McLean - Confessions of a menopausal woman everything you want to know but are too afraid to ask

The menopause. There weve said it. Its a huge part of every womans life and yet it remains one of societys last taboos. An emotionally complex issue that can trigger a whole host of physical and mental side effects, its a big deal. So why arent we talking about it?

Talking about stuff is what women do best; sharing and offloading, laughing and bonding over the ridiculous and incredible things our bodies go through. Hearing other peoples experiences is what makes our own so much more bearable because we know that we arent alone.

This is the book that Andrea McLean wished for when she found herself in uncharted territory, grappling with the physical aftershock of a hysterectomy and the psychological fallout of a difficult menopause. Typically candid, covering all you need to know and including tips and tricks on diet, exercise and even your sex life, Andrea brings her trademark humour and honesty to a very hot topic.

To menopausal women everywhere.
Its OK. Weve got this.

Dear reader,

This is the book I wish Id had when I started my menopause, and the one I hope will help you through yours

It all began with a thirty-second mention on TV that I was going to be off work for a while, recovering from a hysterectomy. In the space of just two days, ten thousand messages came through from viewers, asking to be kept updated; begging for advice, comfort, and for me to share my experience.

I was overwhelmed Over the following weeks, the questions continued to fly in thick and fast, all of them from women desperate for help and support. They wanted to know why Id needed the hysterectomy, and what the operation had been like, because they were about to have one as well and were scared. Other women were telling me they were in exactly the same situation as me: at home recovering, and feeling overwhelmed by the changes that were happening to their mind and body, the fear of the unknown taking them on a downward spiral of worry and anxiety.

It was clear to me that a huge proportion of the female population in the UK was living in fear and confusion. There was no one for them to talk to about their experience, and no one was helping them.

Take away the word menopause and just look at the symptoms women experience during this time: night sweats, joint and muscle pain, memory loss, depression, fatigue, lethargy, loss of libido. How can anyone be expected to carry on a normal life while living in such physical and mental discomfort without support? Its insane when you consider that half the population of the whole world will go through this phase of life and be expected to keep a stiff upper lip, not mention anything and simply get on with it. Not talking about things can make us worry that were the only ones feeling the way we do and that just makes us feel worse, and even more afraid.

There are pages of information on the internet telling us what to expect physically during the menopause, and what to look out for mentally, but when I started on this journey six years ago there wasnt a book that shared with me how it felt, first hand, from someone I knew and trusted. There are some wonderful online forums and sites dedicated to women and their changing needs, but at the time when I personally needed comfort and information, none spoke to me in a voice I liked. Some were frightening and hysterical, if Im honest, and gave my inner what if ? voice a megaphone to shout at me with, which didnt do much to calm the anxious thoughts zooming around inside my head.

When I went back to work and talked about it on Loose Women, the papers picked up on the story and Woman Has Menopause seemed to be, if youll excuse the pun, pretty hot news. I didnt set out to become the poster girl for all this. It happened by default, because I realized that there wasnt any point pretending that I hadnt had a hysterectomy or wasnt going through the menopause, and I could see by the response I was getting how much of a relief women were finding it that someone was talking about the subject. So, I figured I might as well embrace the conversation that was opening up, and push my experience out there, because some of the information women are being given is scary and headline-grabbing and it really doesnt have to be.

I faced up to the fact that a big part of me was afraid to talk about what I was going through for the same reason that other women in the public eye now confide in me at parties that they too have had hysterectomies, that they too are experiencing the change: they dont want anyone to know in case theyre seen as being old. These women ask me for advice while swearing me to secrecy at the same time, because they dont want the industry to think that theyre now past it, and are terrified that theyll be replaced by someone younger and fresher.

Is this because those in positions of power in the entertainment industry truly believe that women over a certain age arent relevant to viewers at home? Who exactly do they think is at home? While I appreciate that entertainment needs to be aspirational at a certain level watching other humans do things that were impressed by (singing, dancing, juggling, answering tricky quiz questions or scaring the life out of politicians, whatever floats your boat ) why does this have a cut-off point for women once they reach a certain age? Why do we have such a culture of youth-centric aspiration?

Ive had so many people from all walks of life stop me and thank me for being open about the menopause, for making them feel that they arent the only ones going through it. Originally, I wasnt going to speak about it publicly because I didnt want to be seen as being old either. I still dont! However, I looked at things again and I shifted my perspective. I saw that this isnt about age the menopause can happen as early as during your thirties and, my God, if youre old then, what hope does any of us (men included) have!

This whole issue is about women experiencing a life change and being too afraid to ask for help or talk to anyone about it. They want to continue to be seen by the rest of the world whether thats their workplace or family or friends as the same vibrant, relevant person theyve always been. And its pretty difficult to feel that way when it seems as if your body is falling apart and your brain has gone for a walk and cant find its way back again.

But you can.

You arent going to be quite the same vibrant, relevant person you were before, but you still have it in you to be absolutely incredible. Youll be different, but different isnt necessarily bad. Its a new stage in life and a new you.

The odd joke about sweating aside, the menopause isnt something we really discuss, and I think thats for a couple of reasons. Firstly, as Ive said, its seen as a sign of impending old age, and no one likes to think of that happening to them before theyre ready, right when theyre in what feels like the prime of middle age. Secondly, it can make a lot of men feel uncomfortable, so we end up keeping quiet and soldiering on.

The menopause doesnt always mean advancing years in any case, fifty (the average age for a woman to reach the menopause) isnt old. And in the case of mens hang-ups, well, it doesnt have to be this way, and I think things can change. They dont have to be squeamish about whats going on with womens bodies it all comes down to education and being armed with the right information. And thats where you and I come in.