Misty Moreton - The Alcohol Memoirs: A Fun Place for Drunks, Drug Users and Voyeurs

The Alcohol Memoirs:
A Fun Place for Drunks
Drug Users, and Voyeurs

by Misty J. Moreton

Copyright 2017 Misty J. Moreton

ISBN 978-1-63393-564-8

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any otherexcept for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior written permission of the author.

The publisher and the author do not condone harmful use of alcohol, drugs, and other substances, nor do we condone any illegal acts brought about by the consumption of alcohol and drugs. These stories were shared by people whose names have been changed and whose moral character and memories might be unreliable. The stories have been lightly edited to remove salacious or gratuitously offensive content and grammar. We promote the wise use of the human brain and all adult substances.

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DEDICATION

I am eternally grateful to CL and BP, otherwise I never would have found out how many amazing and interesting people I have met on the Internet and the endless amounts of things there are to talk about.

This book is dedicated to every single one of you.

I have never been so caught off guard or laughed so hard, but most importantly I learned the valuable lesson that snap judgement will blind you from enlightenment.

Dont ever forget, you have no idea who you are sitting next to at the bar or who is on the other end of that website. Literally.

THE ALCOHOL MEMOIRS is collection of true stories, as they were remembered, recounted, and submitted by real people from all over the United States. I have spent thousands of hours compiling, editing, and organizing, but I have only altered them for clarity, grammar, and taste in order to preserve their authenticity.

Otherwise, they are 100 percent true.

These tales range from tame and slightly innocent to shocking infidelitythe types of secrets that people usually take to their grave. But now they have been given the opportunity to confess anonymously.

Some of the stories are graphically sexual, and there quite a few people who have stayed in the closet, so to speak, but have had secretive homosexual encounters. The contributors are as normal as your neighborthe man sitting on the subway next to you, some womans husband who stands behind you in line at the grocery store buying an anniversary card for his wife, your childs best friends parents, or even your local politician

This is far from G-rated; it is actually closer to XXX-rated. If you are easily offended or have a weak constitution, please proceed with caution. This is not a recommendation or a glamorization of alcohol, its effects, or its consequences.

In May of 2016, I was finishing a bottle of wine when all of a sudden, I had this fabulous idea. I was thinking of a recent night after a long night of drinking and partying with some friends at a bar and some of the outrageous things I did, and I was feeling borderline ashamed but amused at the same time.

I decided to try and collect stories from real people about what kind of trouble they had gotten into or crazy things they had done while drinking and what ensued or resulted from their wild nights.

I have had hundreds of drunken, blurry, and black-out nights, where I had to hear about what I did from other people who did remember. Those are always interesting, frequently embarrassing, and yet I continue to get away with my outrageous behavior. Surrounding yourself with friends who understand what black-outs are and commonly start stories with; Well, I cant remember anything after we did those 3 shots... also helps quite a bit.

My stories are hidden amongst the others since its not really fair for everyone else to bare their soul and not me. But I tried to keep everyones story as anonymous as I could, including mine.

So, I wrote hundreds of ads in every major city in the US on various websites, and then I went out for the night to drink more. I had a great night, but deep down I was so excited to get back home and read all of the emails I was going to get that I actually tried to stay sober enough to drive myself home. I had expected to get a few funny emails and that it was going to take a year or more to get enough stories and to add my own and put a book together.

I had no idea what I was getting into.

When I checked my email my jaw literally dropped. I had gotten over 500 responses in just a few hours! I was mesmerized as I scrolled through the messages. Hundreds of people had sent me their deepest secret drunken confessions. They were graphic, shocking, hilarious and they definitely exceeded my wildest expectations. I swear that there arent enough words in the thesaurus to accurately describe them all.

I am not a doctor or a critic, and am not particularly qualified to add commentary to any of these stories, but I am a woman, and a drinker, and, for the most part, open-minded. So, my comments are just what they are, just comments.

And so, The Alcohol Memoirs, was born.

Enjoy...

WRONG BED AND OTHER ADVENTURES

Im a white male, fifty-three years old, divorced, and fun. Ive got a couple for you, all sex-related in some way, but all true!

When I was a senior in high school, I was dating a nice redhead named Maureen. Great personality and nice body. Her father worked nights, so her mother, who was also a redhead and very pretty, was home alone most nights.

One Friday night we went out and ended up having way too many drinks at a party. When we got back to her house, I used the bathroom, and before Maureen used the bathroom she said, Meet me in the bedroom. Well, guess what happened? I went into the wrong bedroom. I took off all my clothes and got into the bed...

I started groping her, and then I heard a loud scream.

I was so confused, I thought it was Maureen who was in the bed with me. Damn! I was in bed with her mother. Lucky for me, her mother was very understanding. But, looking back, I wish Id screwed her mother.

Then, about ten years ago, I was dating a woman named Linda, and we had dinner and, yes, a few drinks at the Top of the Hub in the Pru Center. We got on the elevator alone when we left. I hit the stop button about half way down. Then I pulled her dress up, got on my knees, moved her panties to the side, and started licking.

Her legs were getting weak, so she held onto the rails inside the elevator. After a while, she lay down on the floor. I kept licking Linda, and it wasnt too long before she had an orgasm.

She looked at me and said, Now its your turn.

Then she pulled down my jeans and started stroking and sucking. The elevator was moving again, and we were trying to get dressed. The doors opened, and of course a whole bunch of people were staring at us, half-naked getting off an elevator. I looked at them and said, Good evening!