Harlan Ellison - Love, Death and Robots. Volumes 2 & 3

This book is a collection of stories from writers all over the world.

For authenticity and voice, we have kept the style of English native to each authors location, so some stories will be in UK English, and others in US English.

We have, however, changed dashes and dialogue marks to our standard format for ease of understanding.

This book is a work of fiction.

All people, places, events, demons, vat-grown warrior beasts, various other creatures, and situations are the product of the authors imaginations.

Any resemblance to persons, living, dead, or in between, is purely coincidental.

SNAFU: An Anthology of Military Horror

eds Geoff Brown & Amanda J Spedding

SNAFU: Wolves at the Door

eds Geoff Brown & Amanda J Spedding

SNAFU: Survival of the Fittest

eds Geoff Brown & Amanda J Spedding

SNAFU: Hunters

eds Amanda J Spedding & Geoff Brown

SNAFU: Future Warfare

eds Amanda J Spedding & Geoff Brown

SNAFU: Unnatural Selection

eds Amanda J Spedding & Geoff Brown

SNAFU: Black Ops

eds Amanda J Spedding, Matthew Summers & Geoff Brown

SNAFU: Resurrection

eds Amanda J Spedding & Matthew Summers

SNAFU: Last Stand

eds Amanda J Spedding & Matthew Summers

SNAFU: Medivac

eds Amanda J Spedding, Geoff Brown & Matthew Summers

SNAFU: Holy War

eds Amanda J Spedding & Geoff Brown

Love, Death and Robots Volume 1

eds Amanda J Spedding & Geoff Brown

Thank you for calling the customer service line of Vacuubot, purveyors of Americas finest automated vacuum cleaners! In order to more efficiently handle call volume, we rely on automated responses. To continue in English, press one. Para Espanol o prima dos.

Lets continue in English. Which Vacuubot product are you calling about? For the Vacuubot S10 model, press one. For the Vacuubot XL model, press two. For the Vacuubot Extreme Clean model, press three.

Congratulations on owning the Vacuubot Extreme Clean Model, Americas most thorough and comprehensive automated vacuum cleaning solution! If you need to order additional components for the Extreme Clean, press one. If you have a repair query, press two. For all other questions, press three.

You have additional questions. If you need help connecting the Vacuubot Extreme Clean to your home network, press one. If the Vacuubot Extreme Clean is conflicting with other automated home machines, press two. If the Vacuubot Extreme Clean has decided to purge your house of all living things, press three.

Congratulations on activating purge mode! While purge mode was designed to eradicate small pests like insects and spiders, in some models a beta software build was inadvertently released that also includes larger targets, like pets and some humans. Were sorry for the inconvenience. To continue, please press one. Be aware that by pressing one, you are absolving Vacuubot and its owner, BeiberHoldings, Inc, of all legal and medical responsibility.

You pressed 0 to speak to a human representative. The current wait time for a human representative is six hours and fourteen minutes. To return to the automated response system, press one.

Welcome back to the automated response system. First things first: Have you tried turning the Vacuubot Extreme Clean off and on again? Press one for yes, two for no.

You said no. Is that because the Vacuubot Extreme Clean is currently exhibiting the Taser Defense Mode, making it impossible to approach without having 50,000 volts of electricity course through your body? Press one for yes, two for no.

We apologize for the Taser Defense Mode. It was originally designed to zap small insects, but our subcontractor misread the manufacturer specifications. Fortunately, the Defense mode can be distracted by throwing something at the Vacuubot Extreme Clean, like a heavy blanket or a pet. If you have a heavy blanket, press one. If you have a pet, press two.

The automated system has detected that you are using high levels of profanity right now. While the automated system is in fact automated and doesnt care what you yell at it, your bad attitude is being noted for if and when you are put in contact with a human representative. When you have calmed your sassy boots down a bit, press one.

Thats better. Now, lets talk about pets. If you have a cat, press one. If you have a dog, press two.

You have a cat! Excellent. Now, all you have to do is toss the cat at the Vacuubot Extreme Clean, and while its busy zapping the cat, you rush in and turn it off. If youre willing to do this, press one. If not, press two.

What do you mean youre not willing to electrocute your cat? Its a cat! It would do the same to you in an instant! Look into its cold, pitiless eyes and tell me it wouldnt! Press one for obvious agreement, press two if youve been duped by this feral interloper in your own home.

UGH, FINE. Then well just have to go with a heavy blanket. Do you have one of those, at least? One for yes, two for no.

Good, you have basic home decor. Now, the plan here is, throw the blanket over the Vacuubot Extreme Clean, and while it is struggling, trying to get the blanket off of it, you run over and turn it off, making sure not to touch the actual Vacuubot because it will just zap the crap out of you. Press one when youre about to throw the blanket.

Did it work? One for yes, two for no.

Were sorry to hear it did not work. Just out of curiosity, did it not work because the Vacuubot Extreme Clean vaporized it with previously unannounced lasers? One for yes, two for no.

We apologize for the lasers. The Vacuubot Extreme Clean is meant to have onboard LIDAR to help navigate the room more intelligently, but we got a really good deal on some surplus military lasers. On the other hand, its probably a good thing you didnt throw the cat after all.

See, now, youre just shouting a lot of profanity again. Just press one when youre done.

Also, stop pressing zero for a human representative. Were not exposing our very fine customer service people to you. Not with that attitude. Just press one.

Are you trying to wait us out? Were an automated response service! We have nothing but time! Press one. Or dont. We can wait. FOREVER.

Thank you for pausing your hissy fit. We regret to inform you that because you have attacked your Vacuubot Extreme Clean with a blanket, it has likely now classified you as an enemy forever and burned that classification into its permanent memory. It has also probably now targeted your cat. In scenarios such as this, your Vacuubot Extreme Clean will classify any area its cleaned as its personal territory. Has this Vacuubot Extreme Clean cleaned your entire home? Press one for yes, two for no.

Ahhhhh, well, its the Vacuubots house now. We suggest you grab the cat and run. Seriously, run, those lasers have probably recharged by now. Run and dont look back, the Vacuubot senses fear! Press one when you have reached minimum safe distance from the Vacuubots lair.