Rob Reger - Dark Times (Emily the Strange)

dedicated to Wilder Waters

Duntzton: Another town, another diary...

Have been busy busy busy with packing, moving, and unpacking my stuff, but FINALLY made it out of the house this evening to scope our new town and pick up some back-to-school suppliesjust the basics:

1. New journal (1) (obviously)
2. Assorted pens & pencils (red & black ONLY)
3. Glue (1 gal.)
4. Structural assay parsers (10)
5. Watercolor paints (13 sets)
6. Folders (3)
7. Assorted test tubes (3 doz.)
8. Bunsen burner (1)
9. Sticky notes (bakers doz.)
10. Rolls of tape (1 gross)
11. Biomass (66 lbs.)
12. Index cards (3 doz.)
13. Driveshaft (1)

Some of these items are direly needed for construction of a new PrimevilPowerCase . Having only one PPC has become a huge bummer lately since I can only use it to power one major invention at a time. Thats all well and good until I decide I want my Oddisee, my Ambiplasmatron , and my Tilt-A-Girl functioning simultaneously.

Anyway, have decided it is high time I put together at least one more PPC . Have introduced myself to Mr. Wilson, owner of the local hardware store, which also happens to be the local thrift store, the local sundries store, and the local antique store. Man, Duntzton is small. Made arrangements for after-hours shopping, access to special-order catalogs, AND a student discount.

Regrettably, Wilson insists that I show some current student ID to receive said student discount. Even more regrettably, I have no student ID more recent than sixth grade. I did try my usual M.O. of introducing the owner of the local hardware store to my golem. Typically, this results in the owner falling hopelessly under the spell of Ravens bewitching beauty and giving me the biggest possible discount on purchases, with no ID needed. Wilson appears immune, however. Maybe he already likes someone else, or maybe the parched husk of his shriveled soul understands nothing of LURRRRVE. Blagfarx!

Am now considering getting enrolled in school, if only for the ID. Chances are pretty slim that the Duntzton educational system has much else to offer me. Nothing against Duntzton, you know. Its school as a general concept that doesnt agree with me so well. Though I should be perfectly honest and say that due to the success of my lifelong efforts at avoiding school, I have only spent 13 days in actual classes. (Summary below.)

1. Kindergarten, Day 1: Horrible shock to my system as I realized that unless I did something to avoid it, my year would be spent learning to stand in line, raise my hand before speaking, and share the safety scissors.
2. Kindergarten, Day 2: Was expelled from school for vandalism. Hey, I was young.
3. First Grade, Day 1: Left school with severe (severely FAKE!) case of scurvy.
4. Fourth Grade, Day 1: Was excused from school due to lice.
5. Fifth Grade, Day 1: Determined to make a real go of school this time.
6. Fifth Grade, Day 2: Was expelled from school for vandalism. Hey, I was still young.
7. Sixth Grade, Day 1: Dragged myself to classes yet again.
8. Sixth Grade, Day 2: Continued to endure general school-related torment as stoically as possible.
9. Sixth Grade, Day 3: Was excused from classes when a tornado destroyed most of the town. Sometimes you just get lucky.
10. Seventh Grade, Day 1: Started school with open-minded attitude (and excellent Plan B).
11. Seventh Grade, Day 2: With heroic generosity of spirit, gave school another chance.
12. Seventh Grade, Day 3: Was expelled from school for possession of a contraband item.
13. Eighth Grade, Day 1: Was sent home owing approx. 1 million hours in detention for various crimes (mostly sass-related). Later, town officials decided that I did not need to attend classes.

Its not that I object to education. Not at all. I just havent found any in the schools Ive been to so far. But I do want that ID, and I dont mind at least checking out the Duntzton school. You never knowmaybe theyve got a wicked science lab, experimental music program, or slingshot range. And lots of Nobel Prizewinning teachers on staff. And night classes. And no other students. Yeah.

Anyway, Im going to wait for daylight and pay them a visit. Mom has been absentmindedly mentioning school for the past three days, so I may as well get a jump on the whole business and lay the groundwork for getting myself enrolled and (if the school doesnt completely thrill me) subsequently excused for the year. No point in ruining a perfectly good autumn, winter, and spring with a lot of early wake-up calls, meaningless desk-warming, and insufferable people my age.

Later

Have unpacked and decorated my room, with expert help from Raven. Am patting self on back for perfecting her programming to this point. She is so well tuned these days that any outsider would think I was psychically commanding her. I might even say that shes showing some initiative of her own. For example, when Sabbath was making a toilet out of my packing materials, and Miles was leaping from crash-test dummy to antique birdcage to taxidermied rhino in unfettered glee, and Mystery was yakking up some liquefied strapping tape, and Neechee was generally making a feline happytime carnival out of the unpacking and decorating effort, Raven went right downstairs to the kitchen and yelled LIVER! in that huge booming voice she has sometimes. Which got all four cats out of the room about five seconds before my head would have exploded. Now THATS earning her keep!

Later

OK, its finally business hours, am off to enroll myself in school.

Later

Visit to Duntzton school has been somewhat discouraging. Am glad I had my spy camera with me so I could document the terrifying spectacle that greeted me:

Her name was Carol. Carol does not work and play well with others.

M E: Hi, Carol. Im here to enroll myself in school.

C AROL: Your parent or guardian has to do that.

M E: Im emancipated, so I am my own guardian. And Im here to enroll myself in school.

C AROL: Lets see your documentation.

M E: [Handing over my papers.]

C: This says you were emancipated when you were three years old.

Me: Yep.

C : Get out of my office, you!

No worries. I did not really need to enroll in school to get an ID. Am moving on to Plan B.

Later

Success! I am now the proud bearer of a Duntzton school ID. Heres how that went down: