Jack Goldstein - 101 Amazing Unusual Deaths

101 Amazing Unusual Deaths

Jack Goldstein

First published in 2017 by

Jack Goldstein Books

www.jackgoldsteinbooks.com

Digital edition converted and distributed by

Andrews UK Limited

www.andrewsuk.com

Copyright 2017 Jack Goldstein

The right of Jack Goldstein to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1998.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the publisher, nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser. Any person who does so may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.

The views and opinions expressed herein belong to the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Andrews UK Limited.

Introduction

Death is the one thing about life we can be sure of. But exactly how we shuffle off this mortal coil is another story altogether. Whilst the boring among us may well drift off in our sleep, and the unlucky suffer painfully in some horrible accident, very occasionally death will come in such an unusual way as to be particularly noteworthy. Ever since the politician Draco was suffocated by the gifts an appreciative audience showered him with in the 7th century BC, the fates have generously woven their magic to ensure that members of the human race have gone to meet the choir invisible in ever more interesting circumstances.

This book examines over one hundred such cases, where the unexpected is the norm and the bizarre commonplace. From the humorous to the tragic and the gruesome, prepare yourself for a morbid trip through the kind of material you know the coroners secretly share at their Christmas parties...

All of the deaths contained within have been checked and referenced as much as possible, and the author is confident that they occurred as reported. If any reader has information to the contrary, please do contact the publisher who will be happy to make any necessary corrections in a future version.

Long, Long Ago...

1. In the 7 th Century BC, a politician by the name of Draco became the first legislator (someone who writes laws) of ancient Athens in Greece. Although his role arose as a result of citizens asking for someone to draw up certain laws, their plan backfired somewhat as Dracos laws ended up being pretty unforgiving - in fact, thats where we get the word draconian from when referring to a law that is particularly harsh. However, it was not angry citizens who caused his death, but grateful ones. After a speech at a public venue in Aegina, the appreciative audience showered him with gifts of cloaks and hats; unfortunately Draco suffocated to death under their weight.
2. Perhaps one of the most famous deaths in ancient Greece was that of the author Aeschylus of Athens, a playwright well-known for his tragedies who was killed by a falling tortoise. Eagles are known to drop tortoises on rocks to smash their shells, thus gaining access to those yummy innards. It is thought that an eagle had dropped the tortoise in question onto Aeschyluss shiny bald head, mistaking it for a rock. Amazingly, it turns out that the unlucky fellow was only outside in the first place because he had received a prophecy that he would be killed by a falling object... so he thought being out in the open would be the best way to avoid such a tragic outcome! In case youre wondering, sadly history does not record the fate of the tortoise.
3. Qin Shi Huang, the emperor of China who gave the world the incredible terracotta army, suffered a painful death due to ingestion of significant amounts of mercury. He hadnt swallowed the fatal material accidentally however; he had in fact deliberately swallowed a number of pills made out of the poisonous metal in the utterly misguided belief that they would grant him eternal life.
4. Many of the deaths listed in this book do seem rather unpleasant, but every now and then it seems that a human departs our plane of existence in an altogether less gruesome way. One example of this is surely Chrysippus, a third century Greek philosopher. He saw a donkey trying to eat figs, and after chuckling to himself a little asked a slave to give the animal some wine with which to wash them down. For some reason he found the sight so amusing that he actually died of laughter. Considering few - if any - have since tried feeding a donkey figs and wine, who knows if he simply had an odd sense of humour... or it could genuinely be the most hilarious thing one could ever witness.
5. It seems that Chrysippus was not the only Greek philosopher to expire in unusual circumstances. Heraclitus, also of that persuasion, decided that the modern-day cure for dropsy in 475BC was to smear oneself with cow manure. Sadly for the deep thinker, he didnt reckon on a pack of dogs being so excited by the funky smell that they devoured him entirely. At least, thats the story told to us by fellow philosopher Diogenes.
6. Figs must have held some humorous significance for previous generations - at least, thats what might be deduced from the examples of both Chrysippus above and of Martin of Aragon who also kicked the bucket after a bout of uncontrollable laughter. Suffering from indigestion having eaten an entire goose, Martin was pleased to see his favourite jester Borra enter the room. He asked the jester where he had been, and the reply given was Out of the next vineyard, where I saw a young deer hanging by his tail from a tree, as if someone had so punished him for stealing figs! - to which Martin laughed himself to death. Hilarious.
7. In 163 BC, Biblical hero Eleazar Avaran was really fired up for war. He couldnt wait to get onto the battlefield, eager to prove his heroic nature. When the trumpets sounded and the two opposing sides charged, Avaran made a beeline for the enemy kings elephant, and triumphantly thrust his spear into the pachyderms belly. Sadly for all concerned, the regal Dumbo immediately collapsed on top of the warrior, instantly squashing the life out of him. A hero indeed!
8. Whilst the death of Lawrence of Rome - now referred to as Saint Lawrence - isnt particularly unusual, he has to be credited with having an excellent sense of humour at a time where most of us would be screaming with pain. As a Christian, he was one of many persecuted by the emperor Valerian, whose favourite method of torture was to roast holy men on giant grills. With his faith in God giving him strength, instead of begging for his release, Lawrence told his torturers that they needed to turn him over as he was done on this side. He is now (genuinely) considered the patron saint of cooks, firefighters and comedians.
9. As far as painful deaths go, it cant get much worse than the supposed method by which Edward II met his demise. A horn was inserted into his anus, with a red-hot poker duly shoved through the grizzly funnel and wiggled around, destroying his internal organs yet leaving no visible mark on the kings body. Some historians doubt this tale of torture, but as it has not been conclusively proven to have purely been propaganda it is permitted for inclusion in this amazing list.
10. If one is sentenced to death but given the honour of choosing ones own method of execution, death by old age is surely the sensible option to ask for. Generally in these circumstances however, its unlikely the powers-that-be have the patience to allow a second answer, so rather than joke around, those who find themselves in such a scenario usually propose whichever method they believe to be the quickest and least painful. George Plantagenet, Duke of Clarence seems to have had a slightly different idea though... he chose the rather unusual option of drowning in a barrel of Malmsey Wine, please!