Adams Media - Self (Dont) Care

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Adams Media

An Imprint of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

57 Littlefield Street

Avon, Massachusetts 02322

www.SimonandSchuster.com

Copyright 2019 by Simon & Schuster, Inc.

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information address Adams Media Subsidiary Rights Department, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020.

First Adams Media hardcover edition January 2019

ADAMS MEDIA and colophon are trademarks of Simon & Schuster.

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Interior design by Sylvia McArdle

Cover design by Frank Rivera

Cover image 123RF/Pretoperola

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data has been applied for.

ISBN 978-1-72140-025-6

ISBN 978-1-72140-026-3 (ebook)

Many of the designations used by manufacturers and sellers to distinguish their products are claimed as trademarks. Where those designations appear in this book and Simon & Schuster, Inc., was aware of a trademark claim, the designations have been printed with initial capital letters.

Certain sections of this book deal with activities that would be in violation of various federal, state, and local laws if actually carried out. We do not advocate the breaking of any law. The authors, Adams Media, and Simon & Schuster, Inc., do not accept liability for any injury, loss, legal consequence, or incidental or consequential damage incurred by reliance on the information or advice provided in this book. The information in this book is for entertainment purposes only.

Contains material adapted from the following title published by Adams Media, an Imprint of Simon & Schuster, Inc.: A Year of Living Sinfully by Eric Grzymkowski, copyright 2012, ISBN 978-1-4405-1253-7.

Practice yoga.

Pour yourself a cup of peppermint tea.

Write in your gratitude journal... about how thankful you are for this boring-ass life .

Seriously.

Whats the point of self-care if you cant actually enjoy yourself? Its time to be selfish about your self-care and do the things you actually care to do. Forget stretching into childs pose, and focus on stretching for the remote from the comfort of your couch. Replace the cup of tea with a bottle of wine, or a bottle of beer, or, better yet, both. And dont bother writing in some journal; instead, write off work for the day and live it up.

With the ideas included in this book, youll be able to do exactly that. There are 200 suggestions on how to do youhowever you damn well please (effects on your body TBD). Its the self-care you need and deserve.

So, lets turn your #selfcaresunday into a Sunday Funday and actually live your best life.

How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then rest afterward.

Spanish Proverb

The mention of a hammock evokes images of swaying palm trees, cool island breezes, and endless pia coladas. Too bad youre stuck in a wintry wonderland. But luckily hammocks neednt be limited to faraway tropical paradises; the sun doesnt have to be shining in order for you to lounge around all day.

Once youve procured your hammock, get busy doing nothing. Place a stack of magazines and books within reach, along with a cooler full of lemonade, beer, or fruity cocktail creations. If youre just content to lie there free of distractions, go ahead and let the soft swaying of your suspended bed lull you into a deep relaxing sleep.

You may have a lot to do today, but is any of that stuff as appealing as taking a tropical vacation in your living room?

PRO TIP

Go for a fabric hammock if you have a choice. The knots on traditional rope hammocks can leave uncomfortable marks on the skin.

After all, what is your hosts purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, theyd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.

P.J. ORourke, humorist

Take the idea of a potluck to the next level and outsource everything you need for a party to your guests. Dont just limit your guests to the typical six-pack and a bag of chips. Youre providing the most important thingthe locationso its only fair that your friends pull their own weight. Keep a master list of everything youll need. Things like cups and soda are expected, but what about those necessary items like toilet paper and dish detergent? Each time a guest asks if he can bring something, say Yes and assign him one of the items. Dont be afraid to include some things youve been needing around the house too. If guests seem confused when you ask them to bring cat food, just respond, Its gonna be one hell of a party.

PRO TIP

Always establish a designated driver or make a plan for taking a cab home so no one is drinking and driving.

PARTY MUST-HAVES

Alcohol

Music

Snacks

Bottle opener

Party game

Remember, folks, stoplights timed for 35 mph are also timed for 70 mph.

Jim Samuels, comedian

For the most part nobody adheres to speed limits. Traveling five to ten miles per hour over is pretty much standard. But for some reason we all stop there. Everyone has the urge to gun it and let her rip now and then, yet we never indulge that urge.

Sure, its dangerous, and you have to pay a fine if you get caught, but so what? Live a little. Besides, youll be a safer driver once you know what your car is really capable of.

Find a long stretch of highway and do a preliminary pass, keeping an eye out for speed traps. Once you are sure the coast is clear, double back and get ready for your speed run. Open the windows and feel the rush of air as you hit 100 mph and zoom past hordes of law-abiding motorists. Once youve enjoyed the rush of adrenaline for a bit, ease back down to a reasonable speed before Smokey gets on your tail.

PRO TIP

Turn off your cell phone to avoid distracting text messages or calls.

FASTEST CAR