Keaton Patti - I Forced a Bot to Write This Book

I forced a bot to input 1,000 hours of various forms of content and then asked it to create its own version of that content . Here is what it created . TELEVISION
SCRIPTS Television (television) noun : Box with screen that shouts images into your eyes. It channels news and entertainment for you in return for electricity food. It works remotely. Ex.

The television was invented into existence by someone who wanted a television . THE OFFICE INT. DUNDER MIFFLIN ORIFICE MICHAEL, the Regional Man, talks to workers. Michael is not overly smart, but he is overly Michael. Its very Scranton. MICHAEL We sell paper.

Paper is the hair of tree. I just talked to the trees. They said they wont give us more hair. This is bad. We sell paper. DWIGHT stands up.

He is dressed like a sword. DWIGHT I have killed the trees before. Again I shall kill them. Solved. We zoom in on JIM. Jim has a face.

MICHAEL Invalid! Dwight, stop being Dwight. Dwight remains being Dwight. CREED, the intern of oldness, raises his hand. STANLEY sighs. KEVIN chilis about. CREED In 1977 I was a tree.

You wont win this. Lets all just steal mops. TOBY walks into room, handing out stacks of depression. TOBY My email said this meeting was decapitated. But here it is, full of caps. Why lie to the Toby? PAM, the lady Jim, paints Toby out of existence.

The workers cheer and Michael promotes Pam. She is now PHYLLIS. MICHAEL I declare, we sell paper! Dwight is now a tree. He has done this through farming. TREE DWIGHT I am a hard noble oak. Have all my peoples hair, sensei.

Dwight hands Michael a Jell-O full of paper. CUT TO: INT. CONFESSING ROOM Michael is all alone with his best friend, the camera. MICHAEL That is what she had previously said. She being a woman of sex. Creed is in the window stealing hundreds of mops.

BOB ROSS INT. PAINTING STUDIO BOB ROSS stands in front of a blank canvas that doesnt know how lucky it is. Bob smiles. His teeth arent hiding today. BOB ROSS Today we will paint a mountain that owes us nothing. Bob picks up his painting weapons.

BOB ROSS (CONTD) I will be using three colors. Baby blue, hot pink, and hot baby. Bob mixes the colors together. They will never be alone again. BOB ROSS (CONTD) Painting was invented by a tiny bird that wanted to be rich. Mountain. Mountain.

Bob paints a mountain, the one from nature. BOB ROSS (CONTD) Its not all about you, mountain. Bob paints a cloud. BOB ROSS (CONTD) I went to school with that cloud. Bob paints a forest. BOB ROSS (CONTD) These trees are up to something, but I wont tell the police.

Now, what more does this painting need? Bob stares into the camera. Paint leaks out of him. BOB ROSS ( CONTD) Thats right. It needs you. Bob paints you on top of the mountain. You are at peace.

BOB ROSS (CONTD) If you need help, ask the cloud. The cloud wont help you. FRIENDS INT. CENTRAL PORK The FRIENDS sit. Coffee makes them exist. They are dressed like 1997.

It is 1999. The numbers are different. FRIEND ROSS I made sex with a dinosaur. What can I do? Its my student. FRIEND MONOCLE Brother Friend Ross, you have upset us. It is wrong to teach.

Friend JOEY eats a magazine that PHOEBE was dating. FRIEND PHOEBE Now Im single. I was double. FRIEND CHANDELIER Single double? You are baseball? I highly doubt it. I am Chandelier. The laughs are issued out.

Friend RACHEL is a haircut. FRIEND JOEY I am auditioning to be Urkel s car. Friend Joey stands and acts like a crab. Friend Joey thinks crabs equal cars since he is the Friend that hates his brain. FRIEND CHANDELIER (in catchphrase language) Could that be more any? The laughs are issued out. More than before due to inflation.

FRIEND ROSS Oh, no. My student found me. Help! A DINOSAUR enters the shop. This happened much in 1999. FRIEND JOEY Me, the car machine, will help. Friend Joey walks up to the dinosaur, pretends it is a People magazine, and eats it like a People magazine.

