George Alec Effinger - When Gravity Fails

This book is dedicated to the memory of Amber.

And some there be which have no memorial.

He must be the best man in his world and a good enough man for any world He is a lonely man and his pride is that you will treat him as a proud man or be very sorry you ever saw him. He talks as the man of his age talks that is, with rude wit, a lively sense of the grotesque, a disgust for sham, and a contempt for pettiness.

Raymond Chandler, The Simple Art of Murder

When youre lost in the rain in Juarez and its Eastertime too

And your gravity fails and negativity dont pull you through

Dont put on any airs when youre down on Rue Morgue Avenue

They got some hungry women there and they really make a mess out of you.

Bob Dylan, Just Like Tom Thumbs Blues

Chirigas nightclub was right in the middle of the Budayeen, eight blocks from the eastern gate, eight blocks from the cemetery. It was handy to have the graveyard so close-at-hand. The Budayeen was a dangerous place and everyone knew it. Thats why there was a wall around three sides. Travelers were warned away from the Budayeen, but they came anyway. Theyd heard about it all their lives, and theyd be damned if they were going home without seeing it for themselves. Most of them came in the eastern gate and started up the Street curiously; theyd begin to get a little edgy after two or three blocks, and theyd find a place to sit and have a drink or eat a pill or two. After that, theyd hurry back the way theyd come and count themselves lucky to get back to the hotel. A few werent so lucky, and stayed behind in the cemetery. Like I said, it was a very conveniently situated cemetery, and it saved a lot of time and trouble all around.

I stepped into Chiris place, glad to get out of the hot, sticky night. At the table nearest the door were two women, middle-aged tourists, with shopping bags filled with souvenirs and presents for the folks back home. One had a camera and was taking hologram snapshots of the people in the nightclub. The regulars usually dont take kindly to that, but they were ignoring these tourists. A man couldnt have taken those pictures without paying for it. Everyone was ignoring the two women except a tall, very thin man wearing a dark European suit and tie. It was as outrageous a costume as Id seen that night. I wondered what his routine was, so I waited at the bar a moment, eavesdropping.

My name is Bond, said the guy. James Bond. As if there could be any doubt.

The two women looked frightened. Oh, my God, one of them whispered.

My turn. I walked up behind the moddy and grabbed one of his wrists. I slipped my thumb over his thumbnail and forced it down and into his palm. He cried out in pain. Come along, Double-oh-seven, old man. I murmured in his ear, lets peddle it somewhere else. I escorted him to the door and gave him a hefty shove out into the muggy, rain-scented darkness.

The two women looked at me as if I were the Messiah returning with their personal salvations sealed in separate envelopes. Thank you, said the one with the camera. She was speaking French. I dont know what else to say except thanks.

Its nothing, I said. I dont like to see these people with their plug-in personality modules bothering anybody but another moddy.

The second woman looked bewildered. A moddy, young man? Like they didnt have them wherever she came from.

Yeah. Hes wearing a James Bond module. Thinks hes James Bond. Hell be pulling that trick all night, until someone raps him down and pops the moddy out of his head. Thats what he deserves. He may be wearing Allah-only-knows-what daddies, too. I saw the bewildered look again, so I went on. Daddy is what we call an add-on. A daddy gives you temporary knowledge. Say you chip in a Swedish-language daddy; then you understand Swedish until you pop it out. Shopkeepers, lawyers, and other con men all use daddies.

The two women blinked at me, as if they were still deciding if all that could be true. Plugging right into the brain? said the second woman. Thats horrifying.

Where are you from? I asked.

They glanced at each other. The Peoples Republic of Lorraine, said the first woman. That confirmed it: they probably had never seen a moddy-driven fool before. If you ladies wouldnt mind a piece of advice, I said, I really think youre in the wrong neighborhood. Youre definitely in the wrong bar.

Thank you, sir, said the second woman. They fluttered and squawked, scooping up their packages and bags, leaving behind their unfinished drinks, and hurried out the door. I hope they got out of the Budayeen all right.

Chiri was working behind the bar alone that night. I liked her; wed been friends a long time. She was a tall, formidable woman, her black skin tattooed in the geometric designs of raised scars worn by her distant ancestors. When she smiled which she didnt do very often her teeth flashed disturbingly white, disturbing because shed had her canines filed to sharp points. Traditional among cannibals, you know. When a stranger came into the club, her eyes were shrewd and black, as empty of interest as two bullet holes in the wall. When she saw me, though, she shot me that wide welcoming grin. Jambo! she cried. I leaned across the narrow bar and gave her a quick kiss on her patterned cheek.

Whats going on, Chiri? I said.

Njema. she said in Swahili, just being polite. She shook her head. Nothing, nothing, same goddamn boring job.

I nodded. Not much changes on the Street; only the faces. In the club were twelve customers and six girls. I knew four of the girls, the other two were new. They might stay on the Street for years, like Chiri, or they might run. Whos she? I said, nodding at the new girl on stage.

She wants to be called Pualani. You like that? Means Heavenly Flower, she says. Dont know where shes from. Shes a real girl.

I raised my eyebrows. So youll have someone to talk to now, I said.

Chiri gave me her most dubious expression. Oh, yeah, she said. You try talking to her for a while. Youll see.

That bad?

Youll see. You wont be able to avoid it. So, did you come in here to waste my time, or are you buying anything?

I looked at the digital clock blinking on the cash register behind the bar. Im meeting somebody in about half an hour.