Anne Perry - Blind Justice

Hester let the Hansom cab pass, then crossed Portpool Lane and went in through the door to the clinic for sick and injured prostitutes.

Ruby saw her and her scarred face lit up with welcome.

Is Miss Raleigh in? Hester asked.

Rubys shoulders slumped. Yes, maam, but she dont look right. I thought as she were andmade for the job, like, but this mornin youda thought shed got left at the altar. All weepin an cant believe it, like.

Hester was stunned. When she had hired Josephine a few weeks earlier, the girl had said she was not courting and had no intention of giving up nursing in any imaginable future.

Where is she? Do you know? she asked.

We got someone in all beat up, blood everywhere. Shell be seein to er, Ruby replied. That were alf an hour ago, mind.

Thank you. Hester went through the far door and along the passageway, asking after Josephine each time she encountered someone. In the old pantry where they kept medical supplies she finally found her, moving between the shelves, counting and sorting. She was a pretty girl, perhaps too much character in her face to be conventionally beautiful. Now her cheeks were stained with tears, her eyes were blank, and her lips were pressed so tight the muscles were visible along her jaw and in her neck. It was clear that she did not even hear Hester come in.

Hester closed the door to give them complete privacy before she spoke. As always, she was direct. Medicine, she had found, was not an art that allowed for much roundabout conversation.

Whats wrong? she asked gently.

Startled, Josephine swung round to face Hester. She was blinking rapidly as the uncontrolled tears slid down her face.

Im sorry. Ill Ill be all right in a moment. She was clearly ashamed at being caught giving way to her distress, whatever it was.

Hester put her hand ever so gently on Josephines arm. Something must be very wrong for you to be so upset by it. Youve seen terrible wounds and nursed the dying. Something that hurts you so much isnt going to be dealt with in a few minutes. Tell me what it is.

Josephine shook her head. You cant help with this, she answered, her voice choking in her throat. I I need to work. Really

Hester did not loosen her grip.

Theres nothing that anyone can do, Josephine repeated, still attempting to pull away.

Hester hesitated. Would it be intrusive if she insisted? She liked this young woman on a deep, instinctive level; she reminded Hester of herself, years ago. And Hester knew exactly the pain and loneliness one felt when starting out in the profession. She had felt the overwhelming sense of helplessness that comes when witnessing the realities of physical agony and death, the moment when things go beyond anyones reach and all you can do is watch. All that, on top of the ordinary heartache of life and youth-it had been a difficult burden to bear when she was younger. Even now, at times.

Tell me anyway, she said gently.

Josephine hesitated, and then straightened herself with an effort. She swallowed hard and fished for a handkerchief to blow her nose.

Hester waited, leaving the door closed. No one else could come in without a key.

My mother died a long time ago, Josephine began. My father and I have become very close. She took a deep breath and tried to keep her voice level, almost emotionless, as if she were recounting figures in a calculation, something with no personal weight. He has been going to a Nonconformist church for just over a year now. He found many friends among the congregation. He said there was a degree of warmth in it that appealed to him more than the ritual of the Church of England, which he found cold. She swallowed hard again.

Hester did not interrupt. So far there was nothing odd, let alone disastrous, in what Josephine was saying. She hadnt known Josephine long, but the girl did not strike her as the type to care exactly which religion her father followed, as long as it was broadly Christian, so that couldnt be the cause of her distress.

Josephine took another shaky breath. He told me that they do a great deal of good work, both here in England and abroad. They need money to provide food, medicines, clothes, and so on, for those in desperate circumstances. She searched Hesters face for understanding.

It sounds a very Christian thing to do. Hester filled in the silence. Then a thought occurred to her. Oh dear-did your father discover that was not what they were using the money for?

Josephine looked startled. Oh no! No, it wasnt that. They just they wanted so much! They pressured him for more and more. He is not a wealthy man, but he always speaks well, dresses well if you know what I mean? Perhaps they thought he was wealthier than he is

Hester began to understand where this might lead.

Josephine was watching her intently now. Her voice wavered. They kept on asking him, and he was embarrassed to decline. It isnt easy to say you cant afford any more, especially when they tell you people are starving, and you know that you can eat whenever you wish, even if it is a modest meal.

Hester looked at the pain in the young womans face, in her eyes, at the clenched hands gripping the handkerchief. She seemed frightened, embarrassed, and racked with sadness.

They pressed him into giving them much more than he could afford? Hester asked quietly.

Josephine nodded, her jaw clenched hard to help her control the emotion that welled up inside her.

Is the debt serious? Hester continued.

Josephine nodded again, the hopelessness clear in her face. She looked down, as if to avoid the condemnation she obviously expected to see in Hesters eyes.

Hester was overwhelmed by a sudden, wrenching memory of her own father, as she had seen him before she left for the Crimea, a dozen years ago, when this young woman was but a child. He had been so proud of her, seeing her off on a noble enterprise. She could smell the salt on the wind again, hear the gulls crying and the creak of ropes as the ship rose and fell, straining against its moorings.

That was the last time she had ever seen him. The reasons for his falling into debt had been different than Mr. Raleighs reasons, even if they had also been tied to his compassion and sense of honor; but the pain his debt caused his family was the same. He too had been pressured and then cheated. The shame of it had caused him to take his own life. Hester had been away in the Crimea, nursing men she did not even know, and her family had faced that grief without her. Her mother had been almost unable to bear it and died shortly after the news of her second sons death in the Crimea reached her.

Hester had arrived home in England to face her one remaining brothers bereavement and his fury that she had not been there when she was so badly needed, that she had spent her time and her pity on strangers instead.

They were still distant, no more between them than the occasional exchange of Christmas cards, the odd stiff letter in formal language now and then.

Hester understood sorrow, guilt, helplessness, and the lethal burden of debt more intimately than Josephine Raleigh could have imagined.

She realized that Josephine was gazing at her now, confused. She felt foolish for drifting off into her own memories.

Im sorry, she said gently. I was thinking of someone I loved someone who also suffered, in a similar way. I wasnt able to help him because I was in the Crimea with the army. I didnt come home until it was too late. How deep is your fathers debt?

Very, Josephine said quietly. Much more than he can pay. Ive given him everything I have, but its far too late. And I cant earn enough to- She stopped. There was no point in explaining what was so obvious.

Hesters mind raced, searching for something to say that might help; her painful memories still churned, the hopelessness, the despair of being too late to help, and the ache she still felt to turn back time and do everything differently. When she spoke her voice was husky. I imagine these people ask every member of the congregation whom they think might have anything to give to donate?