Anne Perry - A Christmas Grace

Dedicated to all those

who long for a second chance

EMILY RADLEY STOOD IN THE CENTER OF HER magnificent drawing room and considered where she should have the Christmas tree placed so that it would show to the best advantage. The decorations were already planned: the bows, the colored balls, the tinsel, the little glass icicles, and the red and green shiny birds. At the foot would be the brightly wrapped presents for her husband and children.

All through the house there would be candles, wreaths and garlands of holly and ivy. There would be bowls of crystallized fruit and porcelain dishes of nuts, jugs of mulled wine, plates of mince pies, roasted chestnuts, and, of course, great fires in the hearths with apple logs to burn with a sweet smell.

The year of 1895 had not been an easy one, and she was happy enough to see it come to a close. Because they were staying in London, rather than going to the country, there would be parties, and dinners, including the Duchess of Warwicks; everyone she knew would be at that dinner. And there would be balls where they would dance all night. She had her gown chosen: the palest possible green, embroidered with gold. And, of course, there was the theater. It would not be the same without anything of Oscar Wildes, but there would be Goldsmiths She Stoops to Conquer, and that was fun.

She was still thinking about it when Jack came in. He looked a little tired, but he had the same easy grace of manner as always. He was holding a letter in his hand.

Post? she asked in surprise. At this time in the evening? Her heart sank. Its not some government matter, is it? They cant want you now. Its less than three weeks till Christmas.

Its for you, he replied, holding it out for her. It was just delivered. I think its Thomass handwriting.

Thomas Pitt was Emilys brother-in-law, a policeman. Her sister, Charlotte, had married considerably beneath her. She had not regretted it for a day, even if it had cost her the social and financial comforts she had been accustomed to. On the contrary, it was Emily who envied Charlotte the opportunities she had been given to involve herself in some of his cases. It seemed like far too long since Emily had shared an adventure, the danger, the emotion, the anger, and the pity. Somehow she felt less alive for it.

She tore open the envelope and read the paper inside.

Dear Emily,

I am very sorry to tell you that Charlotte received a letter today from a Roman Catholic priest, Father Tyndale, who lives in a small village in the Connemara region of Western Ireland. He is the pastor to Susannah Ross, your fathers younger sister. She is now widowed again, and Father Tyndale says she is very ill. In fact this will certainly be her last Christmas.

I know she parted from the family in less than happy circumstances, but we should not allow her to be alone at such a time. Your mother is in Italy, and unfortunately Charlotte has a bad case of bronchitis, which is why I am writing to ask you if you will go to Ireland to be with Susannah. I realize it is a great sacrifice, but there is no one else.

Father Tyndale says it cannot be for long, and you would be most welcome in Susannahs home. If you write back to him at the enclosed address, he will meet you at the Galway station from whichever train you say. Please make it within a day or two. There is little time to hesitate.

I thank you in advance, and Charlotte sends her love. She will write to you when she is well enough.

Yours with gratitude,

Thomas

Emily looked up and met Jacks eyes. Its preposterous! she exclaimed. Hes lost his wits.

Jack blinked. Really. What does he say?

Wordlessly she passed the letter to him.

He read it, frowning, and then offered it back to her. Im sorry. I know you were looking forward to Christmas at home, but therell be another one next year.

Im not going! she said incredulously.

He said nothing, just looked at her steadily.

Its ridiculous, she protested. I cant go to Connemara, for heavens sake. Especially not at Christmas. Itll be like the end of the world. In fact it is the end of the world. Jack, its nothing but freezing bog.

Actually I believe the west coast of Ireland is quite temperate, he corrected her. But wet, of course, he added with a smile.

She breathed out a sigh of relief. His smile could still charm her more than she wished him to know. If he did, he might be impossible to manage at all. She turned away to put the letter on the table. Ill write to Thomas tomorrow and explain to him.

What will you say? he asked.

She was surprised. That its out of the question, of course. But Ill put it nicely.

How nicely can you say that youll let your aunt die alone at Christmas because you dont fancy the Irish climate? he asked, his voice surprisingly gentle, considering the words.

Emily froze. She turned back to look at him, and knew that in spite of the smile, he meant exactly what he had said. Do you really want me to go away to Ireland for the entire Christmas? she asked. Susannahs only fifty. She might live for ages. He doesnt even say whats wrong with her.

One can die at any age, Jack pointed out. And what I would like has nothing to do with what is right.

What about the children? Emily played the trump card. What will they think if I leave them for Christmas? It is a time when families should be together. She smiled back at him.

Then write and tell your aunt to die alone because you want to be with your family, he replied. On second thoughts, youll have to tell the priest, and he can tell her.

The appalling realization hit her. You want me to go! she accused him.

No, I dont, he denied. But neither do I want to live with you all the years afterwards when Susannah is dead, and you wish you had done. Guilt can destroy even the dearest things. In fact, especially the dearest. He reached out and touched her cheek gently. I dont want to lose you.

You wont! she said quickly. Youll never lose me.

Lots of people lose each other. He shook his head. Some people even lose themselves.

She looked down at the carpet. But its Christmas!

He did not answer.

The seconds ticked by. The fire crackled in the hearth.

Do you suppose they have telegrams in Ireland? she asked finally.

Ive no idea. What can you possibly say in a telegram that would answer this?

She took a deep breath. What time my train gets into Galway. And on what day, I suppose.

He leaned forward and kissed her very gently, and she found she was crying, for all that she would miss over the next weeks, and all that she thought Christmas ought to be.

But two days later, when the train finally pulled into Galway a little before noon and Emily stepped out onto the platform in the fine rain, she was in an entirely different frame of mind. She was stiff, and extremely tired after a rough crossing of the Irish Sea and a night in a Dublin hotel. If Jack had had the remotest idea what he was asking of her, he wouldnt have been nearly so cavalier about it. This was a sacrifice no one should ask. It was Susannahs choice to have turned her back on her family, married a Roman Catholic no one knew, and decided to live out here in the bog and the rain. She had not come home when Emilys father was dying! Of course, no one had asked her to. In fact, Emily admitted to herself reluctantly, it was quite possible no one had even told her he was ill.

The porter unloaded her luggage and put it on the platform. She had not asked him toit was quite unnecessary. This was the end of the line, in every possible sense.