Rielle Hunter - What Really Happened: John Edwards, Our Daughter, and Me

We must let go of the life we have planned so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.

Joseph Campbell

I dont like to think of myself as a stupid person but I have done a lot of things in my life that were just plain stupid. Snorting cocaine is stupid. Snorting cocaine for just under a decade, desperately attempting to recreate the euphoric high from the first line ever snorted, is so far beyond stupid it may even qualify as criminal. Fortunately, I recognized this in my twenties and stopped. I then began to devote a huge amount of my time and energy to spiritual growth. I know that sounds weird to most people and Im not one of those gullible New Agetypes who believes everything any swami says, but I have always been very attracted to the idea of happiness, self-improvement, and change, which in my youth seemed to be somewhat elusive. For many years I studied astrology, went to spiritual retreats, practiced transcendental meditation and much more. Even as I was drawn to these practices, I also was somewhat skeptical. If there were a joke to be found, I would find it. And yes, while there is a lot of silliness out there, I do sincerely believe there are also a lot of positive things to be learned.

On May 4 th , 2004, it suddenly occurred to me that what I had been looking for all those years couldnt come from someone or something else. I realized that I was the source of my own happiness. It was kind of like, if in forty years of life, you had never once seen your own reflection and then one day you just simply looked in the mirror. The realization was so simple yet so weird. I think of that day as the day I woke up and started living, because there was a fundamental shift that happened in my mind and my perspective changed. Overnight, I no longer had any ongoing internal wars. I still had negative emotional reactions, but instead of hanging on to those feelings, I moved to acceptance seamlessly. It took me about two years to adapt to this new way of operating and during that time, I felt extremely high, quite similar to a high from drugs but much better. Actually way better.

Johnny and I took Quinn to school together the day after her fourth birthday. Afterward, we were standing in the kitchen while I made coffee for myself (he doesnt drink coffee). I asked him, What attracted you to me that first night? He responded, Your lightness. When you walked into the room there was a lightness about you.

When this lightness happened I (stupidly) assumed that I would do what countless others have done when waking up had happened to themI would teach. I had emerged from more than a decade of intense spiritual study as a person who was committed to being as honest and authentic as I can be with myself and to helping others to the same. I also had a knack for being able to help people see where they were stuck, and what was keeping them from being happy. Id been an actress, a producer, a filmmaker, and a writer. With my newfound lightness (accompanied with a few people asking me for guidance), teaching seemed the most logical thing for me to do next.

So on February 21 st , 2006, I was in the process of becoming a spiritual teacher, or to put it in more traditional terms, a life coach.

If I were writing this as a screenplay, here is the part where GOD (played by LENNY KRAVITZ or if Lenny is too busy touring, BONO) would ERUPT into laughter.

I mean, really, what a joke.

I was living in South Orange, New Jersey, with my best friend, Mimi Godfrey Hockman, and her two sons (and my godsons). It was late afternoon and I was getting ready to head into New York City. I remember feeling very happy. Ever since my new outlook on life had happened, my emotional state rarely varied from one of satisfaction. No matter what the circumstances were on the outside, life was just fun.

By early evening I had finished a downtown meeting with a guy from Plum TV about a TV show that never happened, and Mimi had finished getting her hair done, so we met up for dinner. As we approached Park Avenue, Mimi suggested that we stop for a drink at the Loews Regency Hotel.

I liked that idea. I had never been inside the Regency. More importantly, Mimi was in love and wanted to revisit the places that she and her boyfriend had been visiting in the city.

We walked into The Library, the Regencys street-level bar/restaurant. A waiter escorted us to a table. I looked around the room. Diagonally from me on a couch were two men sitting side by side; two more men in chairs flanked the couch. One of the guys on the couch was attractive, wearing all dark Barneys New York type of attire: leather coat, turtleneck, and jeans. He smiled at me; I smiled back. I guessed that he was in the music industry. Directly behind Mimi sat three men who appeared to be having a business meeting. The one closest to Mimi was the most attractive of the three, looking very Southern and conservative but still casual in blue jeans, a blue blazer, and no tie.

After my initial scan of the room, I drank some wine. Then my cell phone rang; it was my friend, Glory Crampton. I asked her to join us, given we were in her neighborhood. She told me she wasnt dressed for the Regency; I told her I wasnt either. (I had on jeans and a black cashmere turtleneck.) She said she would be there soon.

I spotted a guy in a blue blazer sitting directly behind Mimi. I pointed him out to her and said, He looks like someone who went to University of Virginia or someone that I showed horses with. He was very familiar to me, as if I had known him a long time ago in the South.

She turned briefly to glance at him and said, You know who that is? John Edwards.

I said, No, John Edwards is a geek. That guys got it going on.

It is. I recognize the accent.

I still didnt believe her.

We spotted an empty table and headed there since Glory would soon be joining us. It also happened to be the precise spot where Mimi and her man sat the previous week.

Seated at our new table, I was now directly facing the alleged John Edwards. He looked directly at me, not smiling. I returned his gaze, also not smiling. He rested his face in his hands and continued to glance at me during the rest of his meeting. This was weird. I knew this man. There was a strong sense of familiarity that I couldnt shake. I was intrigued because there was something so different and so very interesting about this man. This looking back and forth at each other went on for a while, and then he and the younger gentlemen got up and left.

That surprised me. I would have thought that he would have walked directly over to me and asked, Who are you? And where do I know you from? Because I know you.

Mimi said, That was definitely John Edwards.

I said, No way. John Edwards the politician is disconnected and as deep as a puddle. That man has depth and awareness.

The man they had been sitting with remained at their table. Mimi got up, walked over to him, and asked if he had been sitting with John Edwards. The man said he had.

It was him, I told you, she said to me from John Edwardss table.

Mimi sat down with the man and I joined them. We chatted briefly. He introduced himself as a lawyer and campaign donor named Tony; if he told me his last name, it didnt stick.

I cant believe that was John Edwards. He is so hot. I didnt say this in the voice of an adoring fan, but more like I was surprised to find that it was true.

Tony said, You should have come over and told him that. He would have loved to hear that.

After some pleasant small talk that included Mimi expressing a strong desire to work for John Edwards, Tony the lawyer raving about what a great guy John Edwards is, and John Edwardss uncanny ability to inspire people to want to help him wherever he goes, there was an exchange of business cards between Mimi and Tony. We went back to our table and Glory arrived. Mimi told her that she had just missed John Edwards and expressed again how much she would like to work for him. Glory seemed a bit disappointed that she had missed out. She sighed, Oh, I would have loved to meet him.