Laura Belbin - Knee Deep in Life: An Uncensored Account Of Motherhood

Laura Belbin

KNEE DEEP IN LIFE

Contents

About the Author

Laura Belbin (aka Knee Deep In Life) is a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, auntie and the woman you avoid eye contact with in the playground. She is also the woman behind the blog Knee Deep in Life. Completely unfiltered and totally laid bare, she shares images of herself emulating out-of-this-world picture-perfect photographs sourced off Google (you know the type: Kim K in a sexy cut-out dress with a champagne bottle resting on her perfectly round bum) but totally imperfectly. Her online community is made up of like-minded people who want to laugh and celebrate their lumps, bumps and imperfections. Across her social channels she has over 1 million followers.

You fucking got this

Hello, my darling, how are you ? I imagine its been a while since someone asked you that? I dont mean that awkward-conversation-starter-on-a-first date how are you?; I mean a you-look-like-you-could-do-with-a-hug-a-large-glass-of-wine-and-a-gentle-reassuring-slap-on-the-arse How Are You?

We get so caught up with life sometimes that we forget to stop and congratulate ourselves for still being here. For somehow surviving this shitstorm and not killing anyone. Its a massive achievement. Pat yourself on the back. You did it. Youre doing it. You.Are.Fucking.Awesome!

I know you thought life would be all bleached arseholes, rainbows and screaming orgasms, and right now youre sat here reading this book with a nasty case of piles, a left tit that sags slightly more than the right, and the only orgasm youll reach (after youve told your husband you havent had a shit in four days, just because he touched your shoulder and you want to make it clear tonights not gonna happen) is when you find that tub of Ben & Jerrys at the bottom of the freezer. You are tired. You are yet to see the bottom of the washing pile; it smells like old penis, and you keep toying with the idea of a cleaner, but you worry too much about The Judgement; after all, youve just found an old shit skid mark on the bathroom sink and you literally have no idea how long its been there.

Basically, life isnt going to plan.

But I hear you. That person I just described? Its me. We all are a bit . Its just no one is saying it out loud because we are petrified of having it confirmed. Well, babe, if youre the skank then so am I. The woman with the shit-skid sink? Me. Often! I cant even tell you which house-dwelling human thinks it is appropriate to wipe their finger on the bathroom sink. My hope is that it isnt me but I cant be 100 per cent sure ( exhaustion is a bitch ).

I know youre wondering when the fuck it turns less The Hills Have Eyes and more The Sound of Music . But Im going to break this to you now: The Sound of Music is a crock of shit. Sorry, Julie.

We have this expectation as women that well keep a pristine house, raise model children and still find time to suck like a hoover, while mopping the floor with a broom shoved up our arse. It kind of grips my shit. Mainly because it isnt really reality .

This whole time youve probably been wondering how youre getting it wrong, without realising youve already been nailing it every single day. How? Simply because you get that beautiful ass out of bed each day and you never give up! ( By the way, I will reference that fine piece of ass on multiple occasions, so please get used to it! ) I get that youre probably thinking thats ridiculous, because you have no choice. And yet, babes, you do. You do have the choice to stop trying to change, give up and never bother to improve what you have. I want you to know you have FUCKING got this. You have this in a way I cant even describe because the people around you are happy because you are breathing; they are successful because of your support and they know they can carry on quite simply because you are in their lives. So, when is it your time to believe you are good enough the way you are? Yesterday. Which means you are absolutely overdue this little pow-wow.

We always tell ourselves well be happier when we lose four stone and can see our hairy minge, because the roll of fat will have transformed into perfect abs, which youll show off in tiny denim shorts in the playground as you collect the kids, and all the other mums will look on in utter disbelief because youve lost So Much Weight . I mean, wow, now you look like Sexy Susie Six Pack. But why does the four-stone-lighter version of you get all the fun? How come she gets to love herself and feel like shes arrived in life? No offence, Susie, babes, because, although I believe you are smoking hot with an ass I could bounce a coin off, youre not the person who is going to make you happy.

The truth is that the person you are right now has to learn to love herself, because the person beneath all the skin and chocolate gooey layers (if humans were made of chocolate, I would be serving life for cannibalism by now) is going to be with you until you take your last breath. She needs your love and guidance; she deserves your support and kindness not tomorrow, not when you have the perfect abs now.

We all believe that thin girls dont have hang-ups, that rich ones never have any worries and that girls who have cosmetic surgery bang their boyfriends nightly. But you dont need to be Porno Patricia to have a high sex drive. I know of women who live in six-bedroom mansions who have been at the food bank with next to nothing left to live off. And the thin girl? Shes battled anxiety for most of her life. So remind yourself again who is nailing it best (and its not always the cosmetic surgery hunnis nailing their husbands). All of us are nailing it, even through the shitstorm. No one is getting out of here alive, yet in the process as were all too busy smiling, disguising the truth we forget that every single person has a story to tell and a heartache to share.

My mission, when I started blogging back in 2016, was to remind people they arent alone, and that they are important to those around them. That can be lost at times when youre too busy trying to wipe your arse in peace, or praying for bedtime because the kids are doing your head in. So we continue to drag ourselves through life, not realising what a bunch of legends we are. This isnt about trying to be better than the next person, its just about believing in yourself enough to know you can make a difference in your own life, and others lives too.

No one likes a Sally Two Shits! Old Sally will always manage to trump the T-shirt you wear so proudly because the smug bitch will always have one more than you. I see so many people who feel the urge to compete it has become exhausting. Id much rather stand in the corner of the room with a large bar of Galaxy and a double gin and tonic.