Carolyn Zahnow - Beautiful Disasters: A Familys Journey Through Teen Depression

Published by Motivational Press, Inc.

1777 Aurora Road

Melbourne, Florida, 32935

www.MotivationalPress.com

Copyright 2017 by Carolyn C. Zahnow

All Rights Reserved

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form by any means: graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage or retrieval system without permission, in writing, from the authors, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review, article, book, or academic paper. The authors and publisher of this book and the associated materials have used their best efforts in preparing this material. The authors and publisher make no representations or warranties with respect to accuracy, applicability, fitness or completeness of the contents of this material. They disclaim any warranties expressed or implied, merchantability, or fitness for any particular purpose. The authors and publisher shall in no event be held liable for any loss or other damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages. If you have any questions or concerns, the advice of a competent professional should be sought.

Manufactured in the United States of America.

ISBN: 978-1-62865-474-5

Foreword

I have written an account of my sons life, from the period of his birth fathers death to his own death at the age of 18. It is painful for me to remember those three years, but especially the day of Camerons death.

There is nothing I would do differently if I could have a do-over during that time period, and even if I did, Im not sure what we would have done. However, having hindsight is powerful, so Im sure I would have learned more about grief and how a teen would react to a death. I would have been proactive in getting him into a support group, not just a new therapist every 6 months.

Id like to thank my family members who have helped me on this journey of recovery. My husband Dan who was in the trenches with me the whole time, my mom and dad, my siblings Kristie, who was especially sensitive to my raw emotions, and reminded me that journaling was a good idea (and probably saved me), Angela, Jacque and Tony who didnt know this was going on at the time, but supports me now.

There are also Camerons closest friends who have allowed me to use their names in order to share this story of loss. I wish nothing but happiness for them as they endured the loss of a true friend in 2005. Love and hugs to Lauren, Kelly, Zach, Everett, Chris, and Amy.

I also thank all the supporters and attendees of The Shore Grief Centers grief support groups. They have helped me even though they dont realize it.

Carolyn Zahnow, 2017

A Brief Background

B eautiful Disasters is the follow up book to Save the Teens , published in 2010. Save the Teens explained teen depression, substance abuse, and suicide, among other teen type topics. I researched all the topics that confused me after my sons death by suicide. After moving back to North Carolina, I found that I had enough material to write a book, so I did.

In this book, I share events that happened from when my sons father died until his own death in 2005. It was a fast spiral down but it seemed to last forever at the same time.

First, some of the family dynamics:

Jace Cameron Stephenson was born on May 29, 1987. His father, J.C. Stephenson and I were married for 13 years. J.C. was a musician and sometime while I was pregnant, he became involved with one of his fellow band members (a younger woman). He was on the road often, so the opportunity was there.

He ultimately left me for her when Cameron was 3 months old. This was a dreadful position to be in and I kept it a secret from my family and friends for almost a year. I felt guilty for him leaving Cameron and I and thought it must have been my fault.

J.C. still wanted to be a father to Cameron so we set up a visiting schedule. Once Cameron was about 2 years old, we did the every-other-weekend visits. I would meet J.C. halfway, in Rocky Mount, on a Friday and would retrieve Cameron on Sunday afternoon.

When Cameron was about to start 1 st grade, I enrolled in NCSU full time so I could get a good education and a better paying position to support my son with . I already had an AA degree, so earning a BA would not take too long or so I thought.

I decided it would be good for Cameron to be with his dad more, so I offered to let him live with J.C. and his new wife, Nannette. By then they had a daughter, so Cameron also had a half-sister to play with. That was a good experience for all until J.C. started seeing another woman. After that happened, he moved to Battleboro to live with a good friend, and took Cameron along. I heard later that the living conditions were not great. J.C. eventually moved back in with his wife, as did Cameron.

It was when I decided to return to college that I met my husband and he was a great support for me. We were married in 1997 and Cameron came to live with us in 1998, in Raleigh.

Unfortunately, Dan lost his job and we had to move to Texas the following year for another job. Cameron was not happy about this move but ultimately made many good friends.

Camerons dad had suffered from melanoma for several years and died when Cameron was 14, almost 15, years old. This was when the downslide started.

Cameron became depressed, irritable, lazy, and unpredictable all signs of a grieving teen. We tried to save him from every angle but in the end, nothing saved his life.

I hope youll take away a glimmer of what its like to live with a depressed teen after reading Beautiful Disasters . I also encourage you to act faster than we did if you see signs of depression in your child, or yourself, and if grief is involved, please search out a support group or a grief therapist.

Thank you for reading our story.

2001 - 2002 Freshman

T he three of us settled down in Texas and made our way pretty much. Cameron made some great friends, which made living here much better for him. He does have a knack for making friends easily, same as his dad. However, neither of them seemed to make strong bonds with many friends, just a select few.

Cameron was still somewhat chunky but a happy teen and hed pretty much do as he was told. He loved to play soccer and we kept him involved in the game since he enjoyed it.

Camerons dad, J.C., got Cameron started in soccer when he lived with him in Bear Grass. J.C. even became the coach on the team Cameron played on! This was surprising as he was never the athletic type J.C. was a musician!

Dan and I went to all the soccer games no matter where they were. Cameron didnt seem to give it his all but he enjoyed the camaraderie with the other guys.

Cameron enjoyed playing video games, like most teen boys, and was an avid gamer. His gaming partners were Everett and Chris. They would get together whenever possible, sometimes at our house, sometimes at Chris house, but always on Friday nights at Everetts house.

Music was becoming more and more important to him, and his dad even shipped him a guitar, so Cameron was learning how to play. I had already given him the guitar I got when I was in high school but never learned to play. He liked to noodle around on the guitar, yet he was never interested in taking lessons. I assumed his dad taught him some chords on his visits back to North Carolina.

Cameron also decided that having a hamster was a great pet. Of course, he was not fond of cleaning out the cage so from time to time he received help from me.

Cameron didnt mind going on trips with Dan and I, or even going out to eat. Dans hobby is cars so we took him along to car shows in the past, and he seemed to enjoy looking at the classic cars.

August 2001

Before school started, the three of us took a weekend road trip to Milwaukee, Butler, to be precise, to pick up some furniture that Dans mother was giving us. She was selling her house and downsizing before moving into an apartment. It was a good trip for us.