Peter Lovesey - The Case Of The Dead Wait

Christmas at home wasnt ever in Laura Thymes plans. Where was home? Shed hurled a large stone through the front window of her last one. Her two-timing cradle-snatcher of a husband Nick had blighted all the nice memories of that place. She tried to think of herself these days as a free spirit. Tried, because deep inside she hadnt entirely got the man out of her system. He still had the capacity to hurt.

Well, she was sure of one thing. She wouldnt dump herself on either of her grown-up children. They would have plans of their own, and quite right, too. If Matthew or Helena looked forward to pulling anything on Christmas Day it wasnt a cracker with their mum. They really were free spirits, long past the stage when Laura made it her business to know who they were sleeping with.

As for Rosemary-her gardening oppo, Dr. Rosemary Boxer, the ex-academic with the happy knack of finding wealthy clients with ailing plants-shed be the perfect company for a festive lunch, but she had an elderly mum living alone. Last weekend Rosemary had called to wish Laura a merrier time than she was expecting for herself.

The result: Laura was house-sitting.

She was alone in The Withers, a large Jacobean house in Wiltshire. Two of her oldest and richest friends, Jane and Michael Eadington, were having three weeks in the Canaries. A call at the end of November had set it up. Were in such trouble, Laura. You know weve got these silly orchids that are Mikes latest hobby? Our daughter Maeve-the model-was going to look after them and now shes got a chance to do a series of shows with Calvin Klein in New York. Could you, would you, will you, please, be our fairy godmother?

Sorted.

Even after discovering that the house had another resident-Wilbur, the rescue greyhound.

Shed driven the Land Rover down there on Christmas Eve. For all its mechanical uncertainties, the ancient 4x4 was ideal transport for the country. She overheated only once, and the car didnt overheat at all. She was just in time to see the Eadingtons off. A quick introduction to the orchids, six trays of them in the conservatory under banks of fluorescent tubing. Hurried instructions about the central heating, persuading Wilbur to wear a coat for winter walks, and what to do in a power failure. Firm orders not to be in the least concerned if anything broke or went wrong. Its all replaceable, darling. Were just so pleased to have you here. Treat it like your own home. Raid the freezer, watch the DVDs, drink the wine in the cellar, have an orgy if you want.

For a few minutes after theyd driven up the lane Laura wondered if shed done the right thing. The house seemed bigger than she remembered from the last visit. Shed never once set foot upstairs. The orchids were in flower, but didnt look pleased at being handed over to her care. Winter was supposed to be the flowering season, but some of them were wilting. Mike had talked about misting and humidity levels and feeding. She didnt want any casualties. She returned to the vast space the Eadingtons used as the living room.

A sudden movement at the window gave her a wicked shock. The greyhound had emerged from behind the curtain, where hed been sitting on the sill. Yes, a greyhound on a window sill. It was that kind of room, that kind of window, that kind of curtain. Im in charge now, Wilbur, she told him, wagging a finger, and if the two of us are going to survive youd better not play any more tricks like that.

Treat the place like your home, theyd said, so she took out her Christmas cards and started setting them up. The cards triggered mixed feelings. It was good to hear from old friends, but it could hurt when the envelopes came addressed to Nick and Laura with messages along the lines of How are you two getting along? Give us a call and lets all meet up in 2007.

Wilbur jumped back on his sill and knocked down most of the cards.

Making some kind of point, are we? Laura said. But she moved them to the grand piano.

When the doorbell rang a moment later, the rest of the cards dropped out of her hand. It was a chiming bell and her charming friends had set it to the opening bar of God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen, which can be pretty startling when you dont expect it. Wilbur barked, so she had to shut him in the conservatory first.

A tall-six foot tall, at least-thin-faced woman with deep-set, accusing eyes was on the doorstep with a plate covered with a cloth. And who the devil are you? she said.

Laura did her best to explain, but it didnt make much impact.

Wheres young Maeve? She ought to be looking after the house, the woman said.

Yes, but shes dashed off to New York. A last-minute change of plans.

What do I do with these, then? I made them for the family. She lifted the cloth briefly to reveal a batch of underdone mince pies.

I dont know, Laura said; adding with tact, They smell delicious. Im sorry, but you didnt say who you are.

Gertrude Appleton from next-door. We always exchange mince pies at Yuletide. Have you made yours?

I just arrived.

That didnt count with Gertrude Appleton. She clicked her tongue and looked ready to stamp her foot as well. I must have one of yours, or Ill get bad luck for a year.

Why?

Its Wiltshire custom, isnt it? You eat a pie on each of the twelve days of Christmas, and every one has to be baked by a different friend. Then, if the Lord is merciful, youll survive to see another Christmas. Bless my soul, there isnt anyone else I can ask.

Youd better step inside a moment, Laura said, not wanting to panic this woman and playing for time while she thought about ways to resolve the problem.

No, I wont come in, Gertrude Appleton said, and those fierce eyes were suddenly red at the edges and starting to water. I dont know you from Adam. Couldnt call thee a friend.

Lets be friends. Why not? Its the season for it, Laura said, dredging deep to sound convivial. Listen, Gertrude, why dont I do some baking right now and make some pies for you?

But you wont have mincemeat.

Im positive all the ingredients must be in the kitchen. Jane adores cooking, as you know.

Gertrude raised her chin in a self-righteous way. Mine was made with the puddings four weeks ago, the week after Stir-up Sunday.

Stirrup what?

Stir-up Sunday. Havent you heard of that? The last Sunday before Advent. Thats when you make your puddings and mince, after the collect for the day: Stir up, we beseech thee, O Lord, the wills of thy people.

This was getting more and more weird.

In that case, Jane may have made hers already, Laura said. Ill check. One way or another, youll get a mince pie from me, Gertrude. Depend upon it.

Take these, then. Gertrude thrust the plate towards her. Youll need some for the waits.

Laura had a mental picture of old-fashioned kitchen scales, with her mince pie being weighed against Gertrudes and found wanting.

The carollers. They come round every Christmas Eve, and they always want a bite to eat and mulled wine, too, the boozy lot. I must be off. I have seasonal jobs to do. Theres greenfly and aphids in the greenhouse.

Youre a gardener? Laura said with interest.

Ha! She tossed her head. Am I a gardener? I wouldnt bother to go on without my garden. Its the saving of me.

I do some gardening, too. What are you going to do about the aphids-spray them?

Gertrude looked shocked. I dont hold with chemicals. No, Ill smoke the varmints out, like I always do.

Fumigation? Effective, I expect, though Ive never tried it, Laura said.

Ive got these magical smoke things, like little strips of brown paper. Had them for years. Just close up all the windows and seal the cracks and set light to they strips. Let it blaze for a while, and then I stamp it out so they can smoulder. Soon as the smoke appears Im out of there quicker than hell would scorch a feather and shut the door behind me. When I go in again, theres not a greenfly left to say it ever happened.