Haley McGee - The Ex-Boyfriend Yard Sale - Finding a Formula for the Cost of Love

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Writing this book has been the realization of a dream I didnt let myself dream. There are so many people I want to thank for believing in this idea and supporting me while I toiled away.

Thank you to

The flying squad, Ted, Donna, Gary, Leisa and Eliza, for spending your long weekend proofreading this book.

My editors Bhavna Chauhan and Melanie Tutino. Im so fortunate to have been guided through this process by a team of whip-smart women who know whats up and to have had your deft hands helping me to separate the wheat from the chaff.

The marvellous team at Doubleday Canada and Penguin Random House Canada for their attention to detail, patience and sensitivity, especially Amy Black, Susan Burns and Kristin Cochrane, copyeditor Maggie Morris, marketer Kaitlin Smith, publicist Samantha Chater, Val Gow in sales, and Talia Abramson, Kate Panek and Kate Sinclair in production and design.

My agent, Kirsty McLachlan, for finding me, championing this story and fielding my panicked calls with grace and kindness.

The whole team who got the live show off the ground. To Brian Logan and the staff at Camden Peoples Theatre, my long-time collaborator, director Mitchell Cushman, my creative team: Zoe Robinson, Rose Hockaday, Anna Reid, Kieran Lucas and Lucy Adams and my most wonderful assistant and friend, Eliza Cass. To my outside eyes: Deborah Pearson, Phillip McKee, Holly Beasley-Garrigan and Richard Corgan. To experts Lee Smolin and Robert Elliot Smith. To all the theatre companies and organizations who supported the shows development and brought it to audiences and every audience member. Without you, this book would not exist.

Melanie Frances, my math whiz. Thank you for diving in and showing me all that numbers could do. You are remarkable. Brains, care, creativity, humour. Howd Id get so lucky?

My most faithful friends, whove borne witness to all the crushes, flirtations, flights of passion, boredom, heartbreak and despondency of my romantic life: Teddy, Milena, Daniel, Taylor, Talia, Carlyn, Marla, Shannon, Brittney and Jared. Thank you for your ears, advice, comradery, joy and depth.

My London contingent: Mike, Liz, Rebecca, Dave, Paula, Robert, Jonathan, Debbie, Morgan, Alan, Rajiv, Matthew, Simon, Marta, everyone I improvise with at the Free Association, all my students, my agents at Yakety Yak and Geoff at SDA. Youve helped make this new place home.

The extraordinary women who taught me math in high school: Mrs. Packull-McCormick and Mrs. Biffis.

Jennifer Adams, my high school drama teacher, who called me an actor, and Sheldon Rosen, who taught me writing at theatre school and called me a writer. Thank you for seeing me.

Mary Ellen. Your brilliance, insight and generosity have shepherded me into the life Ive always wanted. Im so glad I found you.

Robert, who couldnt have come at a better time.

My family for your steadfast support, encouragement and boundless love; my parents for showing me how to work hard, raising me to have the confidence to go my own way and for never telling me the arts werent a viable career choice (sorry about the double negative Dad!); my aunt Lynda whose sense of humour and creativity have shaped how I see the world; my brother Rory for his wisdom, friendship and truth-telling.

My exes, for all the riches. Thank you for teaching me about love.

And finally, thank you to you, dear reader, consider this sentence my ponytail sweeping the stage floor in a humble bow. You reading this has made it all worth it.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Haley McGee was born and raised in Kitchener-Waterloo, Ontario. At seventeen she moved to Toronto, where she received a BFA in Acting from X University and subsequently worked as an actor and playwright until she relocated to the UK in 2016.

Heralded as the formidable Haley McGee (The Globe and Mail ), her award-winning, critically acclaimed solo shows have played in thirty-six venues in eleven countries and been translated into four languages.

Haley now lives in London, UK, where she thrives on varietyshe writes, acts, performs improv, does voiceovers, teaches artists in an array of online courses and hosts The Cost of Love podcast.

This is her first book.

www.haleymcgee.ca

THE FORMULA FOR THE COST OF LOVE

To experience the formula in all its glory, cut along the dotted lines and assemble with tape as the letters indicate.

Ive also included a few notes and a legend so you can squeeze the most out of it.

NOTES

There is a certain amount of behind the scenes math at play in this rendering of the formula. For the purposes of style, legibility and elegance we decided to omit some of those nuts and bolts but wanted to mention a few that might be of interest, especially if you happen to be a more mathematically minded person than I am.

Many of the symbols youll see on the formula represent several pieces of math. For example, the quality of sex variable, which youll find in the Relationship Index, is determined by measuring the quality of sex (110, no 7) at the beginning and at the end of the relationship and taking an average.

Lots of variables have been scaled, meaning taken up or down in size, depending on their emotional impact in relation to other variables, or level of importance within my personal value system. For instance, if something was rated a 2, we could include it as 0.2, 1.2 or 2.

Since Wild Cards are taxes (or multipliers) that already scale the entire price, we scale them down by adding the number one at the beginning of the phrase and then multiplying the phrase by (1 100).

If these notes feel too esoteric for you, please enjoy the formula as is and trust that it really works.

LEGEND

Market Value (MV)

This phrase is all about the hard, nancial costs associated with the item forsale