Elliott - Laugh-Out-Loud Christmas Jokes for Kids

T o my mother, Maribeth, and my dad, Robert (19372012): You gave me a deep love for the holidays and taught me the true meaning of Christmas. With all my heart, Rob ContentsQ: What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament? A: Quit hanging around. Q: What do snowmen eat for lunch? A: Brrrr-itos Q: Where does Santa keep his money? A: In a snowbank Q: What is a Christmas trees least favorite month of the year? A: Sep-timber Q: What do you get when you mix a dog with a snowflake? A: Frostbite Q: Why did Santa feel bad about himself? A: Because he had low elf-esteem. Q: Why dont lobsters give Christmas presents? A: Because theyre shellfish. Q: What do you call a cat who gives you presents? A: Santa Paws Q: What did Frosty wear to the wedding? A: His snowsuit Q: What is Jack Frosts favorite movie? A: The Blizzard of OzKnock, knock. Whos there? Peas. Peas who? Peas tell me what youre giving me for Christmas!Knock, knock. Whos there? Norway. Norway who? There is Norway Im kissing anybody under the mistletoe!Q: What is the coldest month of the year? A: Decemb-rrrrr Q: What is a tigers favorite Christmas song? A: Jungle Bells Q: Why was Santa dressed up? A: Because he was going to the snowball. Q: Why do snowmen always change their minds? A: Because theyre flaky! Q: Where do elves go to vote? A: The North Poll Q: Where does the Easter Bunny get his eggs at Christmastime? A: From the three French hens Q: What does Santa give Rudolph when he has bad breath? A: Orna-mints Q: What do snowmen wear on their feet? A: Snowshoes Knock, knock. Whos there? Freeze. Freeze who? Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.Q: Who brings Christmas presents to a shark? A: Santa Jaws Q: Whats a polar bears favorite cereal? A: Ice Krispies Knock, knock. Whos there? Hugo. Hugo who? Hugo sit on Santas lap first, then Ill go second.Knock, knock. Whos there? Dubai. Dubai who? Im off Dubai some Christmas presents for you!Knock, knock. Whos there? Butter. Butter who? You butter watch out.

You butter not cry. You butter not pout Im telling you why....Knock, knock. Whos there? Elf. Elf who? Elf finish wrapping the presents right away!Q: What always falls at Christmas but never gets hurt? A: Snow! Santa: Elf, I have something to tell you.Elf: Im all ears. Q: Why does Rudolphs nose shine at night? A: Because hes a light sleeper. Q: What did the gingerbread man do when he sprained his ankle? A: He iced it. Q: What do elves post on Facebook? A: Elf-ies Q: What do gingerbread men do before they go to bed? A: Change their cookie sheets Q: How do frogs celebrate Christmas? A: They kiss under the mistle-toad. Q: What is a sheeps favorite Christmas song? A: Fleece Navidad Knock, knock. Whos there? Canoe. Canoe who? Canoe help me put up the Christmas tree?Knock, knock. Whos there? Wooden shoe. Wooden shoe who? Wooden shoe like to know what youre getting for Christmas?Knock, knock. Whos there? Waldo. Waldo who? Waldo we do to celebrate New Years Eve?Q: Why do elves go to school? A: To learn the elf-abet Q: Why cant a Christmas tree learn to knit? A: Because they always drop their needles. Q: Why doesnt Santa let the elves use his computer? A: They always delete the Christmas cookies. Q: What is Santas favorite kind of sandwich? A: Peanut butter and jolly Q: What is a penguins favorite kind of cereal? A: Frosted Flakes Q: Where do Santas reindeer stop for coffee? A: Star-bucks Knock, knock. Whos there? Myrrh. Myrrh who? Myrrh Christmas and a Happy New Year!Knock, knock. Whos there? Udder. Udder who? Udder the tree youll find your present!Q: What do fish sing at Christmastime? A: Christmas corals Q: What do ducks like to eat at Christmas parties? A: Cheese and quackers Knock, knock. Whos there? Ya. Ya who? Wow, ya really excited about Christmas!Knock, knock. Whos there? Iva. Iva who? Iva bunch of decorations to put on the tree.Knock, knock. Whos there? Avenue. Avenue who? Avenue started your Christmas shopping yet?Knock, knock. Whos there? Cannoli. Cannoli who? I cannoli eat one more Christmas cookie!Q: Why did Santa pay top dollar for a box of candy canes? A: Because they were in MINT condition! Q: What goes ho, ho, ho, thump? A: Santa laughing his head off! Q: What do you call a snowman who vacations in Florida? A: A puddle Knock, knock. Whos there? Snow. Snow who? I snow what Santas bringing you for Christmas.Knock, knock. Whos there? Snowman. Snowman who? Snowman has ever seen Santas workshop at the North Pole.Q: What do you get when you cross a pinecone and a polar bear? A: A fur tree Q: Why did the math teacher get sick after Christmas dinner? A: He had too much pi. Q: What is an elfs favorite part of school? A: Snow-and-tell Q: What do you get when you combine a Christmas tree and an iPod? A: A pineapple Knock, knock. Whos there? Whale. Whale who? Whale, I cant believe the holidays are almost here!Q: What does an elf listen to on the radio? A: Wrap music Q: Why doesnt Santa hide presents in the closet? A: He has Claus-trophobia. Knock, knock. Whos there? Dexter. Dexter who? Dexter halls with boughs of holly!Q: How do snowmen spend their Christmas vacations? A: Chilling out Knock, knock. Whos there? Arthur. Arthur who? Arthur any more Christmas presents to open?Q: What does Santa give his reindeer for a stomachache? A: Elk-a-Seltzer Q: What do gingerbread men use when they break their legs? A: Candy canes Q: What is green, white, and red all over? A: An elf with sunburn Q: Why didnt the rope get any presents? A: Because it was knotty.