Brian Boone - The Unofficial Harry Potter Joke Book: Great Guffaws for Gryffindor

Also by Brian Boone: Hysterical Jokes for Minecrafters: Blocks, Boxes, Blasts, and Blow-Outs, Book 3 Side-Splitting Jokes for Minecrafters: Ghastly Golems and Ghoulish Ghasts, Book 4 Jokes for Minecrafters: Uproarious Riddles for Minecrafters: Mobs, Ghasts, Biomes, and More! Book 5 Jokes for Minecrafters: Gut-Busting Puns for Minecrafters: Endermen, Explosions, Withers, and More! Book 6 Minecraft Know-It-All Trivia Book This book is not authorized or sponsored by Bloomsbury Publishing, Scholastic Inc., Disney, J. K. Rowling, or any other person or entity owning or controlling rights in the Harry Potter name, trademark, or copyrights. Copyright 2017 by Hollan Publishing, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without the express written consent of the publisher, except in the case of brief excerpts in critical reviews or articles.

All inquiries should be addressed to Sky Pony Press, 307 West 36th Street, 11th Floor, New York, NY 10018. Sky Pony Press books may be purchased in bulk at special discounts for sales promotion, corporate gifts, fund-raising, or educational purposes. Special editions can also be created to specifications. For details, contact the Special Sales Department, Sky Pony Press, 307 West 36th Street, 11th Floor, New York, NY 10018 or . Sky Pony is a registered trademark of Skyhorse Publishing, Inc., a Delaware corporation. 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available on file. 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available on file.

Cover artwork: iStockphoto/Shutterstock Hardcover ISBN: 978-1-5107-2931-5 Ebook ISBN: 978-1-5107-2938-4 Printed in the United States of America CONTENTS Introduction L ike millions of other lucky readers, youve likely been completely enchanted by the wizarding world developed by J.K. Rowling over the course of seven classic Harry Potter novels. And who can blame you? Its a marvelous place full of action, adventure, spells, potions, hexes, amazing creatures, and magical placeslike Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardrywhere absolutely anything is possible. Youve probably got your own magic wand; you know which Hogwarts house youve been sorted into, and you may even have your patronus figured out. In short, youre a hardcore Potterhead. And now its time to laugh it up with The Unofficial Harry Potter Joke Book.

While Rowlings booksand the great movies made from themare completely engrossing, the one thing theyre not is laugh-out-loud funny. Heres where we bring the magic. The Unofficial Harry Potter Joke Book is fuller than Dumbledores Pensieve, loaded with hundreds of jokes that poke a little fun at wizards, witches, Hogwarts, Voldemort, Ron, Hermione, Snape, Hagrid, and, of course, the Boy Who Lived himself. Quidditch quips? Score! Slytherin sillies and Ravenclaw ha-has? Huzzah! Cracks at the expense of He Who Must Not Be Named? Always. One thing is for sure: with The Unofficial Harry Potter Joke Book, you can expecto laughs. CHAPTER 1 H ARRY , H ERMIONE , R ON , AND O THER S TUDENTS OF M AGIC Q.

What did Harry and Ron have in common when they met? A. One had a scar, and the other had Scabbers. Q. Where do Hermiones parents live? A. Back home on the Grange! Q. Do you know what Hermiones patronus is? A.

Well, you otter. Q. Do you know what Rons patronus is then? A. It would be terrier if you didnt! Q. Why did Harry move? A. Q. Q.

What do wizards and fish have in common? A. They hang out in schools. Q. Why did Draco avoid Hermione the first time they met? A. His parents told him to never talk to Grangers. Q.

What do you get when you cross a Ravenclaw with the infirmary? A. Ill-literacy Q. Whats a Slytherins favorite subject? A. Hissssstory. Q. Why are Slytherins house colors green and black? A.

Because red and gold were already taken! Q. Why are Gryffindors house colors red and gold? A. Because red and pink dont look very good together. Q. Did you hear about Percy Weasley? A. His mother said he was the perfect prefect! Q.

Why was Hermione such a good student? A. Where theres a quill, theres a way! Q. Why did Ron have such a hard time studying? A. He lacked hocus focus. Q. Did you hear about the first-year who returned his house tie? A.

He said it was too tight. Q. Where does Harry Potter buy furniture? A. At the Harry Pottery Barn. Q. What do Marauders do at night when everybodys tired? A.

They take a Map! Q. Where do Hogwarts students leave their complaints? A. In the Goblet of Ire. Q. Whats the one class Hogwarts somehow doesnt have? A. Q. Q.

How are new students like birds? A. They have to learn Flying. Q. How does Harrys best friend get his exercise? A. He Rons. Q.

Why didnt Harry like the Triwizard Tournament? A. It was dragon on and on. Q. What do you call a star pupil in Professor Sprouts class? A. Herb. Q.

What do a potions pot and Harrys best friend have in common? A. Theyre both cauldron. Q. Once again, Dracos plan to get Potter was ruined. A. He was Malfoyled! Q.

How do the Malfoys enter a building? A. They Slytherin. Q. Why did the wizard drop out of Hogwarts to travel the world? A. She had wand-erlust. Q.

Did you hear about the Hogwarts student from outer space? A. He was a flying sorcerer. Q. What do you call a Hufflepuff who works in a casino? A. A Shufflepuff. Q.

What do you call a Hufflepuff who makes fancy chocolate? A. A Trufflepuff. Q. What do you call a Hufflepuff who makes dresses? A. A Rufflepuff. Q.

What do you call a Hufflepuff who works in a mechanics shop? A. A Mufflerpuff. Q. What do you call a Hufflepuff who gets into fights? A. A Scufflepuff. Q.

What do you call a Hufflepuff who always has a big bag of stuff with them? A. Dufflepuff. Q. Whats one thing Hogwarts students have to look out for? A. Desk Eaters. Q.

Why did Crabbe and Goyle cross the road? A. Because Draco told them to. Q. Why do Slytherins cross the road twice? A. Because they are double-crossers. Q.

Why was Luna such a good friend? A. Because Luna Lovegood. Q. Why did Neville never have a problem finding a place to sit? A. Because of his Longbottom. Q.

What is Ron at Christmas? A. A sweater-getter. Q. When is Ron not called Ron? A. When hes Cauldron Cakes. Q.

Whats Bill Weasleys favorite flower? A. Fleur! Q. At least at first, did Cedric like being in the Triwizard Tournament? A. Yeah, he could really Diggory it! Q. What does a Hufflepuff do after a wand duel? A. He huffs and puffs! Q.

Into what house do grumpy wizards get sorted? A. Grumblepuff. Q. Whos the most popular rapper in the wizarding world? A. Man-Drake. Q.

What do wizards put on their ice cream? A. Magic Shell. Q. What did Snape say when Harry fell into a prickly blackberry bush? A. Points, Gryffindor! Q. Why did Malfoy get mad in Potions? A.

He reached his boiling point. Q. Which house throws the best parties? A. Ravin Claw. Q. Why did Crabbe want to go to the Yule Ball? A.

He knew a Goyle that was going. Q. Why were they called Dumbledores Army? A. Because they didnt have the boats to be Dumbledores Navy. Q. A Ronicle. Q. Q.