Caffyn Jesse - Erotic Massage for Healing and Pleasure: plus Orgasm Coaching, Genital Anatomy, Scar Tissue Healing and more from a Pioneering Somatic Sex Educator

PREFACE

This book began as a textbook for my Intimacy Education program, a 6-day residential training program for people who want to practice erotic massage. I developed the program in response to repeated requests from people who felt called to work or play with others in this way, and who recognized the need for mentoring and guidance. The book will support you, step-by-step, in practicing erotic massage with both ethics and passion. It is also a resource for all who want to deepen and expand erotic well-being, heal sexual trauma or dysfunction, or simply put an end forever to boring sex.

My own healing from sexual trauma shapes my personal approach. Like many traumatized people, I used to feel chronically unsafe in my own skin. For many years now, erotic massage has been an important way for me to reconnect with my body and heal trauma imprints. As colleague Mehdi Naimi describes it, The soul feels unsafe in a frightened body. This bodywork breathes courage into us, preparing the body to be a home for the soul again.

The more I come home to my body, the more I can explore the technologies of ecstasy. I am continually awed by the joys we are capable of feeling through erotic touch. I am awed by the power of the erotic to generate happiness and freedom, in all areas of our lives.

Erotic massage is a profound and important way to cultivate erotic energy. But without clear boundaries, compassion and understanding, awakening erotic energy in this way can be confusing and painful.This book offers guidelines for both giving and receiving.

My clients and students have taught me so much, and their courage, integrity and inventiveness inspire all I do. I am a Certified Somatic Sex Educator and Certified Sexological Bodyworker, and this book will serve as an introduction to the practice of Somatic Sex Education. It draws on the teachings included in the Sexological Bodywork program created by Joseph Kramer, which I have taught in since 2012. You will find his video resources an invaluable supplement to what I have written, as mentioned in relevant chapters. Other important mentors include Dr. Betty Martin, Elfi Emaya Dillon Shaw, Ellen Heed and Dr. Liam Snowdon. I owe so much to my fellow erotic educators, teachers and colleagues in this work.

In this book you will learn about sexual healing, erotic energy cultivation, and varieties of sensual and erotic massage. I give stroke-by-stroke instructions for pleasuring vulvas and penises in a variety of ways, plus two chapters on orgasm coaching techniques that can vastly expand the orgasmic capacity of women, men, and those who are both or neither. In addition I offer a toolbox of massage techniques ranging from scar tissue healing to spanking. Tantric and Taoist systems of sexual cultivation, along with Western sexology, are resources for practice. You will read my strong views on boundaries, safety, and the ethics of practice, and be offered exercises and approaches that help to empower massage recipients choice and voice. Beautiful illustrations I created with artist S. Murali Shanmugam will teach the specifics of pelvic, genital and anal anatomy you need to know in order to offer competent and thrilling erotic touch.

Sex is an area where so many of us feel wounded. Shame, violence, and dreary habits of sexual expression (or the absence of it) wreak havoc on our erotic well-being. There is so much untapped capacity for pleasure in our bodies and our lives. Erotic energy can nourish us physically, mentally, emotionally and spirituallywhether we are with or without an ideal partner. With knowledgeable practice, erotic massage provides an ideal environment for healing and learning. I wish you much relaxed savoring and excited arousal in an expanded, blissful life.

INTRODUCTION

Tears poured down my cheeks as I told Marianna, I just want my genitals to be touched with healing intent. I ached to explore my sexuality, but receiving genitally-focused sexual touch from a lover didnt feel possible, or inviting. I wanted genital touch that was slow and careful, that aimed to soothe and awaken. I wanted an integration of sexually-sensitive areas with my whole body.

Marianna paid attention to creating a container for the experience. Her little house was clean, bright, airy and private. She carefully locked the door behind me. She did a smudging and blessing. She showed me a Mary Magdelene iconher patron saint, the sacred whoreand gave me a beautiful rose. These acts and objects functioned to frame the experience as a transformative and sacred ceremony, a space and time of enhanced safety, freedom, care, permission and choice.

Marianna helped me hold my attention on my breath throughout the massage, and this kept me anchored in my bodyas much as I could be at that time, when my lifelong habit was dissociation. We began with me lying on my belly. I felt safe. It was lovely how she leaned her weight into me and I could feel her body against mine. Her skillful massage was relaxing and enlivening. Usually I crave a very deep touchperhaps because it helps me stay presentbut her lighter pressure felt perfect in this moment. Her breath on my back and my ass was a delicious counterpoint to her hands. As she stroked my whole body I felt my musclesand my fearsrelease. When she first put her hand on my vulva from behindjust placed it thereI was ready. I felt the erotic energy streaming in.

So often I get shut down, numbed out or dissociated from this wonderful forcewhat is it? Power, energy, sweet feelingness, softening and opening, joy and aliveness. It is rooted deep in my body and yet not-me; it is a greater power.

By the time I turned over onto my back, I felt able to be that open and vulnerable. Leaning over me with her hand underneath, pulling, lifting, and rolling, Marianna communicated a commitment to my body and my pleasure with her touch. At my vulva she held still for awhile, touching without friction, and invited me to breathe into her hand. Memorable genital strokes included deep pressure on the bones, slapping and vibrating the pubic mound, and pressing the labia together. It was so good, to feel a release of my chronic pelvic clench.

Marianna asked whether I wanted any internal touchthe question in itself a part of switching the paradigm from penetration to drawing in. As a trauma survivor I need to learn how to find and communicate the nuances of yes and no in my erotic responses. How empowering it felt to be listened to as I haltingly articulated what I wanted, as I slowly learned to feel my way into what that was.

With Mariannas finger inside me I felt derailed by a familiar pain. Catching my bodys clench, she stayed still, and allowed me to slowly open. The pain released, and I could move against her hand. With deep breathing and genital touch I felt waves of erotic energy coursing through my body, up my torso and through my arms and hands. I felt held in all the untouched places, stimulated and opened to wave after wave of this energy and power. I used my breath to achieve a sense of climax, releasing and letting go. She stayed with me, until I wanted more. I felt another climax, not exactly an orgasm but a force-field, shaking every fiber of my being.