Audrey Phillips Cox - Stop Enabling Drug Addicts and Alcoholics

Stop Enabling

Drug Addicts

and Alcoholics

Enabling an addict is a harmful type ofbehavior if it keeps the addict from facing the consequences oftheir choices. Consequences are necessary to change badbehavior.

AUDREY PHILLIPSCOX

Copyright 2017 by AudreyPhillips

Revised 2018 by AudreyPhillips Cox

All rights reserved. Nopart of this book which is covered by the copy-right laws may be reproducedor copied in any form or by any means whether graphic, electronically ,mechanical, or by photocopying, taping or information storage andretrieval system without the written permission of theauthor.

APCWriter & Publisher

www.audrey-phillips-cox.com

CONTENTS:

NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR

I have written this bookto hopefully wake up some well-meaning people who are sometimes referred to as codependent/enablers of an alcoholic or adrug addict.

Many enablers cannotunderstand how helping a person in need can sometimes be harmfulbehavior in that it keeps anaddict from maturing into responsibleindividuals by not allowing them to suffer the consequences oftheir behavior. Consequences serve to change a personsbehavior.

While the beginning pagesof this book deals with the psychology and medical aspects ofaddictive behavior, the remainder of the book has true stories of addicts and enablers experiences living as an addictor an enabler who tries to help an addict in need. The names havebeen changed to provide privacy and prevent embarrassment for thecharacters in these stories. Some stories are told in first person POV andothers in third person POV, according to how I have received orlearned of the story.

While this book is not affiliated with Al-Anon, Nar-Anon or any organization that deals withcodependent/enabling behavior, I have a similar goal: to provideinformation and support for anyone suffering from the negative consequences of enabling an alcoholic or drugaddict.

I have deliberately keptthe pages in this book to a minimum because I feel that most peopledo not want to wade through a lot of medical terms, that onlymedical people can comprehend, to obtain some coveted informationabout enabling behavior .

What does co-dependency mean? For whateverreason, a person who needs to be needed couples up with anaddict who needs someone to help them survive their addiction,and this creates a co-dependency relationship. However, I will useenabling throughout this book.

I would like to encouragethe reader to seek out articles and other books by authorsthat contain additional information to broaden his/her knowledge aboutenabling behavior . Knowledge is a powerful toolin dealing with this complex problem that is affecting so manypeople in the world.

While I have a Bachelor ofScience Degree in Nursing and some clinical experience in dealingwith addicts and also dealing with addicts in my private life, Ihave done some extensive online research for this book.

I have copied and pastedvaluable information from some websites into this book. However,the websites have far more information than I can quote in thisbook, so I encourage the reader to explore the websites indepth.

In publishing the truestories, I have taken my writers artistic license to re-word thestories slightly for clarity while preserving the fundamental truth and meaning of their words. I have included addictstories for enablers to see how an addict thinks once they are ensnared by theiraddiction, and vice-versa why an addictuses an enabler. Hopefully, these real stories will turn on a light bulband evoke a moment where the reader says to him/herself,Ah-ha!

DEFIN ITION OF AN ENABLER

As per www.merriam-webster.com : One thatenables another to achieve an end; especially: one who enables anotherto persist in self-destructive behavior (as substance abuse) byproviding excuses or by helping that individual avoid theconsequences of such behavior .

Helping (enabling) aperson too much (an over-the-top type of support )inhibits the persons ability to develop strong qualities that includemoral values, the capacity tofeel compassion, good survival skills, andmore. Sometimes, a person must be challenged to survivehardships to develop an inner strength that will keep them from turninginto an addict.

Hopefully, through theinformation provided in this book, plus the "true stories" of bothaddicts and enablers contained in this book, enablers willwake up to the fact that helping an addict too much is adysfunctional form of behavior. When an addict is provided too much support by amisguided but well-meaning enabler, it diminishes an addict'smotivation to give up their addiction and learn how to survive ontheir own; therefore, it hinders them from developing into a matureand responsible person.

As per www.psychcentral.com : Enabling prevents the person engaging in destructive behaviorfrom feeling or experiencing the consequences of his own actions, says Psych Central. This can be extremelydamaging as negative consequences are usuallythe driving force behind change. Enabling actually prevents theperson from changing and can prolong the duration of an addictionor similar illness .

At this point, I want toremind readers that alcoholics and drug addicts are ordinary peoplewho never set out to be addicts. They may find themselves unable tocope with the many stresses encountered in life: a bad marriage, ademanding boss, an unruly, rebellious teenager, financial problems,and more.

One or two drinksmay temporarily help them to deal with their problems but wake upone day and find themselves ensnared by a chemical that has takenover their lives. In some cases, they mayturn to drugs or alcohol for no reason at all. Before judgingsomeones addiction, one should consider: But for the grace of God, there goes I.

Once a person becomes anaddict, their attitude and outlook on life usually changes dramatically; therefore, their behavior negatively affectseveryone around them, especially family and friends who have aclose relationship with him/her.

It is said that one addictnegatively impacts the lives of at least ten other people,sometimes causing irreparable psychological damage that hinders theenabler(s) from achieving their optimum level of well-being.It s hard for someone with an enabling personality to see how providinghelp can be harmful to an addict.

In obtaining my BSN innursing degree, one of my semesters were allotted to learning aboutpsychiatric nursing, including addictions. Post-graduation, Ialso acquired some experience in the psychiatric field, including addictions , byworking in a couple of mental facilities.

Although I had a "bookknowledge" about addictions and codependency, I have spent manyyears enabling several addicts in my personal life. I couldn't seemto translate this book knowledge into action regarding mydysfunctional behavior. In other words, I could "talk the talk,"but I could not "walk the walk." However, after many wasted years,I have finally seen the light, and I am now a recovered"enabler."