Diane Baumer [Baumer - Lina

Diane Baumer

Lina

2018, Diane Baumer

Title of the Spanish version: Lina

2018, Diane Baumer

Cover photo: SelfPubBookCovers.com/sarahbooks

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To the opposite side.

From the obsessional way she was staring at her cell phone, it could be inferred that Lina Maldonado was determined to make it ring with the power of her mind. Franois, Franois, Franois Uneasily, the pianist rested her head on the dresser. Something serious must have happened to him; otherwise, he would be here. Anyone in their right mind wouldnt just disappear, especially Franois, who is well aware of my mental weakness.

Five minutes later, she sent a text as distressing as her previous eleven messages If you are reading this, I beg you to write back, please. Its almost time. The concert is about to begin. Where are you? I hope youre safe and sound. My brain keeps picturing worst-case scenarios. Im on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I love you. Actually, I love you more than my own life .

The attendant knocked on the door of the dressing room. Lina stood with a start. I hope this is Franois. Please... Franois, Franois, Franois...

Hello?

Your audience is already coming in, Miss Maldonado.

Ill be right out for them. Thank you.

She tried to compose herself and get the worst omens out of her mind. It was not the first time he was late. Franois did not have a reputation for punctuality, especially lately. Little remained of the friendly art market financial advisor she had fallen in love with. He claims to be the same man, just with a greater workload. He keeps saying that everything is nothing but my imagination. However, I have the feeling I should probably be listening to the echoes of an extinct sound. Well, right now that doesnt really matter. I just hope he is still alive. I dont want to love another dead person. Didnt I receive enough punishment for daring to come into this world despite my weakness? I should calm down. I need to. Why do I keep focusing on a worst-case scenario? He may not hear his cell phone because of the traffic noise. Franois is sick of telling me that I must learn to live without so much drama.

Her gaze paused at the mirror for a little while. The withered woman with a bitter grin seemed mostly obnoxious. I look so awful Even myself, I would flee someone looking like that! What did he see in me?

The pianist rehearsed a smile to welcome him decently as he turned up sooner or later Franois would show up, indeed. It was meant to be like this, or else she would go insane. I just can grimace, like a patient in a mental hospital. Imagine my ridiculous facial gestures as my hands are playing That would be so embarrassing I still hope it will be otherwise.

She shared her deepest contempt with the woman in the mirror. You look so lame and pathetic

Was there a school where people could learn how to walk around the world happily, no matter what? Could there possibly be a surgeon capable of removing melancholy from the soul? What were the sort of burdens that could really grieve ones right mind?

Since Im unable to banish these insane thoughts, Id rather ignore them.

In disbelief, Franois would react to her endeavors to explain that her discernment was often wandering inevitably toward the edge of sanity. He could not wrap his mind around a successful woman who was unable to keep her absurd ideas at bay.

His reasoning was undeniable, yet untrue.

Lina took a deep breath, held the air inside for a few seconds, and, once her muscles released all tension forcibly, gradually emptied her rib cage. Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three... Oh no! Franois! Franois! Did you have a deadly heart attack? She breathed in. A few seconds pause and... Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one... No! No, please! I hope nothing serious happened to him. If so, I would hold on to his lifeless body until I also died.

She tried to bridle her imagination. I should channel all these negative thoughts. Why couldnt he possibly be late simply because he is angry?

Maybe I said something inappropriate before he rushed home. Yes, that must have been the case. Should I text him about it?

The pianist hesitated as she held her cell phone. I just cant text him, Hey! Are you not answering because you died, or just trying to give me a little hard time? That would make me sound pretty awful, like an unbalanced person. To be honest, it makes no sense for him to mess with my sanity just before a concert. After all, Franois Remy is my manager. Did he really leave home in anger, or was he just faking it to avoid feeling uneasy about myself? Or maybe for none of these reasons? What did I say? It couldnt have been that bad, right? Are you going out now? Where? You wont make it to the auditorium! Franois frowned, not answering. He never gives a reason for anything. Who knows if I was already distraught Thats what stresses him out most. I need to stop. Its over. I wont give another single thought to this .

She held a tranquilizer in her hand, not daring to take it. Sedatives dont do any good to a musician when it comes to playing. I need to be strong. As soon as he shows up, I will relax, and all this anxiety will be gone.

Surely enough, Franois speedy leave was a sign that a crucial issue was calling on him. Something compelling and sudden an hour before that, he had been checking the car ignition as usual. Everything is a little weird. Being such an unpredictable man, yet unforeseen situations get on his nerves.

The pianist grabbed the pill again , put it under her tongue, hesitated, and eventually regretted it. What if my mind goes blank? Id better spit it out.

Her hands were sweating. Deep in her thoughts, Lina began to coat them in talcum powder compulsively. I just didnt expect him to go away so suddenly. It was almost time to leave for the auditorium! Hence my anxiety. I was barely able to contain myself.

The powder made her chain-sneeze. She remembered reading somewhere about talcum powder being a good ant repellent. That must be the reason behind my reaction, she told herself using some contemptuous mordacity.

As the pianist was laying eyes on her whitened hands, an irrational fear overcame her. They look starched. I just need to rinse them, I need to rinse them...

As she was holding the wastebasket between her legs, Lina poured the bottled mineral water over her hands. Look at that puddle she thought in embarrassment after watering the floor. My hands were just looking like being in a plaster cast, so stiff... Im not sure what that was. What an awful feeling

The wretched woman spread tissues all over the spilled water. Im in desperate need of him. My mind will go crazy waiting for him, him, HIM

Lina wondered if her words had sounded like a reproach. Are you going out now? Where? You wont get to the auditorium on time! Definitely not. Her tone had been rather that of a plea. You wont make it to the auditorium! No, it had not been a supplication either. Are you going to leave now? However, it had felt overwhelming. Wow! Franois Remy hated pathos She envied the kind of person who would blurt something out to their partner self-confidently. Are you going out now? But she was not like that. Im not funny. No matter how careful Im with my words, I keep making him mad.