Tory Johnson - Shift for Good: How I Figured It Out and Feel Better Than Ever

I had battled obesity since childhood, a secret shame that haunted me.

As a regular on Good Morning America, my biggest fear was being called out about my weight. So three years ago, when my ABC News boss said she didnt think I looked my best and wanted me to see a stylist, what I heard was lose weightor lose your job. Those words never crossed her lips, but thats the message I got loud and clear. Although it was brief, I couldnt wait for our little chat to end. When it was up, I managed to dash from the ABC cafeteria before bursting into tears.

After a good cry at home, I had an honest conversation with myself about my forty-year battle of the bulge. Enough is enough, I thought. Its time to lose weight once and for all. No more gimmicks. No more lies. No more excuses. Youre a smart girl. Figure it out.

But my initial bravado aside, I didnt have a clue how to do it. What I did know was that failure was no longer an option, like it had been so many times before. My job was on the line and I was not going to risk a high-profile TV gig simply because of my size. I knew I could fix this, despite having failed at every weight-loss plan ever invented. I told myself: You cannot sentence yourself to a lifetime of whispers: Tory was good on Good Morning America, but they got rid of her because shes fat.

Besides, I needed to keep my job. Because I was the breadwinner in my family, the salary mattered. But I was also tired of the withering looks that all fat people getthe stares that say youre lazy, weak, and undisciplined. I would prove to everyone that I was none of those things and that what they saw on the outside hardly mirrored the strength I had on the inside.

Thats exactly what I did.

Over the course of just one year, armed with a game plan, plenty of support from my family, and grit that I never knew I had, I did the unthinkable: I lost sixty-two poundsthe equivalent, as my son Jake puts it, of two Marlys, our thirty-pound beagle. How did I do it? For the first time, I shifted the way I viewed foodand myself. My story recounting that journey became The Shift, a book that resonated with thousands of women who had struggled forever with their weight. The best part? I havent gained any of it back. In fact, Ive shed a few more pounds. For me, there is no going back, just like a smoker or drinker who decides, finally, that enough is enough.

The response from readers has been my greatest gift: Women email me, stop me on the street, and corner me in shopping malls, supermarkets, and department stores to tell me that my story is their story and we must be sisters from another mother. Why is it, they ask, that so many diet books offer false hope and gimmicks instead of straight talk? They thank me for sharing a struggle that had always humiliated mean uncomfortable topic that I never expected to share publicly. They say that reading about my challenges gave them the courage to make shifts in their lives, too.

After my Shift, I felt better about myself than I ever had before. I went to my doctor after avoiding having a physical for more than ten years because I hadnt wanted to be lectured about my size. Dressing rooms were no longer frustration destinations but places to explore the new me with clothes I had never thought would fit. I was a better role model for my kids, especially my teenage daughter, Emma. I embraced exercise, had more energy and enjoyed better sex, and became confident about my appearance for the first time ever. I genuinely valued all of the empowering things that came from losing weight.

But I also expected something more to happen.

I couldnt quite articulate what that was, but let me ask you this: Have you ever accomplished a goal only to discover, after all is said and done, that you feel empty? I had always thought if only I could lose weight, everything in my life would be perfect. I pretty quickly discovered that life doesnt work that way. Tackle one area and other stuff pops up. Thats just the way life is, one big game of Whac-A-Mole. I didnt expect it, but thats what happened. I began to realize that I had attributed all the challenges in my life to being overweight and had convinced myself that once my weight was under control everything would be perfect. In some ways, everything did feel perfectfor a while. But before long my life began to unravel, or at least thats how it seemed. I had Shifted on the outsideand yes, on the inside toobut looking back, I wasnt really any different on the inside. I think I expected the whole world to stand up and take notice. I wanted some huge prize for losing the weight. Not a Mirror Ball Trophy from Dancing with the Stars or a rose from The Bachelor. But something big. I figured Id know it when it hit me. Then I waited and waited, but no prize arrived. No chariot pulled up with my reward. Rainbows and unicorns did not appear in the sky and neither did shooting stars and fireworks. Hope and expectation turned to disappointment and restlessness, which puzzled me because I had expected nothing but blue skies from now on. I was no longer obese, so why wasnt everything perfect? Why wasnt I so much happier?

Now, dont get me wrong. I lost all this weight and I continue to be thrilled with the results. Im happy that I did it my way, that my willpower and determination paid off and that I didnt revert to old habits. But looking back, I put too much emphasis on the fictitious notion that a lower number on a scale would fix everything. If only I could lose forty, fifty pounds, I would get the recognition I deserved, phenomenal job opportunities would open up, motivational speaking engagements would pour in, and Id be a kinder, gentler, less stressed-out version of Tory Johnson. Instead, I discovered that weight loss alone is not the be-all and end-all; size does not determine inner happiness. That was a massive letdown. I was clearly in a funk and I needed to figure out how to feel as good on the inside as I did on the outside. I wanted to experience the kind of inner satisfaction and contentment that couldnt be measured in numbers. I wanted to Shift the way I viewed and lived other parts of my life with the same determination I had used to lose weight.