L. David Marquet - Leadership is Language: How Small Changes in What You Say Can Make a Huge Difference to Your Team’s Results

Let me save you some time and heartbreak: listen to what David says. I only wish I did sooner. It would have saved me a lot of grief and millions of dollars.

Like many people you know (or maybe even you!), Ive spent my life trying to make it look like I had all the answers. I needed everyone to think I was smart. Whatever the cause, I was raised to believe being right and having the answers was a hallmark of leadership. It wasnt until my last company that I realized something was wrong.

After raising over $30 million, recruiting some of the best people Ive ever worked with, and having the opportunity to lead and build product at one of the hottest start-ups in Silicon Valley, I couldnt escape a gnawing, enigmatic dread. We had enough capital, we had the right people, and yet everyone was miserable.

It took me a long time to see and admit itbut I was the problem. When I didnt know the answers, I felt insecure and I did not want people to see it. So I overcompensated by pushing. I cajoled people to get on board, go my way or get out. I had convinced myself that this was the right approach because of course I had the answers.

Everyone left. The company was recapitalized, and all the investors lost their money. No one else got a dollar. And I was depressed.

A few years before these events, I saw David Marquet speak. Everything he said was the opposite of the approach I later adopted at that failed business. In moments of clarity during those times, I would remember Davids words and wish I could find a way to apply them to our work.

The chastening experience of that failure caused me to recommit to developing my leadership skills. At my next company, Assist, I rebuilt my approach from the ground up with Davids guidance as my foundation. With my cofounderRobert Stephens, the founder of Geek SquadAssist became the leader in the AI space, powering brands on new platforms like Google Assistant, Alexa, and messaging apps. There is zero question that Davids insight and guidance contributed in a giant way to our success.

From the first word I wrote to start the company, everything was through the lens of what this book is about. Curiosity was our core value. We celebrated what we didnt know, and know-it-alls werent welcome. How we used our words became how we respected people and operated effectively. We practiced using language with one another that forced people to own making decisions. We would remind people its OK to say, I dont know. I hired people and asked them to teach me. We helped people go from saying I think we should... to Ive already done... There was no need to ask for permission.

Today, my number one priority is partnering to create a workplace culture that expands the range of empowerment so more people have the skills and agency to act in the service of the greatest good. Inversely, the more permission that is needed, the less people will be empowered to think and lead, and the worse the place will be to work. It wasnt always easy; many people dont believe they can or should operate in this way.

Ultimately, I saw my job as CEO evolve to a place where my goal was to make as few decisions as possible. Thats a long distance away from the guy who had to hide behind a mask of All Knowledge.

Everything in this book is exactly how I strived to lead Assist, and in 2019, Assist was acquired for millions. As I watched my colleagues move to great positions at prestigious companies, I felt incredibly lucky to have had the opportunity to learn and grow alongside some of the best leaders Ive ever worked with.

Davids not promising an easier, shorter path, but, in my experience, its one that leaves everyone feeling whole, empowered, and eager to dive back in the next day. That works for me.