Marc Sedaka - What He Can Expect When She’s Not Expecting: How to Support Your Wife, Save Your Marriage, and Conquer Infertility!

I know, youve heard it all before. My clock is ticking. My eggs are getting old. I better have kids before its too late. Blah, blah, blah. Well, guess what? Her clock is ticking, her eggs are getting old, and she better have kids before its too late. Now, granted, a womans tone might be so bitter and so vindictive when she says these things that youd think the entire male gender had actually planned it that waybut it still doesnt make her dreaded clock any less real.

For those of you who spaced out during 10thgrade biology, let me give you a quick refresher course. Unlike men, who are constantly producing new sperm, a woman is born with a lifetime supply of eggsand as she ages, so does that supply of precious genetic material. In fact, studies have shown that a womans eggs start to degenerate by the ripe young age of 27. Twenty-seven! Hell, when I was 27, my mom was still doing my laundry!

Now, heres the even more shocking part. Most women are completely unaware of this fact (lucky for you, I guess). Go ahead, ask them. Even ask the ones who gave you the death look when they talked about the dreaded biological clock. Theyll tell you it starts to tick louder at 30, 35, even 40. And theyre not just saying it to trick you into a false sense of security either. They honestly, truly believe it. This is the myth perpetuated by a society fixated on youth and careernot to mention the countless celebrities singing the praises of childbirth after 40. (Nearly all of them through donor eggs, I assure you.)

In 2001 the American Society for Reproductive Medicine ran a series of subway and bus ads in New York City. The picture in the ad showed an hourglass-shaped baby bottle with a caption that read, Advanced Age Decreases Your Ability to Have Children. Sadly the campaign was quickly scrapped because of too many complaintsmost of them from womens organizations who deemed the whole thing sexist. I often wonder how many childless 41-year-olds could have avoided that fertility office waiting room if only theyd had a chance to read those ads.

The biological clock is real, guys. And not only when it comes to getting pregnant. The longer a woman waits, the greater her risk for miscarriage, premature deliveries, birth defects, and complications during pregnancy. Just think of your wife as Michael Jordan when he retired at 36. (Only shorter and with a much weaker jump shot.) Michael certainly wasnt old, at least by life span standards, but even he knew that his ability to fly through the air had certainly diminished with age. Now imagine M.J. taking that same basketball, carrying it in his stomach for nine months, and then pushing it out through his asshole. You get the picture.

My wife has ulcerative colitis. For those of you who dont know what that is, you dont want to. Put (mercifully) simply she has ulcers all up and down her colon, and, because of it, shes been known to shit as much as 20 times a day. See? I told you you didnt want to know. But the point is, this was a preexisting condition that, despite many experts stating otherwise, might very well have contributed to her inability to get pregnant. (By the way, we never did find out why we couldnt get pregnant. Unexplained infertility is all we were ever tolda diagnosis that is as frustrating as it is common.)

So if you, your wife, or any of your immediate family members have or have had any physical or medical conditions that you even suspect might make it harder to get pregnant, dont shrug it off. And Im not just talking the obvious stuff. Things as seemingly insignificant as your wife never getting pregnant during her wild college days, or you trying hard to block out that most painful and embarrassing paintball injury (seriously, I know the guy) could very well point to fertility problems.

I recommend you and your wife take a few minutes to discuss your families medical histories and potential trouble spots. Were there any relatives who had difficulty conceiving? Do you recall hearing about a lot of miscarriages? Was your boyhood home next to a nuclear power plant? (Yes, I know that guy, too.) Theres no way of saying what will or wont prove significant, but, in the end, the more you know about your past, the more control youll ultimately have over your future.

DR. ROSEN: One quick thing to add here. While there are many medical conditions that can contribute to infertility, there are almost none that are guaranteed to make you infertile or sterile. So while its important to consider all possible roadblocks, you shouldnt drive yourself (or your wife) crazy with it. Case in point: I once treated a woman who was so obsessed with discovering the hidden root of her infertility, she completely overlooked the simple fact that she forgot to remove her IUD.

Im a pragmatist. I dont put much stock in fate or luck or destiny for most anything. But when it comes to gut feelings, especially in the fertility world, I gotta pay some heed.

My wife always said that shed have trouble conceiving. Right from the very first time we discussed it. She had no real evidence to support thisexcept maybe the fact that shed never been pregnant before, and she suffered from the aforementioned ulcerative colitisbut she still felt strongly that there would be a problem.