James Chase - Miss Callaghan Comes to Grief

IT WAS A HOT night. Ovenheat that baked the sweat out of the body and played hell with the dogs. It had been hot all day, and now the sun had gone down the streets still held the stifling heat.

Phillips of the St. Louis Banner sat in a remote corner of the Press Club getting good and drunk. He was a long, thin bird, with melancholy eyes and lank, unruly hair. Franklin, a visiting reporter, thought he looked like a bum poet.

Phillips dragged down his tie and undid his collar. The long highball slopped a little as he groped to put it on the table. He said, What a night! Whats the time, Franky?

Franklin, his face white with exhaustion and his eyes heavy and redlidded, peered at the face of his watch. Just after twelve, he said, letting his head fall back with a thud on the leather padding of his chair.

After twelve, huh? Phillips shifted uneasily. Thats bad. Thats dug my grave good and deep. Know what I should be doin right now?

Franklin had to make an effort to shake his head.

I gotta date to meet a dame tonight, Phillips told him, blotting his face and neck with his handkerchief.

Right now that babe is waiting for me. Is she goin to be mad?

Franklin groaned.

Franky, pal, I couldnt do it. Its a low trick, but not on a night like this. No, sir, I couldnt do it.

Break it up, Franklin pleaded, scooping sweat out of his neckband. I want to freeze myself to death in a big refrigerator.

Phillips raised himself slowly. A look of faint animation came over his thin face. Drunkenly, he patted Franklin on his back. Youve got somethin there, he said. Gee! The guys got brains. Ive been doin you dirt. Boy, youve certainly got somethin there!

Franklin pushed him away. Sit down, he said crossly; youre tight.

Phillips shook his head solemnly. Come on, bud, youve given me an idea.

I aint moving. Im staying right here.

Phillips grabbed his arm and hauled him out of the chair. Im goin to save your life, he said. Well take a cab an spend the night in the morgue.

Franklin gaped at him. Wait a minute, he said. I aint goin to sleep with a lotta stiffs. Youre crazy.

Aw, come on. What the hell? Stiffs aint goin to worry you. Think how cold itll be.

Franklin wavered. Yeah, he said, clinging to the table, but I dont like it. Think you can get in?

Phillips leered. Sure I can get in. Know the guy there. Hes a good guy. He wont mind. Now come on, lets get goin.

Franklins face suddenly brightened. Sure, he said; it aint such a bad idea. Lets go.

Out in the street they flagged a taxi. The driver looked at them suspiciously. Where? he demanded, not believing his ears.

Phillips shoved Franklin into the cab. The County Morgue, he repeated patiently. Were passin in our pails. This is just a matter of convenience, see, buddy?

The driver climbed off his box. Now listen, pal, he said, you guys dont want the morgue. You wantta go home. Just you take it easy. Im useta handlin drunks. You leave it to me. Where do you live? Now, come on. Ill have you in bed before you know it.

Phillips peered at him, then put his head inside the cab. Hi, Franky, this guy wants to go to bed with me.

Do you like him? Franky asked.

Phillips turned his head and looked at the driver. I dont know. He seems all right.

The driver wiped his face with his sleeve. Now listen, you guys, he said pleadingly, I aint said nuttin about gettin into bed wid youse.

Phillips climbed into the cab. Hes changed his mind, he said mournfully. Ive got a mind to slosh him in the puss.

Well, maybe youre lucky. I thought hed got a foxy smell about him. I dont think youdve liked that.

The driver came close to the window. Where to, boss? he asked, in what he thought was a soothing voice. This aint the time to fool around. Its too goddam hot.

The County Morgue, Phillips said, leaning out of the window. Dont you understand? Thats the one cold spot in this burg, an were headin for it.

The driver shook his head. Youd never make it, he said; they wouldnt let you in.

Who said? Theyll let me in all right. I know the guy there.

That on the level? Could you get me in too, boss?

Sure. I could get anyone in there. Dont stand around usin up air. Get to it.

Franklin was asleep when they got to the morgue. Phillips hauled him into the hot street and stood supporting him. He said to the driver, What are you goin to do with the heap?

I guess Ill leave it here. Itll be all right.

They stumbled into the morgue, making a considerable row. The attendant was reading a newspaper behind a counter that divided the room from the vaults. He looked up, startled.

Phillips said, Hyah, Joe, meet a couple of buddies.

Joe laid down his newspaper. What the hells this?

Were spendin the night here, Phillips said. Just look on us as three stiffs.

Joe climbed to his feet. His big fleshy face showed just how mad he was. Youre all drunk, he said. You better scram outta here. I aint got time to horse around with you boys now.

The driver began to edge towards the door, but Phillips stopped him. Listen, Joe, he said; who was the swell dame I saw you with last night?

Joes eyes popped. You didnt see me with no dame last night, he said uneasily.

Phillips smiled. Dont talk bull. She was a dame with a chest that oughta have a muzzle on it, an a pair of stems that cause street accidents. Gee! What a jane! He turned to the other two. You aint seen nothin like it. When I thought of that guys poor wife, sittin around at home doin nothin, while this runt goes places with a hot number like that, I tell you, it got me.

Joe undid the counter-bolt and pulled back the little door. Okay, he said wearily, go on down. Its a goddam lie, an you know it, but I aint takin chances. The old woman would just like to believe that yarn.

Phillips grinned. Down we go, boys, he said.

They followed him down a long flight of marble steps. At the bottom there came to them a faint musty odour of decomposition. As Phillips pushed open a heavy steel door the pungent smell of formaldehyde was very strong. They all entered a large room.

The sudden icy atmosphere was almost too violent after the outside heat.

Franklin said, Jeeze! Theres hoar frost formin on my chest hairs.

On one side of the room were four long wooden benches. Round the other three walls were rows of black metal cabinets.

Phillips said, If you dont think about it youd never know there were a lotta stiffs in those cabinets. I like comin here. I jest sit around an cool off, an it dont worry me at all.

The driver took off his greasy cap and began twisting it in his hands. That where they keep the corpses? he said, his voice sinking to a whisper.

Phillips nodded. He went over to one of the benches and laid down. Thats right, he said. You dont have to think about that. Just settle down an go to sleep.

With his eyes on the cabinets the driver sat down gingerly. Franklin stood hesitating.

I wonder if Joe would stand for me phonin my girl friend to come on down, Phillips said sleepily. He shook his head. No, I guess he wouldnt stand for it. He sighed a little and settled himself more comfortably.

Franky, put that light out, will you? Its tryin my eyes.

Franklin said, If you think Im goin to stay here in the dark, youre crazy. This place gives me the heebies.

I dont mind stayin here so long as I can see those cabinets, but in the darkwhy, hell, Id be thinkin they might be gettin out an lookin me over.

Phillips sat up. What you mean, gettin out? How the hell can a stiff do a thing like that?

Im not sayin that theyd do it. Im sayin what I think they might be doin.

Dont be a nut. Phillips swung his feet off the bench and got up. Now Ill show you somethin. Lets have a look at some of these guys.