Dr. Traci Baxley - Social Justice Parenting: How to Raise Compassionate, Anti-Racist, Justice-Minded Kids in an Unjust World

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To my mother, whose love and devotion both grounded me and allowed me to fly. To my husband, it is with you that I find belonging. To my children, my greatest joy. Always be light and love in the world.

My husband was driving our three youngest sonsages six, seven, and nine at the timeto school in his black Toyota Camry when he saw blue lights flash in his rearview mirror. He remained calm and continued talking to the boys while moving from the left-hand lane to the middle lane to allow the police car to pass by. He noticed the cruiser lurch into the right laneit was now next to him. Glancing over, he was shocked to see the officer shouting at him to pull over. With his eyes on our boys in the back seat, my husband slowly pulled to the side of the road. The police officer got out of his car and approached the passenger side of my husbands car, with his hand over his weapon, screaming, Roll the goddamn window down.

My husband pushed the control button and as soon as the glass got far enough to show my husbands face, the officer visibly relaxed, moving his hand away from his gun. Why the hell didnt you pull over when I told you to? he said. His tone was now one of exasperation, no longer aggressive and threatening. My husband explained he was confused because he wasnt speeding. The police officer then peeked in the back seat at my three brown babies strapped in their seat belts, sitting in wide-eyed silence. The officer looked back at my husband and said, Do you know what kind of people drive cars like this?

My husband asked, Uh, Toyota Camrys?

The officer snorted and said, Dark cars with tinted windows. He looked in the back seat again. Next time, pull over when you see lights.

That was it. My husband drove off and dropped the boys at school.

My husband is white.

I am a Black mother.

I cried for three days after my husband told me this story. If one of my children encountered the same situation in the future, how would it turn out for them? What would have happened if that officer saw a brown face in the drivers seat instead of a white one?

That incident took place six years ago, and I still feel knots in my stomach every time I think of it. In addition to my constant concern about their safety, I worry about what an experience like this teaches my kids about their place in society. Does it make them feel targeted? Distrustful of others? Like any parent, I want my children to live with more love than fear. I want their childhood to be filled with memories of feeling safe and valued. I want them to know that they belongfreely, unapologetically, and with the power to create change that will make this world better for themselves and others.

How can we do that? How, in this world of injustice, can we give our children this kind of childhood, this sense of their own power?

As any mother can attest, from the moment we learn were going to have a child, an indescribable feeling of unconditional love takes root. We instantly recognize the potential of this growing human life, and we just as quickly begin to wonder how we can do right by them. How we can teach them to be a good person, to be kind, to do no harm. From the beginning, motherhood is a form of activism.

While this has long been true, the death of George Floyd in May 2020 on the streets of Minneapolis added weight and urgency to our mandate, as we confronted the ugly truths that continue to plague our society. Floyds last whispering word, Mama, rang out like a battle cry for mothers everywhere. We could no longer sit in a state of denial, apathy, hyperprotection, or fear. Moms all over the country, the world, became a single, collective maternal force on that brutal day. We knew we could no longer let fear stop us from saving our babies. But what do we do to help our children to feel safe, to prepare them for the sometimes ugly truth?

Many parents are just waking up to the racial, social, and economic inequities of our time, and want to address current events with their young children. More than that, they realize the urgency of the need to be proactive in raising socially conscious children who will be equipped to confront climate change, gun violence, racial injustice, gender discrimination, and economic anxiety. As parents, we are all beginners in some ways. Through trial and error, triumphs and tragedies, we learn to tweak our approach, be more creative, and try new things. This book is intended to serve as another tool in your parenting toolbox. It is not an absolute answer but a road-tested resource.

I am offering my experiences as a mother of five biracial children, educator for three decades, cultural coach for moms and dads, and someone striving to be an openhearted and thoughtful human as I navigate the world in my own skin. In this book, I will have the courage to be vulnerable, open, and honest about my experiences, as a woman and as a mother. These experiencesboth the successes and the opportunities to do better next timehave taught me so much and have led me to the work that has culminated in this book. It is based on a parenting philosophy that focuses on creating a space of belonging for yourself and your children, starting in the home and moving outward.

I hope you will explore the pages of this book feeling like were two friends having a cup of coffee (or, in my case, a cup of green tea), chatting about the world, where our children fit into it, and how we can equip them to leave it better than it was before they arrived. This book is written with you, a fellow parent who wants to cultivate more love and a sense of belonging in the world, starting in your own home. This book is an invitation for you to join me in the philosophy and practice of Social Justice Parenting.

Im excited to begin our parenting journey together.

I believe in the power of love. Radical love. What do I mean by that? I define it as an unconditional love that requires showing up for others, even when its difficult, and expects nothing in return. It is what drives many of the decisions that I make in my life, particularly how I parent. Radical love focuses on the feelings and perspectives of other people, seeing the humanness inside all of us. It is fueled by compassion and understanding and promotes healing and growth. You can metaphorically hold space for my children, and I can do the same for yours. A mothers radical love is to be willing to struggle with and for others. It challenges us to look at our own biases and expand narrow ways of thinking. Its action-oriented, community-focused, and it creates a space of belonging for everyone. Radical love asks us to lean into our own vulnerabilities, to lead with our hearts, and to be present in our parenting practices.

There is something extraordinary and deeply profound about a mothers laser-focused ability to see a problem, take action, and make change. The word mom is a noun, but historically, through cultural and political transformation, its power is manifested as a verb, an action. Moms can be found in the quiet spaces of a childs bedroom teaching self-love and self-agency and on the front lines of a movement advocating for a more peaceful, justice-oriented world.

Of course, there are many dads out there who are actively nurturing and teaching their children to be change agents in the world, and we need you, too. Parenting, in general, includes the purposeful rearing of children to achieve their fullest potential, helping them to find how they will uniquely contribute to the world. Our values and beliefs in our homes are not private; they are the building blocks of everything our children and their generation will spread into the world. Dads play a special role in contributing to their childrens growth.