Sawyer The Lawyer

SAWYER THE LAWYER

Edited and tweaked a bit from the Sawyer the Lawyer Blog

by

Terry Ravenscroft

Copyright 2014 Terry Ravenscroft

Cover artwork by Daniel Maney

A RAZZAMATAZZ PUBLICATION

The day after Terry Ravenscroft threw in his mundane factory job to become a television comedy scriptwriter he was involved in a car accident which left him unable to turn his head. Since then he has never looked back.

Before they took him away he wrote scripts for Les Dawson, The Two Ronnies, Morecambe and Wise, Alas Smith and Jones, Not the Nine OClock News, Ken Dodd, Roy Hudd, and several others. He also wrote the award-winning BBC radio series Star Terk Two.

Born in New Mills, Derbyshire, in 1938, he still lives there with his wife Delma and his mistress Divine Bottom (in his dreams).

Books by Terry Ravenscroft

AUTOBIOGRAPHY

STAIRLIFT TO HEAVEN

STAIRLIFT TO HEAVEN 2 - FURTHER UP THE STAIRLIFT

STAIRLIFT TO HEAVEN 3 - ALMOST THERE

STAIRLIFT TO HEAVEN 4 - STILL HANGING ON

NOVELS

CAPTAINS DAY

FOOTBALL CRAZY

ITS NOT CRICKET

JAMES BLOND - STOCKPORT IS TOO MUCH

IM IN HEAVEN

INFLATABLE HUGH

THE RING OF THE LORD

SERIAL KILLER

JERRYS

HUMOROUS CORRESPONDENCE

DEAR AIR 2000

DEAR COCA-COLA

DEAR PEPSI-COLA

SHORT STORIES AND OTHER BOOKS

LES DAWSONS CISSIE AND ADA

THE RAZZAMATAZZ FUN EBOOK

ZEPHYR ZODIAC

SAWYER THE LAWYER

CALL ME A TAXI

GOOD OLD GEORGE

DEAD MEN DONT WALK

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SAWYER THE LAWYER

FOREWORD

My father Tom Ravenscroft, long gone, much missed and about as daft as I am, had a sideline in addition to his day job: a comic act in which he took the part of a racehorse owner, in which guise he sold racing tips to the clientele of public houses at a shilling a time. His supporting cast included a trainer complete with bowler hat and leather waistcoat, a jockey, and two men in a horse. My mother, bless her, made the jockeys silks and the horse from material purloined from the local CPA printworks by the jockey and the back end of the horse, who both worked the night shift there. The pice de rsistance of the performance was my dad holding a pint glass under the horses midriff, at which point one of the men inside would pour a bottle of pale ale into it - it looked for all the world like the horse was having a pee in it - whereupon Dad would drink it with much enjoyment and smacking of lips, and maybe an appreciative belch or two.

To encourage a feeling of authenticity Dad dressed himself up in top hat and tails and went by the name of Prince Razz. (At the time there was a quite famous professional racing tipster called Prince Monolulu, whom some of the older readers of this book may just about remember.) Because of this my dad came to be known in ordinary life as Razz. When I grew up I had the same nickname bestowed on me, later extended with the addition of an a, as is the modern way with nicknames, making me Razza. It is a short step from Razza to Razzamatazz, and this was the original name I chose for my website, started some years ago.

On the electronic form you need to fill in when listing a book on Amazon Kindle there is a box for Name of Publisher. The first ebook I put on was self-published, and rather than put my own name as publisher I used the name Razzamatazz Publications, simply because it sounded more professional and thus might help me to sell more copies. As a result of this I have since, on several occasions, received emails from authors asking me if I thought that Razzamatazz Publications might be interested in publishing their books. I have always replied to these authors, thanking them for their interest, but telling them that Razzamatazz Publications only ever publishes my own books. Until, that is, I received the following email from Jonathan Sawyer.

Dear Mr Ravenscroft,

Some months ago I started a blog, which I called Sawyer the Lawyer. I was aware at the time that several successful blogs have been turned into best-selling paperbacks but to tell you the truth publishing my blog was the farthest thing from my mind - the only object of the exercise being to tell of my life as a lawyer in an amusing a way as possible, whilst at the same time occasionally shining a light on the shameless ways that law firms sometimes go about their lawful business.

Until I read your book Stairlift to Heaven, that is. At which point it dawned on me that the rather bizarre account of your life as an old age pensioner was no more bizarre than my life as a lawyer - especially just recently - and it occurred to me that my jottings might be worthy of the larger audience that publication of my blog in paperback form might bring with it.

Soon after reading Stairlift to Heaven I read its sequel, Stairlift to Heaven 2 - Further up the Stairlift, and it was whilst reading it that I realised to my great surprise that we have communicated before - in fact I am the man who wrote to you pointing out that my law firms charge for writing a letter was 70, the story of which you included in the Stairlift 2 book under the heading A LITTLE LEARNING. Small world.

Maybe it is an omen, or just a coincidence, but whatever it is I would really appreciate it if you could find time to have a look at my blog with a view to judging whether or not Razzamatazz Publications might be interested in publishing it?

Yours etc

Jonathan Sawyer.

Small world indeed. Although not all that small; it transpired that Jonathan and I only live six miles apart.

I have never been a great reader of blogs; although a few are excellent for every one thats worth reading there are at least ten that arent worth the candle. You have no doubt read the sort of thing - Got up, had breakfast, lightly boiled egg, toast, coffee, one sugar. I slice the top off my egg, unlike some people who sort of bash the top in with a spoon, ha ha ha. After breakfast I cleaned two pair of shoes, one brown one black, then tidied out my sock draw as it was getting in a bit of a mess. AS USUAL!!!

I mean, really. If you havent got a life why broadcast it? Far better to keep it to yourself.

Notwithstanding this, and although I was still not remotely interested in publishing someone elses work, there was something about Jonathan Sawyers email that intrigued me, and a couple of days later, with nothing better to do, I took a look at the Sawyer the Lawyer blog.

Several things struck me immediately. The first - and the reason the email captured my attention - was the style in which Jonathan wrote, often lapsing into the sort of old-fashioned, flowery, language I favour myself. Indeed a few of the posts might well have been written by me. I wondered if, through his reading of the Stairlift to Heaven books, I had influenced this? Just as likely a reason though is that Jonathan is a lawyer and the way in which lawyers talk and put pen to paper has always been more to the baroque style of the speech and writing spectrums than the plain.

The second thing to make an impression on me was how very amusing Jonathans writing was; the funny things that happen to him, as they often happen to me. The only difference is that whereas I often actively try to make funny things happen Jonathan, for the most part, doesnt seem to be able to help himself. In some ways he reminded me of myself when I was his age, before I settled down a bit. He even has prostate trouble!

The thing that most impressed me however, and what convinced me to help him if I could, was that he is even less politically correct than I am, which, as anyone who has read any of my stuff will know, is pretty politically incorrect. Also like me, I dont think he goes out of his way to be politically incorrect, it is just the way he is, just the way he sees things.

Jonathan is also very honest - not that he doesnt tell lies, he does, and admits to it When an advantage can be gained by this (but mostly when under pressure) as he puts it - but honest in the way an autobiographer has to be in his reporting of all the facts, even the ones which it may be embarrassing for him to report, at least if hes going to make a decent fist of the job.