Annable Graham - Race me in a lobster suit: absurd internet ads and the real conversations that followed

You see that girl standing at the counter in the AT&T store, sweating as she tries to explain to the guy activating her SIM card why shes buying a burner phone? Yupthats me. Youre probably wondering how I got there, and Im gonna tell you, of course. But first I should probably explain how this whole thing started.

Several years and a few jobs ago, I was feeling creatively unfulfilled and decided I needed some sort of outlet for my weird ideas (because Baby formula ads are not the time or place for characters with quirky fetishes, Kelly). So one day I scribbled down a request for someone to dress up as a lobster and race me around my apartment and posted it as an online classified ad. I had no expectation of anything coming of it. But when people started responding to the ad, I realized I might have stumbled onto something. I kept posting newer, weirder ads, and people kept responding, and, well, here we are.

Race Me in a Lobster Suit is a collection of email conversations I had with strangers who responded to the fake ads I posted on the internet. In each case, youll see the original post and the full email exchange that resulted when someone replied and I tried to keep the conversation as lengthy and entertaining as possible. Why do that, Kelly? you might ask. Great question; I asked myself that same thing more than once along the way. Like the time I came up for air from my Google search about ways to perform an at-home exorcism.

How do you think of this stuff? is another question I was asked a lot as I worked on this book. Basically, I throw a ton of ideas at the wall and see what sticks. Sometimes nothing does. In fact, a lot of the conversations went nowhere, and sometimes it took reposting the same ad a number of times before I figured out where I would take the story once someone replied. More often than Id anticipated, I got caught off guard because someone was so willing to do something I never thought theyd do. Posing nude with a deadly animal, that sort of stuff.

In the process I encountered seriously funny strangers, and in my attempts to seem authentic I learned weird things. I know more about boa constrictor live births I can point you in the right direction.

But it wasnt all absurd email conversations and funny web searches. The toughest part of the project was coming clean to the strangers Id been telling the wildest lies of my life to. When one of us finally hit a breaking point Id confess, and I was always nervous what the reaction might be. Im happy to say that most people were amused by the banter. However, some werenot amused. Those reactions ranged from silence to a mixed bag of Go [fill in the blank]s.

*nervous laugh*

Im not sure what your takeaway from this book will be, but Ill share mine: people are funny. I cant explain why some folks entertained the idea of my ads for so long. Maybe they wanted a good story, which is an attitude I can get behind any day. Maybe they were trolling me back. Or maybe were all just bored. Whatever the reason, I encourage you to talk to strangers. Its very fun. And Im not talking about the white van, do you want some candy types of strangers, OK? Dont take my suggestion out of context. Im talking about the strangers you meet online who are willing to come over and play dead for a fixed hourly rate. Those strangers rule.

Back to that day at the phone store: Id recently been emailing back and forth with a guy about dressing him up like a doll and brushing his chest hair on the Great Lawn in Central Park (minor details) before confessing that Id made the whole thing up and that I wanted to publish our conversation in a book. Before he gave me permission to do so, he insisted we speak on the phone. So to avoid sharing my real phone number, I ended up in another awkward exchange, this time with a very nosy AT&T sales guy. For the record, it didnt work out with the doll guy, and you wont find that conversation in this book.

But the same ad yielded another conversation with someone else, so look forward to reading Tea Party on . (All the people in this book allowed me to publish their emails, but no real names have been used.)

In all seriousness, I sincerely appreciate you buying this book, especially if youre not one of my moms friends. Its not that I dont appreciate all of my moms friends buying this book (because I do), its just that I dont think they had a choice. Anyway, thank you for coming with me on this strange ride. I hope you laugh. And if you dont, you can hire someone to tickle you until you do. I know a guy.