Janet Evanovich - One for the money

THERE ARE SOME MEN who enter a womans life and screw it up forever. Joseph Morelli did this to menot forever, but periodically.

Morelli and I were both born and raised in a blue-collar chunk of Trenton called the burg. Houses were attached and narrow. Yards were small. Cars were American. The people were mostly of Italian descent, with enough Hungarians and Germans thrown in to offset inbreeding. It was a good place to buy calzone or play the numbers. And, if you had to live in Trenton anyway, it was an okay place to raise a family.

When I was a kid I didnt ordinarily play with Joseph Morelli. He lived two blocks over and was two years older. Stay away from those Morelli boys, my mother had warned me. Theyre wild. I hear stories about the things they do to girls when they get them alone.

What kind of things? Id eagerly asked.

You dont want to know, my mother had answered. Terrible things. Things that arent nice.

From that moment on, I viewed Joseph Morelli with a combination of terror and prurient curiosity that bordered on awe. Two weeks later, at the age of six, with quaking knees and a squishy stomach, I followed Morelli into his fathers garage on the promise of learning a new game.

The Morelli garage hunkered detached and snubbed at the edge of their lot. It was a sorry affair, lit by a single shaft of light filtering through a grime-coated window. Its air was stagnant, smelling of corner must, discarded tires, and jugs of used motor oil. Never destined to house the Morelli cars, the garage served other purposes. Old Man Morelli used the garage to take his belt to his sons, his sons used the garage to take their hands to themselves, and Joseph Morelli took me, Stephanie Plum, to the garage to play train.

Whats the name of this game? Id asked Joseph Morelli.

Choo-choo, hed said, down on his hands and knees, crawling between my legs, his head trapped under my short pink skirt. Youre the tunnel, and Im the train.

I suppose this tells something about my personality. That Im not especially good at taking advice. Or that I was born with an overload of curiosity. Or maybe its about rebellion or boredom or fate. At any rate, it was a one-shot deal and darn disappointing, since Id only gotten to be the tunnel, and Id really wanted to be the train.

Ten years later, Joe Morelli was still living two blocks over. Hed grown up big and bad, with eves like black fire one minute and melt-in-your-mouth chocolate the next. He had an eagle tattooed on his chest, a tight-assed, narrow-hipped swagger, and a reputation for having fast hands and clever fingers.

My best friend, Mary Lou Molnar, said she heard Morelli had a tongue like a lizard.

Holy cow, Id answered, whats that supposed to mean?

Just dont let him get you alone or youll find out. Once he gets you alone thats it. Youre done for.

I hadnt seen much of Morelli since the train episode. I supposed hed enlarged his repertoire of sexual exploitation. I opened my eyes wide and leaned closer to Mary Lou, hoping for the worst. You arent talking about rape, are you?

Im talking about lust! If he wants you, youre doomed. The guy is irresistible.

Aside from being fingered at the age of six by you-know-who, I was untouched. I was saving myself for marriage, or at least for college. Im a virgin, I said, as if this was news. Im sure he doesnt mess with virgins.

He specializes in virgins! The brush of his fingertips turns virgins into slobbering mush.

Two weeks later, Joe Morelli came into the bakery where I worked every day after school, Tasty Pastry, on Hamilton. He bought a chocolate-chip cannoli, told me hed joined the navy, and charmed the pants off me four minutes after closing, on the floor of Tasty Pastry, behind the case filled with chocolate clairs.

The next time I saw him, I was three years older. I was on my way to the mall, driving my fathers Buick when I spotted Morelli standing in front of Giovichinnis Meat Market. I gunned the big V-8 engine, jumped the curb, and clipped Morelli from behind, bouncing him off the front right fender. I stopped the car and got out to assess the damage. Anything broken?

He was sprawled on the pavement, looking up my skirt. My leg.

Good, I said. Then I turned on my heel, got into the Buick, and drove to the mall.

I attribute the incident to temporary insanity, and in my own defense, Id like to say I havent run over anyone since.

DURING WINTER MONTHS, wind ripped up Hamilton Avenue, whining past plate-glass windows, banking trash against curbs and storefronts. During summer months, the air sat still and gauzy, leaden with humidity, saturated with hydrocarbons. It shimmered over hot cement and melted road tar. Cicadas buzzed, Dumpsters reeked, and a dusty haze hung in perpetuity over softball fields statewide. I figured it was all part of the great adventure of living in New Jersey.

This afternoon Id decided to ignore the August buildup of ozone catching me in the back of my throat and go, convertible top down, in my Mazda Miata. The air conditioner was blasting flat out, I was singing along with Paul Simon, my shoulder-length brown hair was whipping around my face in a frenzy of frizz and snarls, my ever vigilant blue eyes were coolly hidden behind my Oakleys, and my foot rested heavy on the gas pedal.

It was Sunday, and I had a date with a pot roast at my parents house. I stopped for a light and checked my rearview mirror, swearing when I saw Lenny Gruber two car lengths back in a tan sedan. I thunked my forehead on the steering wheel. Damn. Id gone to high school with Gruber. He was a maggot then, and he was a maggot now. Unfortunately, he was a maggot with a just cause. I was behind on my Miata payments, and Gruber worked for the repo company.

Six months ago, when Id bought the car, Id been looking good, with a nice apartment and season tickets to the Rangers. And then bam ! I got laid off. No money. No more A-1 credit rating.

I rechecked the mirror, set my teeth, and yanked up the emergency brake. Lenny was like smoke. When you tried to grab him, he evaporated, so I wasnt about to waste this one last opportunity to bargain. I hauled myself out of my car, apologized to the man caught between us, and stalked back to Gruber.

Stephanie Plum, Gruber said, full of joy and faux surprise. What a treat.

I leaned two hands on the roof and looked through the open window at him. Lenny, Im going to my parents house for dinner. You wouldnt snatch my car while I was at my parents house, would you? I mean, that would be really low, Lenny.

Im a pretty low guy, Steph. Thats why Ive got this neat job. Im capable of most anything.

The light changed, and the driver behind Gruber leaned on his horn.

Maybe we can make a deal, I said to Gruber.

Does this deal involve you getting naked?

I had a vision of grabbing his nose and twisting it Three Stooges style until he squealed like a pig. Problem was, itd involve touching him. Better to go with a more restrained approach. Let the keep the car tonight, and Ill drive it to the lot first thing tomorrow morning.

No way, Gruber said. Youre damn sneaky. Ive been chasing after this car for five days.

So, one more wont matter.

Id expect you to be grateful, you know what I mean?

I almost gagged. Forget it. Take the car. In fact, you could take it right now. Ill walk to my parents.

Grubers eves were locked halfway down my chest. Im a 36B. Respectable but far from overwhelming on my 5 7 frame. I was wearing black spandex shorts and an over-sized hockey jersey. Not what you would call a seductive outfit, but Lenny was ogling anyway.

His smile widened enough to show he was missing a molar. I guess I could wait for tomorrow. After all, we did go to high school together.