Hardy - The Self-Care Project

The
SELF-CARE
Project

Jayne Hardy

Contents

For you, and for me.
Dedicated to Domski, Pegs, Mother Hubbs, Clairie and Windog.

Self-care is accessible and applicable to everyone, but its one thing knowing the benefits and quite another to prioritise it.

Life can be noisy. It can be exhausting too. There are too many things vying for our attention, and sometimes we inadvertently forget how important our wellbeing is. Its so easily done because the external noise is so, so loud. It comes at us from many different angles, and it demands our attention.

And so, we give it our attention.

We place other peoples needs and wants ahead of our own, and we get sidelined.

We live in a fast-paced world rife with social media images of perfection. We dont feel good enough or as though were doing enough. We compare where we are with heavily filtered snapshots of a single moment in time and wonder where were going so wrong.

Drowning out the noise and tuning into your wants and needs isnt easy.

We forget what it is that nourishes us. We forget that we matter. Our actions tell everyone else how important they are and where we come in the pecking order usually near the bottom, a mere afterthought. So many of us have danced to other peoples tunes throughout our lives. We live to their ideals and expectations, allow them to shape and design our lives. Our boundaries become wonky. We lose a sense of who we truly are, what we truly want and need. And we wonder why we feel so disoriented and tired to the core. Weve given everything we have and have nothing left for us. Sound familiar?

When were operating on a frazzled level, day-to-day, were opening the door for so many illnesses to walk right in. Were creating the perfect storm for ill health mental and physical.

But, to incorporate self-care into our everyday lives, we need to kick some existing habits to the kerb, introduce new ones and become mindful of what it is that truly makes us feel self-cared for. And thats no mean feat.

The very act of thinking about self-care can dredge up feelings of selfishness, guilt and unworthiness. We continue to put ourselves at the bottom of the list and wonder why we feel so frazzled, unfulfilled and antsy.

Its a minefield.

One were going to face head-on.

Together.

This isnt any old book about self-care. The onus is on the word self and what we might be able to learn about ourselves. In addition to my pennys worth, you will find journal prompts and suggestions of ways you can address some of the common barriers. Whether you decide to read it right through and then return to those, or pause when they arrive, its up to you. Whatever feels right for you, is the name of the game.

Jayne x

PS. You can find me online come and say hi:

@JayneHardy_ @JayneHardy_

Self-care and I have a lovehate relationship.

Youre about to get acquainted with some of my foibles so to balance that out, I thought Id kick things off with some notes of interest first. IM really introverted according to the Myers-Briggs personality test, Im an INFJ. Ive run two half marathons the defining moment in one of those was being overtaken by a man dressed as a giant genital. My elbow joint is made from titanium and was shipped over from France the result of a nasty (sober) tumble down the stairs as I was rushing to work one day. In nineteen eighty-something, I won Mini Majorette of the Year and was proper chuffed, chuffed enough about this particular achievement that it made it here, into this book. Theres a rather fetching scar below my left eyebrow from a faceplanting incident when I was a tiddler the toilet seat fared better than me. I married my sixth-form crush in Malta. I fell asleep mid-childbirth (too much diamorphine). Ive flown a plane, done a bungee jump and been zorbing.

I am also a prolific ball juggler; Im a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a leader of a team, and cant have a shower without another good idea popping into my head.

I bet you can guess which ball I drop the most frequently. Yep, you guessed it; the only ball I keep repeatedly dropping is the self-care ball one of the most important balls of all. As an educated and (usually) rational human being, I have embarked on a quest to learn why thats the case. Why do I feel resistance to self-care? What is it about prioritising self-care that makes me feel so icky? And why, oh why, does it feel as though I self-sabotage anything that feels good for me? Why do I feel so darn undeserving?

I have a long history of depression, and my quest to get to grips with this self-care malarkey has often found me wondering which came first my lack of self-care or my depression? Its a chicken or egg? question, but science tells us that self-care and mental wellbeing are intrinsically linked.

Depression stole chunks of my life, leaving me unable to work, leave the house or undertake the most basic acts of self-care losing a tooth because I didnt feel worthy enough to clean them. I felt exhausted, helpless and hopeless. I treated myself according to those thoughts.

Learning to manage depression only truly started when I reintroduced self-care.

Learning to manage depression only truly started when I reintroduced self-care. A practice that was totally at odds with how I was feeling. It hurt to be kind and caring with myself; it had become alien to treat myself so nicely.

It was my experience of depression the isolation, the loss of hope and suicidal thoughts that led me to set up The Blurt Foundation in 2011.

I remember approaching my thirties and looking back over the past eight years. Depression had gobbled up most of my twenties, and I didnt want to lose another decade in the same way. I guess that was the point when I gave up giving up.

My self-care at this point was non-existent; I wasnt showering often nor eating properly. My hair was akin to a snakes wedding and although nobody ever told me, I must have smelled pretty revolting. My bed was my safe place, and it was there that I hid from the world. Not realising at the time that, in seeking refuge, I was also creating a prison, of sorts, for myself. My window to the outside world was predominantly via social media. I could dip in and out when it suited me but also connect with people who were struggling in the same way I was. In fact, they were much braver than me because they were speaking about depression so candidly and without shame.

I was yet to reach that point.

Twitter also introduced me to blogging. I saw that there were people blogging about all sorts of things and I missed writing it was something Id always loved until depression sapped the joy and self-belief out of it for me. I decided that writing a beauty blog might help me with self-care. To write about beauty products Id have to use beauty products self-care, right there!

That little blog helped me in ways Im not sure I can properly put into words; it gave me a purpose, distracted me from the suicidal thoughts, injected pleasure back into writing, brought some sunshine back into my life. I started taking better care of myself and seeing the glimmer of a future ahead.

The natural progression was to start writing about other things that were important to me.

I strongly feel that nobody should go unheard and as such, we respond to every email and social media message.

I felt that as a beauty blog, it wasnt a very rounded view of what life was like for me at that time. I had an urge to write about depression but wasnt sure if I could or if I should.