No laughs are issued out. This is sad. Dinosaur was shows best character. FRIEND CHANDELIER You are a fool. We must now all go to the fountain to die. DR. PHIL INT. DR. DR.

PHILADELPHIA SET We see DR. PHIL. He is too Southern and too Phil. DR. PHIL Today we have a young girl that is so bad her dad is dead. Her mom sent us this mom video.

A mom video plays. We see the childs owner, the MOM. MOM My daughter vapes beer and has sex with rap music. Shes in love with a gun. Help me, Dr. Film.

The mom video ends. Dr. Phil mustaches for nine seconds. DR. PHIL I am the lover of moms. Dr.

Filth will help. Bring her to me. The video mom walks on stage. The crowd breathes. The mom sits in a chair. Dr.

Phil sits on the mom. DR. PHIL ( CONTD) Mom, where is your mustache? The crowd cheers. They all have several mustaches. MOM My daughter steals dolphins. DR.

PHIL Not allowed. Bring her out! The BAD GIRL comes on stage. She isnt reading the Bible at all. She is mean to the chair and wont sit on it. The crowd cheers at this. DR. DR.

PHIL (CONTD) Apologize to the mom. BAD GIRL My only homework is drugs. The crowd boos and yells. They love genuine homework. DR. PHIL Empty your girl pockets, bad one.

The bad girl empties her pockets. They are full of ISIS. SHARK TANK INT. SHARK An ENTREPRENEUR entrepreneurs in front of the SHARKS. ENTREPRENEUR I invented the sleeping bag for when you arent sleeping. It is the Awaking Bag.

Free for $5,000. The entrepreneur points at a bag. Its a bag. SHARK #1 stands up, furious at the poor. SHARK #1 Prove it, entreprenruernreur! The entrepreneur stands in the bag. It works. It works.

SHARK #2 jumps up with a mouthful of silver dollars. SHARK #2 Give me bag equity or kill me right now in front of the TV people! ENTREPRENEUR The bag comes in flive colors. We see the different colors: red, blue, bag, Kentucky, and color number flive. None of the colors are different. SHARK CUBAN arises. He is soaking wet with money juice.

SHARK CUBAN I will inhabit the bag. The other sharks gasp. Shark Cuban never inhabits the bag. The entrepreneur hands the bag to Shark Cuban. He stands inside the bag. He asleeps.

The bag does not work. The other sharks gasp. Shark Cuban never asleeps. God is gone. ENTREPRENEUR Oh no. My Awaking Bag sucks.

The product police arrest the entrepreneur for his illegal life. Shark Cuban wakes up and looks at the screen. SHARK CUBAN America, I will give $5 million to whoever invents a sexy blimp. He means it, Armenia. GAME OF THRONES EXT. Its cold. Its cold.

It is Jon snowing. A raven makes a kings landing. JON SNOW The bird that is mail! I know nothing but this is our mail. Jon takes the birds letter, but it is no letter. It is TYRION LANNISTER, the half-man, half-nothing else. TYRION LANNISTER I am not a letter, but I have a message.

My sister is very insane. JON SNOW I have sisters. Arya. Sauna. Bran. I know nothing but I have sisters.

Having sisters bonds Jon and Tyrion forever. They stare north until a dragon comes carrying DAENERYS, the dragons mom. DAENERYS I have many long names so I deserve to lead on the sharp sword chair. TYRION LANNISTER Sisters. How many do you have? DAENERYS I possess zero. I obsess dragons.

TYRION LANNISTER Jon. She is not like us. Kill her. Nothing happens since Jon Snow is dead. A long battle occurs with horses and houses and hodors. Jon Snow is alive again.

TYRION LANNISTER (CONTD) Jon. You died of unknown lineage! JON SNOW I do not know that, Tiny Canister. I am not a ghost but I own a Ghost. White walkers walk whitely into fight. Everybody wants the throne. There are no other chairs in this fantastic land.