Mikey Robins - Reprehensible

For Laura

It sometimes feels that we live our lives in a state of constant outrage. Our leaders might have feet of clay, but it seems those feet have stepped in something much more awful than clay. The news cycle appears to have the same attention span as a goldfish with a Red Bull addiction, and then everything is amplified through the viperous echo chamber of social media. By the time you switch off the telly or mobile device and angrily climb into bed you have actually forgotten what it was that made your blood boil over your morning coffee.

We are under a bombardment from all of our screens, all of the time, reminding us with one click just what a dreadful time we are living through.

But here is one tiny, comforting thought: weve always been appalling. Not all of us, not all the time, but appalling behaviour runs through our history right alongside great art, soul-stirring music and methods for preserving fish and we are really good at preserving fish.

Im not talking about the great and serious crimes against humanity that we deal with on a generational basis. This is a polite history of bad behaviour. Im interested in our more venal, ridiculous, sometimes far-reaching and often private and petty transgressions. Now I understand that polite is an extremely subjective word. Im guessing that my interpretation may not match up with some peoples idea of taste or propriety.

I can live with that.

Im not saying that there arent episodes in this book that some people will find raunchy, prurient or just downright filthy. And there are a few sad and tragic deaths, but my area of interest is the serial scoundrel as opposed to the serial murderer. I find fascinating the pompous and proud, the foibles of the powerful, the particular peccadilloes of some of our greatest leaders, thinkers and writers. And there are more randy royals than you can shake a sceptre at.

Sometimes its the ridiculous and reprehensible that give us a window into our perception of what is grand, beautiful and true. These castles in the sky are often built on the shifting sands of our folly. And thats often where all the fun stuff happens.

For those of you with delicate sensibilities, may I suggest you approach this book as you would a heated spa bath in a hotel youve never stayed in before. Maybe dip in and dip out until youre ready to settle in.

For readers with sterner stomachs, may I suggest that you use this book for another, dare I say, reprehensible purpose? As I said before, we do live in an age of constant outrage.

So, just for fun (and if youre of legal drinking age, of course), maybe this book could serve as a drinking game. Any time you come across any sort of reprehensible activity that reminds you of our more morally culpable world leaders (and one orange-tinted leader in particular), take a sip of your favourite tipple.

Just dont say I didnt warn you.

When I was a high school history student studying the American Revolutionary War, my favourite of the Founding Fathers was always Benjamin Franklin. To me, he epitomised all that was outstanding in a person close to the many levers of power. He was a true man of power.

Franklin had an enlightened and inquisitive mind, a warm and charming commonality (as could be witnessed in the annual Poor Richards Almanack which Franklin published from 1732 to 1785), as well as being a beacon for democracy and personal liberty. All of this seemed to emanate from the portraits of his cherubic face a face framed by the bifocal spectacles that wed been told hed actually invented himself.

Or, as one of his many biographers, Albert Henry Smyth, wrote in 1907, It is no use blinking the fact that Franklins animal instincts and passions were strong and rank, that they led him to the commission of deplorable errata in his life, and that the taint of irredeemable vulgarity is upon much of this man.

Albert Henry is obviously being quite judgemental here. Lets face it, any use of the word taint is often wrapped up with finger-wagging of one kind or other. But, sadly, the truth remains: Franklin was not the benign, avuncular figure I had imagined him to be when I was a lad.

Chances are he fathered quite a few illegitimate children, including a son, William, whom he conceived with his maid Deborah. (William was raised as a Franklin and eventually became governor of New Jersey.) Thomas A. Foster, the historian and author of Sex and the Founding Fathers: The American Quest for a Relatable Past, puts the number of illegitimate children at fifteen, and in these matters Im always willing to err on the side of the larger number.

Franklin, during his time in London, was associated with Francis Dashwood, a most reprehensible rake and founder of the infamous Hellfire Club. Whether or not Franklin actually partook of the orgiastic indulgences of the club is up for debate, but what is better known is that Franklin did have a wide and extensive knowledge of the brothels of London, and Paris, and his hometown of Philadelphia

Even when he was in his seventies and living in Paris he was still conducting trysts like a man of considerably more youthful vigour and, dare I say, judgement.

I know that duplicity between the public persona and the private person is one of the traits of those who seek and then wield power. But in Franklins case its just so wantonly observable. As another biographer, Carl Van Doren, wrote, In his morning litany he could pray to be kept from lasciviousness, but when night came lust might come with it. He went to women hungrily, secretly and briefly.

Indeed, Franklin was a man of many passions, some beyond liberty and libertarianism. He is, after all, the only person in the world to be inducted into both the US Chess and the International Swimming halls of fame. And thats got to count for something.

No matter how flawed these people of power are, it is a simple fact that ever since weve been gathering together in communities weve needed leaders to help us save ourselves from ourselves.

During my research I came across The Problem with Power, also known as episode 110 of He-Man and the Masters of theUniverse, where Man-at-Arms aka Duncan speaks these wise words:

I want to talk to you today about safety. Accidents dont just happen to other people. They can happen to you too. But you can do some things to help prevent accidents from happening. Using a safety belt when riding in a car can save your life and prevent you from being seriously hurt. Now I know youve been told never to play with matches, because if you do you are playing with fire. And fire can burn your toys, your home, your family, you. So use your common sense and think about what youre doing; its better to be safe than sorry.

Well said, Duncan, and thats exactly what our lawmakers and those we put in power are simply doing for us, right? Saving us from not wearing our seat belts or playing with matches. The laws they make are surely just an example of common sense? I wish that were the case, Duncan. If only some of the learned and powerful had spent less time in class and more time watching