Franz Kafka - The Meowmorphosis (Quirk Classics)

PRIDE AND PREJUDICE AND ZOMBIES
BY J ANE A USTEN AND S ETH G RAHAME -S MITH

Jane Austen isnt for everyone. Neither are zombies. But combine the two and the only question is, Why didnt anyone think of this before? The judicious addition of flesh-eating undead to this otherwise faithful reworking is just what Austens gem needed.Wired

SENSE AND SENSIBILITY AND SEA MONSTERS
BY J ANE A USTEN AND B EN H. W INTERS

The effect is strangely entertaining, like a Weird Al version of an opera aria, and Eugene Smiths amusing illustrations add an extra touch of bizarre hilarity.Library Journal

Its a monsterpiece.Real Simple

ANDROID KARENINA
BY L EO T OLSTOY AND B EN H. W INTERS

Android Karenina lives up to its promise to make Tolstoy awesomer The A.V. Club

Winters does a spectacular job, adding robots and mechanical terrorism to the misery, adultery, and philosophical introspection of Tolstoys masterpiece.Library Journal

This is quite possibly the definitive mash-up novel. If anything, the sci-fi elements add to the books feelings of isolation and humanity.Den of Geek

Copyright 2011 Quirk Productions, Inc.

All rights reserved. No part of this book, except the Appendix, may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher.

The Appendix is copyright 2011 by Quirk Productions, Inc., and released under the terms of a Creative Commons U.S. Attribution-ShareAlike license (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/) as a remixed work based on the Wikipedia entry on Franz Kafka. Some rights reserved.

Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Number: 2011921159

eISBN: 978-1-59474-512-6

Cover design by Doogie Horner
Cover photo courtesy the Bridgeman Art Library International Ltd.
Illustrations by Matthew Richardson
Production management by John J. McGurk

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v3.1

One morning, as Gregor Samsa was waking up from anxious dreams, he discovered that he had been changed into an adorable kitten. He lay in bed on his soft, fuzzy back and saw, as he lifted his head a little, his brown arched abdomen divided into striped bowlike sections. His blanket, just about ready to slide off completely, could hardly stay in place as he rolled from side to side. His legstoo many!pitifully thin compared to the rest of his rotund circumference, pawed helplessly before his eyes.

Whats happened to me? he thought. It was no dream. His rooma proper room for a human being, only a bit too smalllay quietly between the four well-known walls. On the wall above the table, upon which was spread an unpacked collection of sample cloth goodsSamsa was a traveling salesmanhung the picture that he had cut out of an illustrated magazine a little while ago and set in a pretty gilt frame. It was a picture of a woman in a fur hat and a fur boa. She sat erect there, lifting in the direction of the viewer a solid fur muff into which her entire forearm had disappeared. Samsa felt a powerful urge to leap upon the sample cloths and scratch at them thoroughly, but as soon as it had come, it passed.

Gregors glance then turned to the window. The dreary weatherthe raindrops were falling audibly on the metal window ledgemade him quite melancholy. Why dont I keep sleeping for a little while longer and forget all this foolishness, he thought. But this proved quite impractical, for he was used to sleeping on his back, and in his present state he couldnt get comfortable in this position. No matter how hard he threw himself onto his back, he always rolled again onto his furry side, or his belly, his haunches settling last onto his old bed. He must have tried it a hundred times, closing his eyes so he would not have to see the waggling paws, and gave up only when he began to feel a light, dull pain in his side that he had never felt before.

O God, he thought, yawning and stretching his front paws. What a relentless job Ive chosen! Day in, day out, always on the road. The stress of sales is much harder than the work going on at the head office, and on top of that I have to cope with the problems of traveling: the worries about train connections, the irregular and bad food, the never-ending stream of new people with whom you never get to make a real connection. To hell with it all! He felt a slight itching on the top of his back, between his shoulders. He slowly wriggled closer to the bedpost so that he could lift his head more easily, found the itchy part, which was entirely covered with small white spotshe did not know what to make of them and wanted to feel the place with a claw. But he retracted it immediately, for the contact felt like a cold shower all over him.

WHATS HAPPENED TO ME? HE THOUGHT. IT WAS NO DREAM.

He slid back again into his previous position. This getting up early, he thought, for his thoughts were already becoming quite feline, makes a man stupid. A man must have his sleep. Other traveling salesmen live like harem women. For instance, when I go back to my inn during the course of a morning to write up the sales invoices, the other gentlemen are just sitting down to breakfast. If I were to try that with my boss, Id be fired on the spot. Stillwho knows whether that mightnt be good for me, really? If I werent keeping this job for my parents sake, Id have quit ages ago. I wouldve gone to the boss and told him just what I think from the bottom of my heart. He wouldve fallen right off his desk! And how bizarre it is, anyway, for him to sit up at that desk and talk down to the employees from way up there, particularly since the chief has trouble hearing, so we have to step up quite close to him. Anyway, I havent completely given up that hope yet. Once Ive made enough money to pay off my parents debt to himthat should take another five or six yearsIll do it for sure. Then Ill make my big break. In any case, right now I have to get up. My train leaves at five oclock.

He looked over at the alarm clock ticking away by the chest of drawers. Good God! he thought. It was half past six, and the hands were ticking quietly on; in fact, it was past the half hour, already nearly quarter to. Could the alarm have failed to ring? No, he saw from the bed that it was properly set for four oclock; certainly it had rung. Yes, but how could he have slept through that noise, which made the furniture shake? Now, its true hed not slept quietly, but evidently hed slept all the more deeply. Still, what should he do now? The next train left at seven oclock. To catch that one, he would have to go in a mad rush. The sample collection wasnt packed up yet, and he really didnt feel particularly energetic. And even if he caught the train, there was no avoiding a blowup with the chief, because the firms errand boythe bosss minion, really, lacking any backbone or intelligencewouldve waited for the five oclock train and long ago reported the news of his absence. Well then, what if he reported in sick? But that would be extremely embarrassing and suspicious, because during his five years service Gregor hadnt stayed home sick even once. The boss would certainly come with the doctor from the health insurance company, would reproach his parents for their lazy son and cut short all objections, echoing the insurance doctors avowed opinion that everyone was always healthy, just lazy about work. And would the doctor in this case be totally wrong? Apart from a really excessive drowsiness after the long sleep, Gregor in fact felt quite well and even had a very strong appetite.