and was upstairs taking a shower, so the pair of us had gone inside to finish preparing a meal of roast chicken and salad, ready to take back outside as soon as he was done.

I think Ive seen enough, with you and Dads kids, to know what to expect, Riley laughed, in response to my warning. Probably more than enough. More than most have, Ill bet.

Which was true. Wed only just said goodbye to a gorgeous little girl, Abby, with whom it had been a pretty bumpy ride. Happily, however, shed left us in the best possible circumstances; shed been able to be reunited with her mum. Such a happy outcome was a circumstance that was unusual in our line of work, though, because my husband Mike and I didnt do mainstream fostering. We took in kids who had come from particularly difficult backgrounds and as a consequence displayed challenging behaviours. To deal with this, wed been trained in a specialist behaviour-management programme, with the hope that such behaviours the sad result of years of psychological damage could be minimised enough to help them live more settled and fulfilling lives, having hopefully, if not completely banished their demons, found ways to keep them under control.

But being reunited with happy families was mostly a dream for such children, sadly. Ours was very much last-chance-saloon fostering, the expectation being they could at best find permanent foster homes.

I know, I said to Riley. But seeing it is one thing, and living it is another. You need to go into it with your eyes open. Which is why I think its such a good idea to do respite fostering first.

Riley had been keen to press on and apply to be a full-time foster carer, and I still wasnt convinced she wouldnt go ahead. But it was important she lived the reality of it for a bit first which was why Id suggested she get some experience doing respite care first. It could take quite a toll on your emotions at times, and with Levi and Jackson still so small, not to mention David working such long hours trying to build his business, I didnt want her drowning under the pressure.

She grinned. So youve told me eight million times already, mother if you hadnt already noticed. Dont worry . She batted her lashes at me. See? Eyes very much open. Besides, once I do do it, Ill have you around to help me out, wont I? She chuckled. Ill have you on my speed dial. Rent-a-foster gran!

Cheeky mare! I retorted, though I was smiling too. I knew my daughter. And most importantly, I knew me . However much I had on my plate with my own foster kids and grand-kids, and my two adult children, I knew full well that what Riley said was absolutely spot on. Id be in the thick of it. I wouldnt be able to stop myself. They say knowing what youre good at is the secret of a happy life, and I did know. Had known the day I had signed on the dotted line with the fostering agency. I loved kids, loved being around them, loved nurturing them and teaching them, loved watching them grow. And once my own two had grown, I was the classic empty nester. Though my son Kieron had still been living at home with us till just over a year ago, once he was all grown up I was struck by this huge Is that it? feeling. How had the time passed so quickly? Oh, yes Id had a huge, kid-shaped hole in my life, and at the tender age of only erm forty-something was, by anyones yardstick, way too young to take up knitting and bowls. Oh, yes, rent-a-foster gran bring it on.

And Riley and David would make brilliant foster parents. I knew that too. Although they were still very young, both being only in their twenties, they had recognised there was something of a gap in the market. There were some younger carers but not very many, because, as Riley had pointed out, most people preferred to start their fostering career later in life, once their own children were getting older, or flying the nest. And this, particularly, was why she and David wanted to go into it. They felt that it should be encouraged as a career choice for young couples; with youth on their side, they had just so much energy.

Privately I had absolutely no doubts about them doing it. But that didnt mean they shouldnt have doubts; it was a big thing to take on, and not a career anyone should consider lightly.

So, what about you anyway? Riley asked me, as we finished off the salad and started piling everything up on to trays to take outside. Oi, Dad, keep your hands off that till I say so! she admonished Mike, whod now come downstairs, ravenous as usual. He was a big man six foot three and his job was physically demanding, and he didnt tend to eat much when he was at work. So it was a full-on job trying to stop him grabbing stuff before Id even begun to dish up. Right now he was trying to get his hands on a drumstick.

What, child-wise? I asked, as we set the plates down on the table.

Yes. Anything in the pipeline from John?

John Fulshaw was our fostering-agency link worker. He had been from day one, and we counted him very much as a friend now. But he was still a professional, and he cared about the welfare of his carers. He would generally insist we had a period of rest between each placement so we could recharge both our physical and emotional batteries. Not as yet, I said. But then its only been a couple of weeks since Abby left

I know, Riley answered. But I always get the impression that he gets them lined up in advance for you. That thats how it works.

Thats probably how it does work. Why wouldnt it? Theres always such demand, sadly. And yes, he probably does, I agreed.

He probably tries to, at any rate, Mike said, chuckling as he sat down. I thinks he worries that if he leaves me and Mum too long without one, well get too used to the peace and quiet and decide we dont want to do it any more.

As if! Riley chuckled.

Exactly , Mike said.

Actually, I said, sitting down, Ill probably call him next week if we dont hear from him before then. I turned to Riley. Dads got a weeks holiday hes got to use up, havent you, love? So it might be an idea to plan something sooner rather than later. Especially if the weathers looking like carrying on like this

And that that exact moment was when the doorbell rang.

My first thought was that it might be Kieron. Our youngest son often showed up unannounced for tea. I sometimes wondered if his sense of smell was superhuman, and that he could catch the scent of a chicken roasting from several miles away. Now 23, he lived with his quite long-term girlfriend, Lauren, at her parents home. They had a self-contained flat there, which gave them a measure of independence. But not so much independence that Id be fretting about him all the time. Kieron has Aspergers syndrome, which is a mild form of autism, and means hes a little different from most other people. He is very concrete in his thinking, and particularly averse to surprises. And very trusting he can see bad in no one.