Stella Gibney - It Will Get Better: The inspirational true story of one womans courage to overcome abuse, loss and heartache to create a better life

STELLA GIBNEY

Names have been changed to protect privacy.

Published by Allen & Unwin in 2014

Copyright Stella Gibney 2014

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publisher. The Australian Copyright Act 1968 (the Act) allows a maximum of one chapter or 10 per cent of this book, whichever is the greater, to be photocopied by any educational institution for its educational purposes provided that the educational institution (or body that administers it) has given a remuneration notice to Copyright Agency Limited (CAL) under the Act.

Every effort has been made to contact the copyright holders of material reproduced in this text. In cases where these efforts were unsuccessful, the copyright holders are asked to contact the publisher directly.

Allen & Unwin
Sydney, Melbourne, Auckland, London

83 Alexander Street
Crows Nest NSW 2065
Australia
Phone: (61 2) 8425 0100
Fax: (61 2) 9906 2218
Email: info@allenandunwin.com
Web: www.allenandunwin.com

Cataloguing-in-Publication details are available
from the National Library of Australia
trove.nla.gov.au

ISBN 978 1 74237 717 4

eISBN 978 1 74343 494 9

Typeset by Bookhouse, Sydney
Text design by Alissa Dinallo

This book is dedicated to my wonderful sons,
Josh, Jem and Corey.

CONTENTS

It was a warm sunny Saturday morning as I sat alongside my sister Stella outside our rented house overlooking the sea near Sydneys Whale Beach. Palm Beach, just up the road, was the place that Stella had called home for over fifteen years and we talked about how much she loved living near the ocean. I had only been a Sydney convert for a few years, having moved from Tasmania with my husband Richard and son Zac. We relocated to Sydney when I was offered the role of Julie Rafter in Packed to the Rafters and had been staying in the Eastern Suburbs when Stella suggested we look for a place on Sydneys Northern Beaches. We immediately saw why Stella loved the lifestyle and I understood why this was where Stella had decided to finally put down roots after a life spent moving from place to place. It also meant that we as sisters could spend more time togethersomething that had been missing for many years as we lived in different states and had very different lives. The great thing about our family is that no matter how long we spend apart we always come together as if the years have fallen away, picking up where we left off. It is this ability to live in the present that I think has made our journeys and our struggles a little easier to overcome. However, I have always been amazed at Stellas particular ability to see the positive in any situation, given that she endured a very difficult start to life.

We were discussing this that morning when I noticed that Stella seemed preoccupied. I asked her what was wrong and she said that she just felt a little sad. Both her boys were now grown and had moved into their own homes. She was in a job that although she enjoyed, she felt that there was something missing in her life. I remembered that she used to write in a journal whenever she felt sad and I asked her if she still did so. That in turn sparked a conversation that would lead to this book.

Stella wanted to leave a legacy of her life. I asked her where were all the journals she had kept over the years and she remarked that she still had them all.

Why dont you write a book then? People have often asked me to write my autobiography, but for me the timing hasnt been right. However, I knew that my sister had a story to be told and I wanted to encourage her to do so. I picked up the phone, called my agent and asked if she could put us in touch with a publisher. In turn the publisher asked for a few pages of Stellas writing. Stella wasnt even sure if she could do it. Writing a journal is one thing, but a book? Could her years of journalling be condensed and crafted into a story sharing the feelings in her heart, a story that would make people want to turn the pages? The only way to find out was to simply sit down and write. And she did. Page after page of my sisters story poured out of her. Our colourful and often dysfunctional childhood, the pain of being taken as a child, the sexual abuse, finding love and losing love, raising two boys single-handedly, starting her own business only to see that taken away, and having her faith tested so that one day she found herself staring at the very ocean she loved and wondering if thats where it all should end.

I know my sister Stella is worried that she may not be a writer and that people may not even read this book. She is concerned that her recollections may differ from those of the people she writes about. But, most importantly, she is worried that she may hurt people with her words. Thats my sister in a nutshell. She will always put other people first. For me, this book is my sisters legacy. It is an opportunity to tell her story in her own words. Of course there will be times when her recollections differ from the way other people remember things. Our memories do that to us. She has admitted that there are places where she has had to fill in the gaps. None of us can say we remember everything that happened in our lives with absolute clarity, and in some ways I think that is a gift.

And so here is my sisters story. I know that her one wish is to help even one person cope a little better by sharing her lifes experiences with them. If she can achieve that then her dream will have come true.

Stellas theory is if you have a notepad and a pen then you have a friend. By getting it out of your head and onto a page it is as if an invisible force is listening. Some people call this God. Others call it the witness: the still, quiet voice inside that is always there, understanding, and reminding you that you are never alone. I know I believe that. I also believe that we are all connected in some way and, by sharing our stories of love and loss, pain and joy, we can help each other through lifes wonderful journey.

My sister Stella is a magnificent human being whom I love dearly. I know that this book is the beginning of yet another wonderful season in her life.

Rebecca Gibney

I have experienced many painful events throughout my life, from abduction and childhood sexual abuse to teenage pregnancy, two failed marriages and bankruptcy. During it all I have found healing and forgiveness through my faith in God and through expressing myself via my notepad and pen, which became my closest companions.

I began journalling when I was in my early twenties. It was my secret, a place I went to share my innermost thoughts and feelings that no one knew of. From the joys of childbirth and raising children to hidden pain buried deep inside the child in me.

When I picked up my pen and began to write I wasnt alone. There was always someone there to listen, someone to understand. I knew if I could get it down on paper it would help me heal. Many of my journals are tear-stained and full of painful memories. Countless times I had to seek counselling to heal the damaged child inside, but it was worth it.

Over the years I have filled fifteen journals covering every season in my life, from the good times to the bad. Through them all I have learned the most valuable lesson of all: who I am. After years of trying to be the person I thought everyone else needed me to be, I am finally free to be myself, and that feels good.