Oyewole - AM I READY?: a spiritual guide to choosing a life partner

AM I READY?

A spiritual guide to choosing a life partner

Feyikemi Oyewole

Copyright 2018 Feyikemi Oyewole.

edited by Papertrue

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

Scripture quotations cited NIV are taken from THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION, NIV Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture quotations cited KJV are taken from the KING JAMES VERSION (KJV): public domain.

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ISBN: 978-1-9736-3169-9 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-3170-5 (e)

WestBow Press rev. date: 06/26/2018

CONTENTS

DEDICATION

I dedicate this book to my parents.

Do not fantasize, marriage is hard work.

-Feyikemi Oyewole

In the book Am I Ready? Feyikemi shares a lot of insights for couples (married and intending), which can elevate their relationship, and singles, which can act as guidelines for making the right decision when choosing a life partner.

One day, I looked through the list of the fruits of the Spirit, and I realised that for a marriage to work between two imperfect people, they need to be growing in the fruits of the Spirit.

Love gets tested in a marriage in so many ways. It comes as habits, behaviours, interferences, motives, selfishness, pride, amongst many others. Its okay to be in love, but most people focus on the euphoric feeling of love, which doesnt last beyond the first few years. Love itself requires action and commitment, which can feel impossible in the face of anger, unrealistic expectations and unhealthy patterns. This brings me back to the necessity of the fruits of the Spirit.

You need gentleness to be calm in the face of challenges. You need joy to keep being good and kind even when you get offended. You cant really do much without growing in Gods nature because mans nature is primarily selfish.

Before getting married, its necessary to embrace your singleness and find joy in the heart of God. Its okay to have a list of who you want, but most importantly, you should become who you want to attract and be clear enough about your deal breakers and deal makers.

Before I got married, I talked about some important topics with my husband and our beliefs about it. After we got married, I realised that the discussion was great, but we still needed the Holy Spirit to direct our affairs.

Finally, a lot of singles need to understand their values and temperaments because they play a big role in their choice of partner and how they relate with each other. For that understanding to occur, values and temperaments should be studied properly. Partners should endeavour to build on their strengths and work on their weaknesses. Two people in a marriage should ideally complement each other so that they can help each other in the areas they are weak. If one can chase a thousand, two can chase ten thousand.

Am I ready? is a great book on choosing a life partner and building a healthy relationship and marriage; let that be your watchword.

Nike Adedokun Folagbade

Author, How I Got the Ring , and Founder, Relationship Capsules Community

www.relationshipcapsules.com

When I completed my graduate studies, everyone expected me to settle down immediately. As I had completed my bachelors degree four years earlier, securing a masters degree was the icing on the cake for my family and friends. Automatically, marriage was supposed to be next on my agenda.

While I was doing my masters, I was dating a nice young man, but he lied a lot, and they were lies that were unnecessary. I remember his close friend saying to me, If you truly love him, you will forgive him because you cannot have it all. It was true, and I was not looking for a perfect man, but lies were one of the things I could not live with. It was simply me. At that time, I was already 29. I met another young man who was from my home town, and my late mother was excited about our relationship, but then I noticed some alarming characteristics about the gentleman. On one hand, he was materialistic, and on the other hand, he was rude. I had some core values, and he did not share those core values. I tried so hard to be tolerant. I remember an incident from my masters graduation ceremony at the University when he came late and criticised my dressing. His criticism of my dressing didnt bother me because I knew he had just recently moved from Africa, and his perception as to what to wear had been shaped and influenced by the environment he had been in. I overlooked his criticism considering that most people wear suits in Africa during graduation ceremonies. I was also not bothered because I was confident about what I was wearing and knowing that my self-worth was not defined by what I wore rather by the values I carried inside. I just responded, Oh you could have asked before now what I would be wearing, and perhaps I would have gotten one.

He also invited me to meet his older sister. We arrived at his sisters with his friend, and he introduced us, sat for few minutes and said, I am going to watch the league. I told him immediately and politely that he couldnt possibly have invited me to his sisters and leave me there to see the league. He stayed but reluctantly with cold eyes. This to me was the first red flag, as it did not appear to me that he respected me and valued our time together.

I later had a conversation with him about the incident at his sisters just to ensure that we were on the same level of understanding regarding the matter. I have learnt over time that honest communication is pivotal in any successful relationship, as what is intended may not be what is interpreted in a conversation. However, the conversation was futile. On another occasion, he called me but immediately said, Oh! Let me call you back, and he hung up. I waited for a few hours to hear from him before I called to check on him to ensure all was going on well. He did not return my call until two days later. I asked him what had happened, but he responded that there was nothing to talk about. This reminded me that I was right to think he did not respect me, neither did he value time spent with me. I also remembered that prior to that event, he said that he got bored with women quickly. I responded, If that is you, then you are with the wrong person. He said, What is the matter with you? Dont you know you are not young? It appeared to me that he felt I was desperate to get married and would accommodate all his flaws. Coupled with other discoveries, I told myself that he did not see things the way I saw them, and we did not identify with the same moral values, so I ended the relationship.