Mathew Boggs - Project Everlasting: Two Bachelors Discover the Secrets of Americas Greatest Marriages

A charming couple in their early sixties sits side by side in chairs. Expressions polite but skeptical, they watch as two young guys prepare for the interview, one loading a fresh tape into his video camera, the other scanning through a lengthy list of questions in his notebook.

The wife gets up to offer their guests more coffee. The husband clears his throat. So you want to know all about our marriage, do you? he asks the visitors.

Yes, sir. We do.

Remind me again, youre marriage therapists?

Not exactly.

Doing academic research?

No, sir.

And youre writing a book

Yes, sir.

And you are married, arent you?

No, sir, we hope to be someday, but these days, it seems like a risky venture.

Hmmmbachelors writing a marriage manual

Yes, sir. And were seeking advice from the experts.

Then the camera begins to roll

My favorite movie growing up was Walt Disneys animated Robin Hood I watched it about a zillion times. Why? Because only a hero as cunning and courageous and charming as Robin Hood could get a girl like Maid Marian.

Oh, Maid Marian. (I understand that shes a cartoon fox, but shes a smokin cartoon fox.) She had a sweet, contagious laugh that made me melt. She played badminton (extra points for being athletic). My heart literally pounded when Robin Hood and Maid Marian took a midnight stroll behind a waterfall.

Robin may have had to win his archery competition against the sheriff to get a kiss, but love conquers all, right? At age ten, thats what I believed. Never for a moment did I doubt the existence of everlasting love or my ability to obtain it. Happily ever afterisnt that what everyone wants?

Cut to several years later. I was studying for my ninth-grade biology test when my moms voice broke the silence. Family meeting, she announced. This meant one of two things: Someone had either done something really right or really wrong. My family is full of overachievers, so I was more accustomed to celebrations than bad news. The second I stepped into the living room, however, I knew we wouldnt be celebrating anytime soon.

My sister sat on one end of our couch, my parents on the other. Mom was crying. She wiped away her tears and looked at me with eyes that said, No matter what, youll be okay. This only worried me more. Dad, the consummate clown and entertainer, was expressionless. My parents did not touch.

My mom said, Your dad and I have something to tell youwere getting a divorce.

My stomach went into zero gravity and my sister burst into tears. Several of my friends had gone through this, but their parents were completely different from mine. Their parents screamed and threw plates at one another. Divorce was a godsend to those friends, not a tragedy. My parents split came with no warning as far as I was concerned. Theyd been married twenty-seven years and seemed like the happiest couple in the world. I love you, theyd tell each other, and I believed them.

My mothers words obliterated everything I believed about love. Both my parents had betrayed me.

Lying in bed that night, my thoughts swirled so violently I became dizzy. Memories of my parents kissing and hugging, laughing, telling me over and over again, We are soul mates, Mat, seemed like a mirage. How could this happen? How could they have lied to me?

Like most children of divorce, I was soon forced to make a decision: live out of a suitcase or pick a parent. I chose the suitcase. Every other weekend brought the bitter reminder that my home had been ripped in half. I felt turned inside out. Nothing felt familiar. The future loomed like a thick fog. What will happen to Christmas? Birthdays? Thanksgiving?

The divorce consumed all of our lives. I hated my mom for leaving my dad and I let her know it. I hated my dad for not being able to make my mom happy and I let him know it. I wanted my parents to love each other again. I wanted my family back, but it was hopeless. Apparently a commitment to forever lasted only until you changed your mind.

Thirteen years later, I was finishing my masters degree in education. My girlfriend and I were going through a nasty breakup. This relationship had lasted almost a year, a record for me.

My mom called from Portland to let me know my grandfather had been diagnosed with terminal cancer. Grandpa Jack dying? It didnt seem possible. Id loved that warm, generous man for as long as I could remember and somehow thought hed be around forever.

Youll be home soon, my mom said. You need to spend some time with your grandparents, maybe arrange a date each week.

Hang out with the grandparents? Of course I would. Its just that my scheduleIve got a lot on my plateDont get me wrong. When I was little, I idolized Grandma Dorothy and Grandpa Jack. They lived in a world of Mickey Mouse pancakes, a garden with candy hidden in it, and endless supplies of homemade cookies. They told funny stories about the olden days and thought everything I said was clever and important. They treated me like a little prince, and there was no place better than Gram and Grampss house to find a warm hug.

My grandparents had always seemed old to me, but in a good, twinkly kind of way. In recent years, however, Id found myself restlessly tapping my foot as I waited for them to put on their coats. They moved slowly, and I was in a perpetual hurry. I found it hard to sit through a two-hour lunch while Grandpa chewed each mouthful forty-four times and talked about the childhood friend who just died, especially when I had a ten-page term paper due.

Grandpa and Grandma were quaint and sweet and I loved them, but somewhere along the way my adoration had turned to tolerance. They listened politely but blankly when I talked about buying a laptop. And I could hardly share my girlfriend troubles with Gram and Gramps. They were the product of a bygone era. It had been, what, nearly sixty years since they had fallen in love? They probably didnt even remember what it felt like. In their day, people married for life because they didnt have a choice. Husbands worked, wives stayed home, and divorce was taboo. Even if a wife wanted out, how could she support herself? Now that couples can split up, they doin droves. For my grandparents generation, it seemed to me that marriage had become a habit that just took too much effort to break. But despite the fact that we lived on two different planets, they were still my grandparents.