Table of Contents
Acknowledgments
This book would never have existed without the lenience of Nicolas Paradis, my business partner at Chateau. All the time I spent writing Stuff Parisians Like, I did not spend working on Chateau.
Hes quite the business partner; Im well aware of it. No matter what the name on the cover says, this book is also vastly his.
Other special thanks go to the readers of my blog. If it wasnt for their kind words month after month, I would never have kept on with my silly writing.
So merci, really.
(Here, the first French myth debunked: Not all Frenchies are ungrateful pricks.... More in the following pages, stick with me).
Introduction
In my broken English, Ive written every word of this book.
Except for 6.
That is Discovering the quoi in the je-ne-sais-quoi. I must say Im somewhat bummed for I think this is the wittiest line of the book, the most efficient, too.
Im accountable for the other less witty, less efficient lines in here.
English
Parisians know English very well.
Usually better than French.
English words have become a necessary ornament to the French spoken in Paris.
The Parisian talks about son spirit, son timing, or son management with his friends. Il squeeze, il checke, il switche. Parisians working in the corporate world are the best at English. They fully master it. All day, they deal with meetings, slides, open space, and feedback.
Their nine-to-five lingo soon enough turns into a second nature: the Parisian est corporate. Thank God for the corporate world. The Parisian knows that French has its limits. What in the world could be a translation for spirit anyway?
When a Parisian shares that il est en speed car il a squeez un gros meeting entre un lunch avec son boss et un conf call avec son CEO (he is late because he scheduled a big meeting between a lunch with his boss and a conference call with the CEO), he is completely oblivious to the fact that his French is somewhat sprinkled with English words. Thats what knowledge does to you. Knoweldge acquired in the workplace, while traveling, or in magazines. With most of the press headquartered in Paris, new fashion, people, or shopping sections flourish in every publication.
To the Parisian, English is secretly more cool and quite obviously much simpler than French. And is a fantastic way for the Parisian to recognize his peers. While all Parisians will understand the sentence above at once, only a few provinciaux will. Most will somehow mock the Parisian for talking like this. Thats what ignorance does to you.
Faced with criticism, Parisians may react in two opposite fashions. Some will admit: Ouais, je sais, cest grave, hein, jpeux pas mempcher, cest con, hein?! (Yes, I know, I cant stop myself. Its stupid, right?) Others will strike back: Oh la la, volue un peu, cest bon, faut pas tre passiste comme a: Relax, Max. (Suck it up, its all good and you dont have to live in the past like that all the time: Relax.)
The Parisian is the victim of his own knowledge. Vraiment, cest hard dtre Parisien.
USEFUL TIP: If youre a native Anglophone, first learn about the meaning Parisians have put behind each English word. Surprises may occur.
SOUND LIKE A PARISIAN:Non, mais le deal cest quya pas de guest list, cest tout! (No, the deal is that there is no guest list, end of the story.)
South America
Parisians love South America. There is no exception to that rule.
The definition of South America for Parisians is simple: South America is anything south of America. The existence of Central America is not a relevant question in Paris. The actual existence of several countries within South America is already bewildering enough. All Parisians know that South America is colorful, authentic, and happy. Very little differentiation ought to be made between Guatemala and Peru.
During his student years, a Parisian customarily takes a trip to South America. A laventure. Going to South America without a backpack would be considered very poor travel standards to a Parisian. One is to backpack in South America. Backpacking for the Parisian includes traveling with a backpack and des bonnes chaussures de marche. And sleeping in hotels.
Returning from a trip to South America, the Parisian will systematically say it was gnial. He will have a word about les couleurs. And les gens. Though, obviously, it was un peu roots. For sure, it was.
Most Parisians have a friend from South America. Those who dont wished they did. South American friends bring lightheartedness and a Spanish accent to Parisian parties. These are key to a good party. Lightheartedness is a quality Parisians love in people from South America and Belgium. They admire it in English people. And they despise it in people from France or the U.S.
The only negative point Parisians sometimes mention about South America is la violence. Parisians all have a friend who got mugged in Brazil. Yet Parisians love for South America is here to stay. For, ultimately, the Parisian love for South America is a typical form of Parisian love, made of an authentic appreciation for qualities the Parisian wished he had and a comfortable feeling of insuperable superiority over the subject of his love.
USEFUL TIP: Go to Argentina.
SOUND LIKE A PARISIAN:Jai trop envie de me faire un voyage en Amrique du Sud. (I so want to take a trip to South America.)
Robert Doisneau
Parisians like Paris. And they like to display that they do.
Posters are the Parisians vector of choice to celebrate their affection for their city.
Putting up a poster of a Parisian monument would be such an outsiders thing to do (though some lazy Parisians will opt for the series of pictures related to the construction of the Eiffel Tower). The whole Aristide Bruant thing has been over for fifteen years.
These days, a real Parisian prefers to put up on his wall, on his fridge, or in his toilettes a picture of Robert Doisneau. Robert Doisneaus mid-twentieth century black-and-white pictures usually represent Parisians (lovers or children) in Paris. Doisneaus pictures give to a room a gloomy/melancholic /artistic touch that Parisians cannot get enough of. The Paris represented in these photographs is the romantic, eternal, and populaire Paris. As Doisneau liked to say, Ma photo, cest le monde tel que je souhaite quil soit (My photo, its how I wish the world would be). Parisians understand this very well. They, too, would like the world to be black and white, charming and melancholic.
As for all mainstream things in Paris, an implicit social classification exists. What you display on your walls defines where you stand socially. Where you stand socially defines what you display on your walls. The bottom of the Doisneau hierarchy is evidently his most well-known photograph, Le Baiser de lHtel de Ville. All teenage Parisian girls own a reproduction of this picture. Adults putting up a poster of Le Baiser de lHotel de Ville send the clear message that either they have stuck to the teenage-girl level or that they are unaware of existing social codes in Paris. Both lead to sheer ridicule and diminished social credit.
